Today is Festivus, and if I had the time, I'd air my grievances. But I don't, because I have to go out and rain blows upon anyone who gets in my way during last-minute Christmas shopping. Just know that I have made a contribution in all your names to the Human Fund. You're welcome.
Also, if you'd like to watch the original "Seinfeld" episode it all started with, it's on at 7:30 tonight on channel two. A Festivus miracle!