Nice Wolf Abs, Jackman!

I watched Van Helsing the other night on DVD and wow. That was one of the worst things I have ever seen. I pretty much knew that would be the case, which is why I avoided it in the theaters. But I figured I'd Netflix it and make sure. My mistake.

It had some much going for it what with Dracula, Frankenstein AND werewolves. Not to mention a cameo by Mr. Hyde. But every scene just fell flat. Richard Roxburgh's attempts to bring campy humor to his Dracula portrayal were painful, and even Kate Beckinsale's boobs couldn't distract from her awful "Transylvanian" accent. What's worse is it wasn't even entertainingly bad. It's over two hours long, and feels more like three. And Hugh Jackman doesn't take his shirt off near soon enough.

A much better, and scarier, movie watching experience was "A Ma Soeur" (Fat Girl in the U.S.) It's directed by Catherine Breillat, (whose recently released Sex is Comedy is basically about the making of "Fat Girl") a director who's no stranger to controversy. (Which explains why a couple of moments in the film include a glimpse of a naked man at...full attention.) I have to say I have never been so shocked and startled by a movie than I was while watching this one. It took me about ten minutes to recover. And by saying that I've probably ruined the movie for you.

Ah, so what. You know that even after all that you're still going to rent "Van Helsing."