This Just In!

I'm unemployed.

Seriously.

So, if anyone knows of a job, please, do tell.

For now, I am going to walk away from this damn computer, and get some fresh air.

Slo-Mo = Boo-Hoo

Thanksgiving came inbetween me and a post about the latest episode of "Lost." But as far as I can remember, I liked it, and cried at the end, and then got totally pissed that I cried at the end, because they used such cliches to make me cry (reunions, slow motion, and sappy music) and I HATE it when cliched sentiment works on me, (which, incidentally, it usually does.)

On tonight's' episode, we supposedly learn more about "What Kate Did," which I'm guessing is more than shooting a guy to get to a toy airplane. And you better savor the episode, because if this site is correct, it'll be the last new episode until JANUARY 11TH!! I'm all for breaks from the slavery of primetime viewing, but that's a little severe. And what really pisses me off is its leaving doesn't give me the opening to watch any other show I've had to miss because of my "Lost" priorities. Martha's "Apprentice" airs at the same time, but I TiVo that the next day on CNBC already, (and getting to watch it a day earlier is no big score, believe me.)

I WILL however, be truly thankful when this boring-ass season of "The Amazing Race" finally ends, so that I can start watching "My Name Is Earl" or even "Commander-in-Chief" instead. (Of course I could have just stopped watching TAR when I realized it was going to suck, but that's a whole other matter...)

He's So CUUUUUUUUDE!

Don't forget, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" airs tonight on CBS at 8pm.

While "The Year Without a Santa Clause" is probably a little cooler than "Rudolph," (you just can't beat those Miser-numbers) I probably get the most enjoyment from "Rudolph." That probably has to do with the fact that is has aired every year of my life (give or take one or two years) and has therefore left a bigger impression.

Christmas season doesn't officially begin for me until I get to sit down and watch that deformed reindeer, his gay friend, and a bunch of "special" toys bow to the ultimate dictorial power of Santa Claus.

Hello Doom, Howareya?

Three more series have gotten the axe, and thankfully, I wasn't a fan of any of 'em. (I know this will be sacrilege to all Pamie-worshippers, but "Hot Properties" really, really sucked.)

Misery

Man, today sucked. I woke up with a horrible headache that did not get any better, codeine be damned. So, while I had planned on working (at home) through the pain, it just wasn't happening, so I had to just call in a sick day and rest my throbbing skull on the couch. Unfortunately, I couldn't just end the day there, because Monday nights I have class. And being that I had already missed one class this semester due to the flu, and I will be missing class next Monday because I will be out of town, I had to somehow ignore the pain, and get myself out of my apartment and off to campus.

In the pouring rain.

Without an umbrella.

But, that's fine, right? Because it was only two bus rides, and not much walking between bus stops.

Wrong. Wrong! The bus wait was 20 minutes for both, with little coverage from the downpour. And when I got to campus, I had to walk from one side of campus to the other to get to my class, and by that time it was really coming down. So I popped into the campus shop, dripping wet, to get an umbrella, but couldn't find one for less than 15 dollars!!! And it's not even that good!

So I got through class and thankfully, he let us out a little early. Alas, it wasn't smooth sailing on the way home. The MUNI car was having trouble with its doors, taking what seemed like an eternity to leave the station, only to dump everyone out at Van Ness to wait for another train. And then on the bus ride up the hill to my place, the driver and a passenger got into a pissing match over his transfer. It was 10pm, and his transfer said 9:30, but his argument was he waited for the bus for over 30 minutes--which I think is valid. But the driver wasn't going to move until he paid his fare. So there were many "fuck yous" from the passenger, groans from fellow travelers, and then finally some other dude just went up and put a buck fifty into the til and that was that.

So now I'm home, cold, head still hurting, and I choose to ramble about it all on the Internet.

Things are worse than I thought.

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas

This week's SFist post is now up. All that's missing is some snow.

It's Just a Shot Away

I've been watching the two New Orleans/Hurricane Katrina episodes of "Nova" and "Frontline" on PBS. I can't say I've been enjoying them since they just manage to get me all riled up, once again, over how the response to the disaster was handled (and we're talking about PBS programming here, so that's to be expected) but I have found them pretty fascinating viewing.

Watching them reminded me of some of my initial reactions to the whole thing, such as hearing reports of people getting raped and killed in the Superdome, and how that was just so unfathomable to me. Like, you're sitting in a stinky, cramped, boiling hot sports arena, hungry, tired, dirty, most likely with no home to return to, so what do you decide to do? Go rape somebody. The hell? And I also rememberd how, at the time, that whole thing just got a refrain from the Rolling Stones song "Gimme Shelter" stuck in my head: "Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away."

I'm sure it's been mentioned before, but if there is a theme song for Katrina 2005, it's definitely "Gimme Shelter." To wit:

Ooh, a storm is threatening my very life today
If I don't get some shelter, yeah, I'm gonna fade away.
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.

Ooh, see the fire is sweeping, our very streets today
Burns like a red coal carpet, mad bull lost its way.
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.

Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.

Mmmm, the flood is threatening, my very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter or I'm gonna fade away.
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.
It's just a shot, away, a shot away, a shot away.

I tell ya, love, sister, it's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away, kiss away, kiss away.

One other thing I learned about "Gimme Shelter": On this recent trip to Disneyland, I had to set the radio alarm clock one morning to the ungodly hour of 5:45am. When it went off, the opening guitar chords of "Gimme Shelter" were playing, followed by the "Oooo...oooo...oooo" chorus. And as Chuck can attest, there's probably no cooler song to be awakened by at 5:45 in the morning...

Turkey Blogging

8:55pm - Well, I think it was a success. It was probably a bit of overkill getting a 23 pound turkey for only eight people, but I firmly believe that Thanksgiving is more about the leftovers than it is the Thanksgiving meal. By the time we sat down to eat at around 4:00, and I piled the food on my plate, I was almost instantly stuffed. What's that about? I was also almost instantly sleepy, but there's no mystery with that one..

I can't wait until about midnight, when I start to get the munchies. THAT'S when I'm really going to enjoy me some Thanksgiving fixins.

12:20pm - You know, roasting a turkey is pretty freakin' boring. The only good part about having to baste it every 30 minutes is being able to eat some of the stuffing each time. Sure, it's probably rife with salmonella, but it's SOOO goooood.

Pretty soon potatoes and green bean casserole will have to be prepped, but until then, I'm going to watch some doggies on da TV.

10:30am - I'm pretty sure that's the face of Jesus, or perhaps it's just The Cybernetic Ghost Of Christmas Past From The Future.

8:45am - I'm snagging some WiFi from someone in my parents' building--score! If I had the energy, I'd post some photos of the turkey in progress, but right now I just don't. It's wrapped in a shroud like a turkey from Turin (as per Martha's cooking directions--cheesecloth soaked in butter and wine. Perhaps that's the shroud of Turin's secret?) and I am on basting duty, every half hour.

And it ain't even 9am yet. It's gonna be a long day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In case I don't get around to doing some Live Turkey Cooking Blogging (which sounds like I'll be cooking a live turkey. I mean "live blogging" the whole cooking process, of course), I wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving!

And be sure to click around The Hunger Site! Your clicks DO help!

I Haven't Even Finished Eating All of My Halloween Candy

Thanksgiving is already upon us, and I was hoping we'd get an airing of "It's a Wonderful Life" tomorrow night, to start off the Christmas season with an appropriate bucketful of tears. Alas, we aren't so lucky. But at least you can sit down and watch "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" and witness a truly dysfunctional holiday gathering.

I Yam the Vinner

I yam alvays zee vinner.

Even though it looks like I am shooting INTO the buggy, I was in fact shooting at targets. A lot of targets. And I kicked Chuck's butt--AS THE SCORE CAN SHOW!

Ahhhh. Disneyland magic.

Disneyland Is 50! And I LOVE IT!

50!!
Originally uploaded by Rain Rain Rain.

I'm back from Disneyland, and have the aching back to prove it. I'm not sure how I hurt it, as I had avoided the more intense of the rides, but maybe "Snow White's Scary Adventure" was just too much for me.

Anyway, it was great fun nonetheless. I wish I was still there!

M-I-C You Real Soon!

I'm off to Disneyland tomorrow, so you probably won't be getting much from me until Tuesday. Unless the Disneyland Hotel is rockin some WiFi, in which case maybe I'll find some time to do some travel bloggin'.

Contain your enthusiasm!

Glass Eyes and Army Knives

I was awaiting last night's episode of "Lost" with a little trepidation. Adding more characters to the show was the last thing I thought it needed, but I have to say I did enjoy seeing how an alternative version of the plane crash went down. Things are a little harder when you don't have a doctor and half a plane-full of supplies to get you through 48 days on a deserted island.

I pondered why the Others seemed to target the Tailaways more than our beloved castaways, and I think it's because the others might be geographically closer. Also, the Tailaways weren't subjected to polar bears and giant jungle monsters, so perhaps that "security system" the original castaways were subjected to was, indeed, a system that helped to keep the Others away?

Hmmmm.

In other news, Michelle Rodriguez's teeth continue to freak me out.

Check Eeeet Out!

My friend Rachael has an interview up on SFist!

Read it! Read it now!

He's Got Big Plans

David Cross on what he hopes to do to try and save "Arrested Development": "What I'm trying to do now that I know the show is cancelled, and hopefully I can do this by next year, is to become the head of programming for one of the major studios. Short of that, I don'’t think we'll have any luck."

Read more.

Update: You can now get both seasons of "Arrested Development" at Amazon for 30 bucks. Buy up those DVDs! Send a message to Fox!...And then savor those discs when they cancel the show anyway.

Padding, Padding

If you plan on setting your VCR or TiVo for tonight's episode of "Lost," be sure to pad it. It's supposedly going to run four minutes over.

I HATE it when they do that.

Sympathy for the Devil

My Pa made a brief appearance on a news segment that KPIX aired last night concerning the Rolling Stones concert and all the whining babies who were complaining about the noise. You can watch it, for now, here. (Look for "Rolling Stones Concert Rocks San Francisco.")

My father isn't really whining, and is only in it for a second, but there you go.

Free At Last!

Programming note: There will be no "Amazing Race" tonight. Instead the Country Music Awards are going to be on. So you can either tune in to that and attempt, once again, to figure out what the hell Rene Zellweger was thinking, or you can watch "My Name is Earl," or "Commander in Chief" instead. (Oh, you KNOW you want to!)

My Ignorance Shows Through...AGAIN

Last year I attempted, once again, to read Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." I was enjoying it, and was impressed by the book's wit, but then for some reason, I just couldn't get through it. So I gave up and watched the Colin Firth miniseries instead, and I enjoyed it immensely. Which is part of the reason why I won't bother seeing the new version that came out last week.

But reading about some controversy over a kiss that ends the film has left me pondering how the book actually ends. With a handshake?

I Heard the Jury's Still Out on Science

This week's SFist post is now up, and it's more of the usual whining.

Snakes On a Plane, Man...Snakes on a Plane

It amuses me to no end that the ridiculous title of the (no doubt) ridiculous upcoming Samuel L. Jackson thriller has now entered the popular lexicon as a phrase of apathetic resignation, ala "Shit happens."

Example:

"Dude! 'Arrested Development' is totally getting cancelled!"

"Snakes on a plane, man...snakes on a plane."

It reminds me of a phrase my parents tried to popularize after once mishearing something someone said on a game show as "Well, you can't win a blouse."

Example:

"I applied for a job as a producer on 'Arrested Development,' but the show is totally getting cancelled!"

"Well...you can't win a blouse."

Still waiting for that catch phrase to take-off...Start using it today!

Fun and Failure Both Start Out the Same Way

Last time "Arrested Development" was threatened with cancellation, fans campaigned and sent banana baskets to the head honchos at Fox.

I'm not sure what approach fans should take this time, but flooding their offices with moles isn't such a bad idea...

Will I Ever Stop Crying?

According to this article, the cancellation of "Arrested Development" seems imminent. Fox has cut the season order, and is going to pull it off the air until December.

OK. Now I'm not crying. Now I'm FUMING.

I hope Save Our Bluths updates their site soon, and gets those campaigns aflowing if only to get another network interested in picking it up, because when have the asshats at Fox every done the right thing?

And In News Not At All Related to Television

(Unless you count the topic being mentioned during the live fake "West Wing" debate Sunday night.) It looks like oil drilling in the Arctic Refuge has hit a stumbling block.

How great is that!?

For Those Who Aren't Complete Nutcases Who Shove Six-Foot-Tall Christmas Trees Into Tiny, Tiny Apartments

Look what Urban Outfitters is selling!

Walt, You're Really Beginning to Piss Me Off

Last night's "Lost" wasn't the fake out I thought it would be, and I'm equal parts sad and unimpressed by that.

The minute I saw Sayid and Shannon walking in the same kind of tall grass the Tailaways had been walking through, I knew they were going to meet, and I knew it would probably be ugly. That one moment when "Cindy" disappeared made me think for a few minutes that, indeed, it was going to be a fake-out, and the castaway that would be "lost forever" was just going to be her.

Nope.

Since the whole Sayid-Shannon love affair did nothing but make me cringe, I can't say I was that upset to see it come to a decidedly definitive end. My only wish now is that Sayid go all medieval on Michelle Rodriguez's ass. Also, what the HELL is up with her teeth? Has she always had teeth that look like dentures? It's like she's got one continuous upper tooth. All the same size and length. All shiny.

As for Walt--he's gone from creepy to annoying. Dude. Enough with the spectral sneaking around, and the backwards talking. If all you've got to say is "They're coming and they're close," I don't think we need all the backwards-masking with it. Forwards or backwards, it's obviously not very helpful information...

The Most Exciting Thing to Happen on Wisteria Lane All Season

Actor Page Kennedy, also known as The-Dude-Chained-Up-in-the-Basement-on-"Desperate-Housewives," was fired from the show this week. According to Defamer, it's because he flashed a couple of crew members.

The hell??

I hope the previews for this week's episode, which show his character escaping, means the character will just disappear completely. That storyline was totally lame and going nowhere.

Darksided Alert!

I mistakenly reported that the "Trading Spouses" episode featuring the maniacal Marguerite Perrin had aired last week. In fact, it will air THIS Wednesday at 9.

Of course, that's the same time as a new episode of "Lost," and the devil himself couldn't tear me away from that...

As Long as I'm Already Late to the Party...

Here's another video clip everyone's already seen. A Mr. Gary Brolsma lip-syncing to a Romanian pop song.

Just like the "Star Wars" boy, this video has launched a thousand parodies, but for some reason, I just can't stop watching this version featuring an animated frog. I think it's even better than the original.

I DEMAND a Chance to Watch the Sea Monster Drama 'Surface'!

NBC and CBS will start to offer some of its shows "On Demand." The article doesn't say anything about its availability in San Francisco, however.

I've had digital cable for almost six months now, and I think I've used the actual cable box remote once. I haven't used any of cable's on-screen programming guides, and I don't even know if I HAVE "On-Demand."

Oh, TiVo.

Har-dee-har-har

This week's SFist post is now up, and it's all about the funny.

I Never Wanna Hear You Say

I know that when it comes to viral videos, the minute they hit the Web, they're old news.

But I still can't resist posting this one. And I can't resist watching it over.

And over.

And over.

Yeah. We All Ain't Ready. Not NEARLY Ready.

The sound sensation that's sweeping the nation--or at least a bunch of bored bloggers.

Kevin Federline's single!

Gorilla My Dreams

Man. Change it to monkeys and you'd have my new favorite show.

Battle of the Fierce

Those missing the presence of Janice Dickinson on "America's Next Top Model" need not worry. She's gonna have her OWN reality show about models, and casting is this Saturday in Hollywood.

Too bad it's gonna be on Oxygen, a channel I don't seem to have. If it were on a real network it would be fun to see if Janice could come close to Tyra in the ratings. But now she doesn't even have a chance. Poor Janice.

More Darksided Stuff

Yesterday I posted that clip from "Trading Spouses" with the woman...uh...calmly discussing her Christian beliefs. Hopefully you caught the complete episode last night--I know I didn't. Doh!

More here.

Your Mom Talks Funny!...WE GET IT!

Fox is developing a sitcom for Margaret Cho featuring a character based on her mother.

Because that part of her stand-up routine isn't tired at ALL.

You Don't Know Mouthware?

How come whenever I read anything about Supperclub, a restaurant that recently opened in San Francisco, all I can think about is that "Nuni and Nuni" sketch on Saturday Night Live?

Gargoyles! PSYCHICS!

My friend Rob sent me a link to this clip from "Trading Spouses." And it's awesome. Some might even say it's darksided stuff.

Somebody Call a Waaambulance!

Diane Wurts complains about reruns. In past years, I too hated it when networks would start to air reruns a mere few weeks into the new season. But now that I watch so much damned TV, I actually welcome these breaks. Seriously, if I had to watch the amount of TV I do consistently for four months without any breaks, I'd become even more of a shut-in than I already am.

I appreciate that many cable networks eschew the rerun trend in favor of having shows run straight through (although maybe if they didn't do that we wouldn't have to wait 17 years between seasons of "The Sopranos"), but when it comes to the networks? I'll take all the breaks I can get.

Which reminds me: "Lost" is a rerun tonight. AND I DON'T MIND!

Hey! I Thought This Was a Blog About TV!

Not your thinly disguised jealousy of all women!

Fine.

''Over There'' has been cancelled. I watched about five or six episodes and quickly grew tired of it. I'm not a fan of war movies or war shows in general, so I wasn't the ideal audience, but the big thing that bugged me about the show was it never seemed to have the guts to have an opinion about the war. Its constant need to have it both ways was quite frustrating.

And let the "Lost" novel tie-ins begin! I was trying to remember if I ever read any TV book tie-ins, and all I could come up with is one "X-Files" novel I once got as kind of a gag Christmas gift. I also read three "Star Wars" books, but I guess that doesn't really count...I never delved into the "Buffy" books. I wonder if my intense love for "Lost" will compell me to check this one out? And I wonder if the same will hold true for the "Arrested Development" tie-in that's coming out?

Lunch

So, I needed to go to the bank at lunch today, which meant walking about three blocks away, past the ballpark. After hitting the bank, I remember that there's a Specialty's hidden in the China Basin building behind the bank. I haven't been to a Specialty's in a while, but I remember loving this one sandwich they had that was made with melted cheese and fake crab. Sounds disgusting, but it was really scrum. When I got to the place I remembered that they'd changed ownership or something, and the entire menu has changed, and they no longer have that sandwich. So I perused the menu, decided on something else, and got in line.

They had two lines going. I was in one with one person in front of me, and the other line had about four. When my cashier called, "Next!" a tall, obnoxious blonde woman talking on a cell phone AND listening to an iPod left the other line and cut in front of me.

Fine. It was just one person. I could wait. So she gives her order and pays. Then I give my order (smoked pork sandwich, no onions), pay, and go stand with the rest of the boobs as we wait for our name to be called so we can pick up our sandwich.

It's not the best system. The people announcing the sandwiches have a tendency to mumble and not get your name right, so there's a lot of going over and comparing receipts and realizing yours hasn't been called yet. And it doesn't help when the cashier spells your name wrong. ("Rein"? COME ON!) So, after waiting about five minutes, the sandwich maker calls out two names and two sandwiches, none of which is intelligible, and before I can go over and check the receipts, Obnoxious Blonde shoves through, grabs one, and walks out. I look at the remaining sandwich, which is a tuna for "Serena," and continue to wait.

And wait. And wait. And wait. About 15 minutes pass, and I am now the only person waiting for a sandwich, while Serena's sad tuna sits unclaimed. It becomes apparent that someone has made-off with my pork, as it were, and just as I am about to approach the counter, Obnoxious Blonde storms in proclaiming that she got the wrong sandwich. Hers was tuna.

So Serena Tuna forks over her sandwich, grabs her tuna, apologizes--to the sandwich girl!--and stomps out. And I look at the sandwich girl, say "Uh. That's mine." She shakes her head and says, "Yeah."

So they make me another one (to their credit they didn't just repackage Obnoxious Blonde's return) and I head out to eat during the five minutes I now have left in my lunch hour.

Only to discover my sandwich is covered in onions. WAAAH-waah.

Sluts

It's a well-known fact that for many young ladies, Halloween is an excuse to dress sexy. Gals don't just want to be a cat, they want to be a sexy cat. They can't just be Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz," they have to be a sexy Dorothy. It's not just a vampire, it's a sexy vampire. Fine. I've grown to accept this. But last night I was overwhelmed by the number of chicks I saw who were just dressed...slutty. Not even an attempt at a costume. Just tight mini-skirts, fishnets, something low-cut, and high heels. (And no. I wasn't anywhere near the Tenderloin.) Now, unless all those women chose to dress as "whores" for Halloween, it seems they were just being plain lazy. (And as an aside, let me add that I did indeed once dress up as a hooker for Halloween. When I was in GRADE school. No comment.)

I would say the majority of the costumes I saw last night were just scantily-clad girls which, if you're a horny guy, is great fun. But if you're a tired and bitter 30-something gal, it's tiring. So I didn't even bother to get near the Castro, and thus avoided seeing costumes that were at least creative but also just...wrong.