Sunday, March 05, 2006

Live Oscar Blogging!

5:05ish: Stewart drops his first bomb of the evening: the Angelina Jolie joke.

Are Jack Nicholson and Kiera Knightley dating? What's with the constant cutting to the two of them?

A tribute to gay cowboys in the movies. Where's the pudding?

5:18 Clooney wins best supporting actor...and they play music during his speech. What the hell? I hope he's not hearing that because it's distracting the hell out of me.

5:29 Best visual effects: "King Kong"...Man, that Ben Stiller bit sucked, didn't he? Nice pit stains, Ben.

5:32 "Wallace and Gromit" wins. Yay! I liked it better than "Corpse Bride"....(and I'm three for three in predictions.)

5:43 Naomi Watts joins Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman in the "blondes wearing light colored dresses that do nothing for their fair complexions" category...and you can add Uma Thurman to that list.

And then there's Dolly Parton. But picking on Dolly Parton is just too easy. Um...she looks terrific.

5:41 Ooooh. A Scientology joke!

5:43 Doh! Live action short: I picked "Our Time is Up."

5:45 Oh no. "Chicken Little."

5:47 Doh! Animated short. I picked Pixar and "One-Man Band." Hope that's not a bad sign of things to come for Pixar...

5:48 Jennifer Aniston...I guess Brad isn't there. I wonder if she got the Oscars in the divorce. And he gets the Golden Globes....IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

5:49 "Geisha" wins costumes. *Phew* Finally, predicted another one.

I am REALLY hating the music-during-the-acceptance-speech thing. It's totally disrespectful and unnecessary.

5:58 Will Ferrell and Steve Carell. Heh. "Chronicles of Narnia" wins best make-up. Got another one!

6:00 Rachel McAdams hosts the Nerd Academy Awards.

6:02 The Voice of God flubs his line presenting the Best Supporting Actress nominees.

6:06 Rachel Weisz wins Best Supporting Actress...and the announcer brings up her starring roles in "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns." Now that's just mean.

6:13 Lauren Bacall...um...just put your glasses on so you can read the teleprompter, OK?

6:16 Best Actress campaign commercials bit. Hilarity.

6:20 Best documentary short....Doh! Didn't get this one.

6:22 "Penguins" wins. Yay! I got that one. And I liked the movie to boot. Then again, who the hell didn't?

6:23 Whoa. Jennifer Lopez almost gets run down by the penguin-totting-Frenchmen. Ironically, she's there to introduce the theme song to "Crash."

..which is sung in front of a burning car while dancers mime moments from the film. Including the cop-feeling-up-Thandie Newton scene! This might be the cheesiest thing I've ever witnessed.

6:33 Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. They came to the show together. What, was her new husband Jesse James too busy riding around on a motorcycle to escort her? Sheesh.

Art direction goes to "Memoirs of a Geisha." Yawn. I picked "King Kong." Who's this Gretchen chick the dude is talking about, and what happened to her?

6:39 Message Movie Montage. "And none of those issues were ever a problem again." Heh.

6:41 Academy president. Bathroom break!

6:43 Salma Hayek. That dress makes one of her boobs looks a lot bigger than the other. At lease from this angle...

6:50 Best Score goes to "Brokeback Mountain." I think that's why they had Salma Hayek present the award. They knew she'd be able to pronounce Gustavo Santaolalla's name correctly....I guessed that one right, woo! And I actually really liked that score, too. I think all the "Brokeback" parodies that have been hitting the Internets has a lot to do with that score winning. The minute you hear those guitar chords, you know you're in "Brokeback" country. Can that be said about any of the other scores nominated?

6:58 That tribute to the big screen didn't make me want to immediately go to the movie theater. It made me want to go home and watch some of those movies on DVD.

7:02 I get another with "King Kong" and Sound Mixing. Woo!

7:03 Bring on Robert Altman!

7:20 "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." I think half of the audience is genuinely frightened right now...but not enough to not vote for it, as it wins best song. And I predicted that one too, yo.

7:25 Jennifer Garner almost falls on her ass. Awesome. "King Kong" wins best sound editing, and I predict another one correctly. That's 11 out of 15...I think.

7:31 Oscar Death Applause-o-meter. Sandra Dee and Chris Penn get some good applause....Shelley Winters, pretty good, but not as good as Anne Bancroft...Richard Pryor gets the last nod....tough call on the Applause-o-meter, but it almost sounded like Anne Bancroft was the winner...can I get an official judges call on this one, please?

7:38 Best Foreign Language Film..."Tsotsi." Whoa, this guy's intense...but please wrap it up. (I got this one, too.)

7:42 Editing goes to "Crash." Hated the movie, but I predicted that one too, woo! This guy's getting flustered by the clock but he talks long enough for the annoying background music to stop, which is good.

7:44 It's Best Actor time...what did Joaquin just mouth to the camera?...Phillip Seymour Hoffman wins, which is no surprise. And it's for Oscars like this that I don't think the Academy Awards are so bad. It's not just the pretty boys, or the pretty-girls-pretending-to-be-ugly who win, sometimes a genuine character actor will take home the big prize, and that's pretty awesome.

7:55 Make room for John Travolta's gigantoid head!! Hey, who was the guy who just said "OK...here we go..."? That was weird. "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins cinematography. Meh.

7:57 Best Actress time...No surprise, Reese Witherspoon...Her speech was polished, but sweet.

8:05 Sheesh. This show better end soon, because my battery's about to run out!

8:08 Best Adapted Screenplay..."Brokeback Mountain." I guessed that one too...I didn't think it was that amazing a screenplay, but I think it probably won because the base material was so brief, and therefore more of a challenge to adapt. They just said Annie Proulx was in the audience...where? WHERE? Hey director, where?? That's not Annie Proulx, that's Ang Lee. *Sigh*

8:13 Best Screenplay goes to "Crash." Meh, again. Sorry, but I thought "Crash" was preachy, forced, and tailor-made for a guilt-filled, white, liberal audience--of which I am no doubt a member, yes, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

8:20 Best Director, Ang Lee. And he makes the lame "I wish I could quit you" joke! Ha ha ha ha ha ha...blech.

8:22 The requisite Jack Nicholson appearance, as he presents the Best Picture award to..."CRASH"????!!!!!!

GOD DAMMIT!

Well, it won an Academy Award, so that's proof that it's not that great a movie.

As for my score, I predicted 19 out of 24. Not too shabby. And as for the show itself, it wasn't very exciting, but I think I enjoyed Jon Stewart as host more than I did Chris Rock last year. The "Daily Show"-inspired moments (the "campaign" commercials) were funny, and his off-the-cuff jokes were good. I still think Steve Martin has been the best host of the last 10 years or so, but I'll take Jon Stewart over Whoopie Goldberg (though please god, not literally) any day.

2 comments:

Jeff said...

I didn't catch the Oscars, but I did see Crash...and found it inoffensively mediocre, like a made-for-TV movie with swearing and a clumsily-delivered message.

Rain said...

It tried to be Altman or P.T. Anderson-esque, but really didn't succeed on that front, and its whole "everyone is racist" message was just a big "Yeah...and?"

Good call on the TV movie feel.