By By My Sharona

I can't say I'm dissapointed by this news as the main point of her character seemed to be telling Monk to "Stop it!" and handing him wetty naps.

I'm Back, Baby!

Wooo. And hoo.

While I'd love to entertain you all with tales of my travels, I am unfortunately stuck here at work playing catch-up. And dealing with the associated crushing depression of being back here at work playing catch-up. *Sigh*

Hopefully I'll get something up here soon. In the meantime, anyone know where I can host some photos online for free, so I could link to them from here?

Anyone?

...anyone?

I Know I Heart This Movie

Here's something to watch while I'm gone!

In my book, Wes Anderson can do no wrong, so I can't believe I have to wait until Christmas to see his latest, "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou." I'll just have to satisfy my urge with the trailer until then.

But It's a Dry Heat!

Musty TV is going off the air!

But just for a week as I am going on vacation! A week-long road trip through the desert! In August!!

I'm insane.

I could just tell you all where I'm going, but this here blog is supposed to be about things to watch. So I thought I'd play a little game. I'll tell you where I'm going, but it'll be in code! Click on the links for clues: they all have something to do with the places I'm going, and it's up to you to figure it out. Fun, right?

RIGHT??

OK...First we'll be taking a tour of a modest cabin along the way. Afterwards we'll check into an equally modest hotel.

An early start should allow a stop in this frightening town, before we crank up the air conditioner and cruise into the sunset and the proverbial oasis in the desert.

We'll make a brief visit to this oddity before stopping for the night in the town where these two got hitched.

And then, the penultimate destination. It can not be summed up with just one film. So...Take...Your...Pick.

Before we head home for good, we'll bed down in another highway hideaway, just because the song says we should.

And then it's back to the city we love.

There you have it! Wish me luck, and hopefully when I get back I'll be able to figure out how to get some pictures up. No! It'll be cool. Slides from my vacation! You'll want to see those. Right?

RIGHT?!

Obviously, She Was Trying to Escape

But it looks like the poor pup will have to don the pink booties once again.

How Old Is John Williams?

I don't mean for this blog to turn into "This Week in Celebrity Deaths!" or anything, but I had to note that Elmer Bernstein died.

And a few weeks back Jerry Goldsmith died.

Do movie composers die in threes, too?

I Hope I Heart This Movie

Loved Spanking the Monkey. Liked Flirting With Disaster. LOVED Three Kings. So I'm really hoping I love David O. Russell's new movie, I Heart Huckabees.

Judging from the trailer, I think I just might...

If You Were on Trial for Murder...

Would you want Oprah on your jury?

This Is the True Story...of Seven Cannibals...Picked to Live in a House...

The cast for the next season of "Survivor" has been announced, and it includes an amputee from Oakland.

Oh, I can't wait for the jokes about the cannibalistic history of the local natives! If the guy was cool at all, he'd keep the amputation thing a secret and wake up one morning screaming that the Vanuatuans got to him in the middle of the night.

In related news, the new season of the The Real World also starts in September.

Don't you just love the end of summer?

I Stole the TV!

I can't tell you how happy I am to know that I won't run the risk of seeing smarmy Craig Kilborn on my TV again for a while, and rumors are cirulating that Amy Sedaris may replace him.

While I'd love to be able to see her five nights a week, I'm not so sure that would be her best venue. She needs to be allowed to run free! Not trapped behind a desk!

Plus, I want them to actually finish making the Strangers with Candy movie.

"Look at Me! Pay Attention to Meeeeeeeeee!"

Nicky Hilton got hitched.

OK. There are just way too many sister fame-whores out there right now. The Duffs. The Olsens. The Simpsons. Haven't we met our quota for the year?

She Was a Super Cookin' Freak

Looks like we were wrong in connecting Marlon Brando to the celebrities-always-die-in-threes block, as Julia Child has died.

Now, there's gotta be a connection between Rick James, Fay Wray, and Julia Child...

Sleeping in the Shape of a Van Halen Symbol

Last Comic Standing's finale is tonight. I'm rooting for John Heffron if only for the joke he did about how he took his snow boots off as a kid.

If you haven't been watching, tonight is probably the only night worth seeing anyway. Watching comedians do the same routine over and over is painful, and it's the primary focus of the damn show.

Things I Hate About This Show

Things I Hate About You is on at 10:00pm tonight on Bravo. I've been getting some enjoyment from the show, in the same voyeuristic way I enjoy most reality TV. Plus it's hosted by Mo Rocca, and he's a hoot.

Watchng couples pick apart their partners' most annoying habits can be fun, but I think one of the problems I have with the show is it just isn't mean enough. I suppose a show about couples who really, REALLY hate it when a partner clips his toe nails and leaves the scraps on the floor, so much so that they've been driven to the verge of divorce, could be kind of depressing. But because none of the couples seem THAT upset about the others' annoying habits, I ultimately don't care that much about who "wins" or "loses."

Turns Out It Wasn't Even an ORIGINAL Crappy Idea

Looks like there's another shocking twist to M. Night Shmalamadingdong's (thanks to R.S. for his new official moniker!) "The Village."

Aside from it sucking.

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's an Idiot!

Bryan Singer, who is the latest rube to get sucked into making the new "Superman" movie, (and no more "X-Men" movies, apparently) may have finally figured out there's already an actor out there PLAYING Superman so why not give the role to him? It's something I have long wondered. Why not tie Smallville in with the new Superman movie? It's not like "Smallville" will be around forever--it's very steadily running itself into the ground with consistant suckiness.

It all strikes me as being a giant "No Duh" Hollywood moment. (As opposed to the "What the?!" Hollywood moment mentioned below.)

Plastics

This "update" of The Graduate sounds suspiciously like a joke that was made in Robert Altman's The Player. Ahhh. Hollywood.

But since it stars Mark Ruffalo, the dreamiest dream that ever dreamed, I'll have to cut it some slack.

He Must Be Stopped

Read about some of the very special additions that are rumored to be making an appearance on the DVD release of the original Star Wars trilogy. (Last item on the page.)

Monkey Love

Fay "I Can't Believe She Was Still Alive!" Wray has died. She was 96!

First Rick, now Fay. Bets now being accepted for who will be the third to die in the "Stars Always Die in Threes" death watch.

Put...the Rose...Down...

The next "Bachelorette" has been picked, and it's former "winner"Jen Schefft. For those of you who watch, you may remember she won the heart of millionaire tire-wine maker Andrew Firestone, moved to San Francisco with him (and his roommate) only to break up months later. Then she briefly went out with "The Apprentice" winner Bill Rancic.

I really, REALLY think she should perhaps try meeting a guy the old-fashioned way. By getting drunk at a bar.

(*ba-dum-dump*)

But I Did Not Ask for the Alien Probe

Has anyone been watching The 4400? The "unprecedented" series (I think that mean it's the only TV series to only air five episodes, on purpose) ends tomorrow night at 9:00pm on USA. But you can catch the previous four episodes in a marathon that starts Sunday afternoon at 4:00pm.

I kinda like the show. It's certainly not as good as the The X-Files but it has a very similar feel, what with the alien (or WERE THEY?) abductions, freak-of-the-week storylines, and occasional soapy melodrama. It's also got serial killers, a spooky little girl, and a possibly-alien baby.

Check it out. It's UNPRECEDENTED!

He WAS Rick James, Bitch.

RIP Rick.

Never Get Out of the Boat

Open Water opens today. I have a general dislike of movies shot on cheap video, preferring to wait and watch them on DVD since they look so crappy projected on the big screen. But I think I'm going to have to go to the theater for this one. My hate for cheap-shot-on-video movies seems to be matched by my love for cheap-shot-on-video horror movies, like The Blair Witch Project.(I'm not going to get into an argument about whether or not that was scary. All I know is I slept with the light on the night after I saw it, and a friend spent the night with me because she didn't want to be alone in her apartment. Obviously, it worked for us.)

I'm thinking this one aims to make you anxious more than scare you. Especially if you have any fear of sharks. And getting lost. And getting lost in an ocean full of sharks. And the coolest thing about the movie? It uses no special effects, all the sharks in the movie are real, and the people in the movie are really there with those sharks. No CG. How refreshing is that?

The Eyes of a Shark. The Hair of a Cuddly Baby Polar Bear.

I hope I'm wrong about this, but I just have the sneaking suspicison that there's no way Tom Cruise would ever allow himself to play a character that is completely evil. That's why I fear that in Collateral there will be some big reveal that he's not just a cold-hearted killer. He's actually avenging the death of his wife and child. Or he's some kind of vigilante ridding the world of all the evil psychiatrists and psychologists or some other supposed enemy of the Scientologists.

I hope I'm wrong. Either way I don't think I'm going out of my way to see it: It was shot on video!

I'll Use This Weapon on That Devil Horse If I Have To

I *Heart* Will Ferrell. Check out his spoof of Bush campaign ads. (Warning: Link launches a QuickTime movie.)

Reggae? Never Heard of the Dude.

The second episode of Amish in the City aired last night, and I have to say, those goofy bastards are winning me over. Granted, I think these so called Amish "kids" (most are in their twenties) gave up being Amish a long time ago, but are playing up the notion that they're fresh off the farm for a little "rumspringa" action just for the sake of the show. I mean, would a totally new-to-the-city Amish girl really greet the sight of the Los Angeles skyline with the word "AWESOME!" and pepper her speech with the word "like"? Don't think so.

Still, there's something endearing about them, their bad make-up choices, and kooky accents. That the "City Kids" they have to live with are all annoying is a given. But I'll keep watching it just in the hopes that I can hear Mose talk about Led Zeppelin again.

The second episode will be rerun on UPN Friday night at 8:00pm.

Rescue Me From the Boredom of a Wedneday Night!

Well, whaddya know. I'm actually going to recommend a show that's not a reality program! Rescue Me airs at 10 tonight on F/X. I think one's enjoyment of it will have a lot to do with one's tolerance for Denis Leary. I actually like him just fine, due in part to his former stint on a weekly series, The Job, which was woefully neglected and ultimately cancelled.

Anyhoo, the hour-long drama takes place in a New York City firehouse. Leary is a thoroughly screwed-up firefighting veteran in the midst of a divorce. His only comforts are booze, and a best friend that he talks to a lot. Problem is, he died during 9/11. If you're one of those people that won't watch an hourly drama unless it's on HBO, don't worry. There's plenty of cursing, sex, and violence to keep you interested. Gotta love F/X!

Will he float?

For those interested, Bill Clinton is scheduled to be a guest tonight on The Late Show with David Letterman.

Ahhh. Remember when Clinton was President? Thems was good times...

Fish eggs, fish eggs, roly poly fish eggs..

Tonight is the TV night I live for. There is no show on right now I enjoy more than The Amazing Race. I've given up trying to convince every one I know to watch it (but if you miss it tonight it's repeated on Saturday night at 8!!) If the Emmy awards, rave reviews, and rabid fan base haven't convinced you yet, my pleading probably won't either. And frankly, I don't know if anything can top last week's visit to Russia and a challenge that involved eating TWO POUNDS of caviar. I think tonight they may be journeying to Egypt. And while the prospects of a challenge somehow involving a camel are exciting, I seem to get the most thrills out of watching the contestants try and book airline tickets.

What. THAT didn't convince you to watch?

I promised myself I wouldn't cry!

Thanks to all you wonderful people for visiting and bringing the funny by posting to my little blog. You rule like no one has ruled before.

James Bond Smash!

Couldn't they just kill two birds with one stone and turn the Hulk into a suave superspy?

Gotti See TV?

Growing Up Gotti starts tonight on A&E. (Warning: Link includes video.) Yeah, another freakin' reality show. Dame Gotti kinda looks like Donatella Versace, whose life could make a good reality show. But only if she's exactly like Maya Rudolph's SNL impersonation of her.