Teresa Goes Up the Stairs, Teresa Goes Down the Stairs

So. Umm. WHOA. Last night's Lost, huh? Let me say I was totally freaked out by Locke's dream. And I was also a little freaked out by Locke's toupee in the flashback scenes, but that's a different matter. Of course this episode didn't really answer any big questions, (we still don't REALLY know how Locke lost the use of his legs) and just raised more (what did they say on that radio transmission? That they were no survivors of flight 815? That THEY were the survivors of 815? When did Nigeria become a hot bed of heroin smuggling?).

Of course the big question remains just what the hell is that thing buried in the ground? Some posit that it's a UFO (ala Stephen King's "Tommyknockers") but I don't really buy that. Call me naive when it comes to alien crafts, but for some reason I don't think a UFO would have Western numbers printed on its side...So what could it be? I'm going to have to watch the episode again, and try and get a better look at it...

Anything else I should look for?

Pop Pop Quiz Quiz

So I took Entertainment Weekly's Pop Culture Quiz, which is in this week's issue, and got a score of 76 (out of 100.) According to their ranking I "could sustain a conversation with Martin Scorsese for exactly six minutes. And then after that, he'd take over, so give yourself a hand!" Not bad, I guess.

As for the "Star Wars" quiz in the same issue, I got a mere 21 out of 40. I suppose that means I have to "unlearn what I have learned." Or some such crap...

Nipper!

This week's SFist post is up. Woo!

Hey, Ma and/or Pa? Could you tape that HBO movie for me? Thanks...

The French Chick Says Hi

Don't forget! There's a new episode of Lost tonight at 8! Finally!

Unfortunately, it's on the same time as the season--and possibly series--finale of American Dreams. But that's what TiVo, and VCRs are for, right? I just hope that Meg doesn't actually run off with that punk Jess, or whatever the hell his name is on this series. Doesn't matter, he's still playing the same selfish, "Oh, I'm such a sensitve rebel!" asshole he played on Gilmore Girls. Somebody draft him and make him flee to Canada or something. Please?

Stay Out of Trouble. Don't Do Drugs!

What can I say? Last night's episode of "The Amazing Race" was...amazing. Its two-hours of excitement almost--ALMOST--makes up for the fact that next week's episode is a clip show. Boo!

Like I said, the fact that there was going to be a non-elimination round in there was a foregone conclusion. I'm just glad it was given to Meredith ("Meredith is the guy!") and Gretchen. If they had been eliminated after suffering a massive head wound, that would have been pretty sad. (Even if they are kind of...annoying.) The added insult of having EVERYTHING stripped from them except their passports actually doesn't seem to have mattered. I think the producers finally realized that taking away the contestants money in non-elim rounds always turns into a big MacGuffin, but I don't think taking away their clothes and stuff will really make it any worse. Unless they take away their medication and glasses, too. THEN it might get interesting.

As for part two, of course it's all about the car crash. I love the brothers. LOVE them. I was sad to see that unfortunate accident happen to them, because it wasn't like they were being dicks and driving recklessly. It was, simply, an accident. It was a good thing that Lynn and Alex stopped (not that it actually helped anyone) and it was a real assholish thing that Rob and Amber did not stop. (Slow down and give the obligatory "Is everything all right?", dickhead. Jeeze.) But Lynn and Alex's constant "THEY JUST DROVE BY!" comments to anyone who would listen was, in the end, almost worse than what Rob and Amber did. We get it. You don't like Rob and Amber. You're SOOOOOO much better than them. Now please shut up.

And yes, Rob and Amber suck. Amber's inability to make a decision at the Fast Forward proved once and for all that she adds nothing to the team, except for the fact that people recognize her all over the world. And you know what? That's not fair. It's called "unfair advantage" and it shouldn't have a place in the race. It seemed obvious that at the shopping Detour she was having trouble, and was taking a long time, if that fan hadn't come along and helped her, she probably would have been there for hours. If they end up winning, there will nothing, NOTHING fair about it.

I'm rooting for the Brothers. That footrace at the end had me on the edge of my seat, clapping for joy. And to top it off, it meant the end of Ray and Deana. WOO!

And, in case you were worried that their experience on the show was going to put an end to their relationship, don't be. Apparently, they're still together.

Oh, the humanity.

The Horror...The Horror

The cast for the fifth season of "The Surreal Life" has been announced, and I don't know whether to laugh or shoot myself in the head. Here it is: Janice Dickinson ("The World's First Supermodel" or, alternatively, "ONE of the World's First Supermodels), Bronson Pinchot (ahhh...Balki), Omarosa (Oh god...no.), Caprice (Who?), Sandi Denton (Salt, of Salt-n-Pepa), Carey Hart (not to be confused with Corey Hart), and--good grief--Jose Canseco.

Hope you can hold out. It doesn't premiere until September 4th.

How Much Excitement Can One Person Take?

Don't forget: Tonight's episode of "The Amazing Race" is two-hours long. I think they're trying to avoid that annoying "to be continued" episode we had last season (remember? When Bolo and Lori looked doomed?) and are putting the cliff-hanger (and I think I mean that literally, as previews showed some blood on grandma, and a flipped car for, possibly, the brothers) in the middle of the episode. Betcha there's a non-elimination round in there! Also, here's something completely uninteresting: an interview with that whiny punk Patrick!

And for those who are bummed that "The Office" (which, I will admit, was really funny last week) is on at the same time, have no fear. Episodes will be re-run on CNBC, USA, AND Bravo. Sheesh! OK! We'll watch it already! Jeeze.

Gulager!

This season of Project Greenlight is turning into a bit of a trainwreck. Which, of course, is awesome. Gulager, the director, wants to hire everyone in his family to star in the movie, and the producers and casting director are none-too-happy about that. Not to mention the fact that this Gulager guy is a bit...odd.

I haven't read the winning script, but the concept: Cabin. People. Monsters in the woods, sounds oh so tired and familiar. Unlike one of the losing scripts, which was called "Does Anybody Here Remember When Hanz Gubenstein Invented Time Travel?" Well, luckily (Or not. We'll have to see what actually happens) Ben Affleck and pals have optioned that script. No word on whether Gulager will direct it.

The First Time...Ever I Saw Your....AAAAAHHHGH!

I watched two episodes of Chasing Farrah last night, and it sucked. Which, yeah, wow, that's a shocker! But the one fascinating thing about the show, and the one thing that kept me glued to the set, was how incredibly scary Farrah Fawcett looks now.

Now, I am not one to disparage a gal because she's getting older, and is no longer the youthful beauty she once was. That's life. But when you do all you can to try and reverse that, and end up looking downright scary in the process, and then you DENY that you've even had any plastic surgery, well then--THEN you are ripe for ridicule.

That said, I have to admit her bod is still pretty awesome.

Half Pint!

I can't tell you how excited I am to watch the new version of Little House on the Prairie that will be airing this Saturday on ABC (and four subsequent Saturdays after that.) I re-read all of the "Little House" books about 3 years ago, and even went to De Smet, South Dakota, to see the actual prairie and homes Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote about. (It was awesome.) The original TV series was cute and all, but one thing re-reading the books as an adult teaches you is that Laura was a tough gal, and living the prairie life was hard friggin' work. I hope this new series (which, alas, was shot in Canada) shows that part of it a little better than that 1970s, blow-dried-hair series did...

The Saturday premiere is two-hours long and starts at 8:00pm. The four other episodes are an hour each. My TiVo is set, baby.

Thinking Outside the Box About a Box

Wha? It's not Wednesday! But I DO have a brief post up SFist now! Shocking!

If You Want the Rainbow, You've Got to Put Up With the Rain

"Do you know which 'philosopher' said that? Dolly Parton.... And people say she's just a big pair of tits."

I had to include a quote from the original The Office that would never make it to American TV, just to drive home the point that, of course, the original will always be the best.

But the Americanized version continues to garner some good reviews, so I won't say any more about it until I actually watch a few episodes. (It premieres tonight at 9:30!)

For those who have BBC America, they're running a marathon of the first series on Saturday, and a marathon of series two next Saturday! Watch it!!

His Glass of Whine Is Always Half Empty

Did I mention how happy I was to see Patrick eliminated from "The Amazing Race" this week? His whiny "Why bother?" attitude was getting on my last nerve. Of course his mom blames that on the editing.

And you can add me to the list of people who think Rob and Ambah's amazing "luck" is all the work of the show's producers, who just don't want to see them leave the show. Conspiracy, I tells ya!

An Eggsperiment in Futility

This week's SFist post is up. Warning: Cute bunny photo and bad pun ahead!

Take Me Back. NOW!

I added a few more Disneyland photos over on Flickr. Oh, how I wish I was there now...

Search Terms 'R' Us

I find it endlessly amusing finding out how some people stumble onto this blog. So here's a collection of search terms, in no particular order, that have lead people, somehow, to Musty TV in the past month or so:

beyonce awful french (indeed)
amy poehler one leg (love it)
martha's poncho
mansquito
eva pigford walk, eva pigford photo, eva pigford boyfriend (I think I mentioned her ONCE, people!)
mini me's gotta pee
my family's always been in meat (I just love that someone out there did a search on that quote!)
trump or monkey
farrah fawcett on letterman
endurance hawaii hot pic (OK...being that the show features teenagers, that's just wrong)
billy crudup mastercard commercial
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i'm a pepper
tape of oprah's beef scandal (there's an album title or band name in that one)
And lastly:
amy sedaris huge boobs (really?)

Watch Out For Those Lightsabers! They'll Take an Eye Out!

Oh brother. George Lucas announced plans to re-release the "Star Wars" films in 3-D come 2007. Because, of course, he'll be BROKE by then, and in desperate need of any money he might be able to bleed from the franchise. Again.

And this time, not only will Greedo shoot first, but he'll shoot at the AUDIENCE! And then Han will be all "Hey, Greedo. Don't be shootin' at the audience, man. Now you really deserve to die." At which point he'll shoot Greedo under the table, and the laser blast will rip past your head, and set off an explosion in the back of the theater.

Because, you know, Han Solo is a GOOD guy.

Disneyland Snack Pack Shack

Disneyland was fab, as it always is, if a little too crowded on the last day. The weather had finally cleared, so the hoards came en masse. Luckily, we got early entry the first day, and were able to get into the park an hour before the majority, which meant we were able to get on six rides with no lines what-so-ever. It was awesome.

Here are a few photos.

Here we see Goofy fleeing from his adoring fans.

Pluto running from the dog-catcher. Might be rabies. It was actually kind of weird how many Disney characters I saw just running at full speed around the park.

Things were going great until we decided to get a Fantasy Funnelcake. It was actually more of a nightmare, as you can probably tell.

This is my favorite photo of the trip. It looks so unreal. And I love the blurred Monorail train on the right...

Deeedneeeelaaaand!

I'm signing off for a few days as I am going to DISNEYLAND! See that photo of my pal over there? That's where we'll be. All weekend. Running maniacally towards the Matterhorn.

Weeeeee!

Watch Letterman Tonight

To see if he mentions this. Freaky!

Wonder Woman!...All the World Is Waiting for You

I can't remember if one of the crazed fans at WonderCon asked Joss Whedon about this or not, but it's confirmed: He's bringing Wonder Woman to the big screen. Let the casting controversies begin!

I just hope he uses the theme song from the TV show. I forgot how dorky it was:

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world is waiting for you,
and the power you possess.

In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.

Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.

Wonder Woman,
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.
All our hopes are pinned upon you.
And the magic that you do.

Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fold,
Change their minds, and change the world.

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You're a wonder, Wonder Woman.

Tiburon! Margaritas!

This week's SFist post is up. And it's got teeth!

And The Winners of the Meat Eating Contest Are....

I know. It's just too easy.

I don't know what else to say about last night's episode of The Amazing Race except that Rob is a quitter. A big fat quitter. A quitter that was able to use the quitting rules to his advantage, but he's still a quitter, and for that, I really hope he and Amber do not win.

Of course I fault the show for creating an eating challenge that very few people would be able to actually finish. By making the challenge about the quantity of the food, and not what the food is (yeah, yeah, cow salivary glands. Whatever. That stuff was so well done I'm sure it all tasted the same), then they're just setting up a challenge that will take a long time, and most likely won't be done by most. And thus, they're making it easier for people to accept the penalty. If people are going to take two hours or more to finish eating everything, why not just take the four hour penalty?

Whatever. Rob is not some brilliant schemer. He did what others would have no doubt done as well, he just did it first.

And so I applaud Alex for getting through all that meat and making it to first place by actually racing.

Ryan Seacrest Is All Hands

Mario Vasquez, who recently quit "American Idol," to much speculation and controversy, appeared on Letterman last night, and read his Top Ten Reasons Why He Left American Idol, thus becoming my favorite "American Idol" constestant, ever.

You can see the clip by going to the Late Show with David Letterman site and clicking on "Big Show Highlight."

Lost Finale: Mansquito Is the Monster!

OK...That was just a cheap ploy to keep those "Mansquito" fans coming here.

But this IS an article about Lost and the finale.

Mansquito Wears Martha's Poncho!

I have received a tremendous (well, tremendous to me) number of hits in the past week from people searching for either "Mansquito" or "Martha's Poncho" and that just cracks me the hell up. If I had any talent, I'd photoshop an image of mansquito wearing the poncho, but people, I just don't. Sorry.

I can give you a link to a free pattern for Martha's Poncho. Enjoy.

Excitement and Dread

I know I've said in the past that I could do without any more comic book movies, but I will admit to being a little excited about the upcoming Sin City. I've only read a few of the Frank Miller comics it's based on, but I do consider myself a Frank Miller fan. And the trailer looks pretty cool. I think the idea of really making it look like the comic could ultimately be a bad idea--intense style is often used to make up for a lack of good storytelling and direction (*cough* Tim Burton *cough*). But if Rodriguez can pull it off, it will be awesome.

BUT....I have to say I'm not too happy about the presence of Bruce Willis. And these words just fill me with dread: "Special Guest Director Quentin Tarantino."

He's So Dreamy!......Errr...Maybe Not

Wow. To think I once thought John was the perfect reality show boyfriend. Totally my type, and he seemed to have a sensible head on his shoulders. He called people out on their crap, rightfully, and he made a good leader when he first took the role of PM.

And then last night happened. He whipped out that lame wallet chain, revealed that he's a musician (and thus totally down with the rock stars), while also revealing he's a self-centered, sexist asshole.

Thank GOD we never made out.

Well, at least now he'll have more time to work on his official website.

I Miss MST3K

Which is part of the reason I SOOOO wish we could get this channel in the States.

Smaller, Shorter, and Slightly Cut

Look for an edited version of The Passion of the Christ in theaters this Friday. Because Mel just doesn't have quite enough money yet.

Seriously, I saw the movie, and if they're editing out the graphic parts, it should be about an hour long. But apparently only six minutes will be cut out. Don't trust them! It's STILL not a film you should take your kids to see!

Mansquito

I just can't stop saying "Mansquito!" You can read more about "Mansquito" over at SFist now.

Mansquito!!!!!

Killing

Blogger is killing me today. KILLING ME!

Why the triple posts? And why won't they let me in to delete them?

PEOPLE! Get it together!

Lost Dreams

"Lost" is a rerun tonight, and next week, and for once I am actually glad about that because NBC has chosen to move American Dreams to 8:00 on Wednesdays. Way to give the show a chance, guys! I love "American Dreams" and fully admit that it is all kinds of cheesy and sappy and silly. But c'mon. A show set in the mid-60s? How could I not watch it for the hairdos and outfits alone? The stunt casting of contemporary musical stars as 1960s performers can be hard to take at times (Kelly Clarkson is NO Brenda Lee!) but at least they get some original performance footage and songs in there as well.

I've also been liking the brother-returns-from-Vietnam storyline, and how he's coming to terms with having fought in a war that he thought was just, while more and more people around him are against it. Sounds oddly contemporary, doesn't it? If you haven't been watching, try and give it a chance before they go and cancel it. It's really a lot better than you'd think...

Library Voices

Last night's Amazing Race was oddly dull. I'm not sure what the problem was, but the pacing seemed off, and the challenges were pretty lame. Shining shoes? Lugging books? I dunno. For someone who can be on the edge of her seat watching the racers book airplane tickets, last night bored me.

Can't say I was sad to see the blondes get eliminated. The threat of a romantic alliance between them and the brothers was too vomit-inducing to consider. (Have to admit the brothers are growing on me, though.)

Ahhhh. Rob and Ambah. I will grant that he's running a smart race, but I don't think the lying-and-then-lying-about-the-lying strategy needs to be used in this here game. If you're smart enough to get information the other teams weren't smart enough to get themselves, you have no obligation to tell them about it, and every obligation to lie. It's a RACE. But that also means you really don't have to PRETEND you're not a liar when confronted about it. Which is also why this game should never be played with "alliances." It just doesn't work.

Body Blow! Left...Left...

OK. I admit it. I watched The Contender last night. I've always had a perverse fascination with boxing--is there any other sport more pure? While other sports are about beating the competition, boxing is, literally, about beating the competition. And I have a soft-spot for those boxer mugs. So, yes, I watched it. And I kind of enjoyed it.

But MAN, was the cheese laid on thick. If I had to listen to one more boxer talk about how the reason he's doing this is so he can make a better life for his family, I was gonna punch myself in the face. (There was no one else around, and why subject the cat to such needless violence?) Also, there was something more than a little disturbing in how the show manipulates the viewer into caring about these guys, only to watch two of them get beaten to a bloody pulp at the show's end.

That said, the fight seemed awfully short. (Such brutality! And for such a short period!)

Fishy

I've become more and more disenchanted with VH-1's Best Week Ever. What was once a nice, brief collection of clever quips has become a tedious, brief collection of groan inducing one-liners. Too often the show just seems like a rehash of a group of comedy writers sitting around a conference room table trying to outdo each other with punchlines.

So, it came as no real surprise that the show might be seriously lacking in any real comedic spontaneity.

She Went Home

This news made me sad. Debra Hill died. She was the producer of the original Halloween , and a pioneering female producer in Hollywood. I remember when I first saw "Halloween," probably at age 10, and I read interviews with John Carpenter and Debra Hill, that I did think it was cool that the movie was produced (and co-written) by a woman...

Martha's Poncho

Seems people are talking about the poncho Martha Stewart wore this weekend, like it's some new fashion trend, and all I can say is, where has she been the past six months? Sheesh! Ponchos are SO last year!

Medium KO

Jus a reminder that there's no "Medium" on tonight because NBC is using its timeslot to premiere The Contender, the reality show hosted by a fake boxer and a real boxer in a search for America's Next Top Boxer. I think it's a little creepy that they're still going to air the show, even after one of the contestants killed himself last month...I could make some insensitve jokes about how I guess we now know who DOESN'T win, but I won't.

44 Is the New 33

Julia Louis Dreyfus has another shot at a series. Granted, she doesn't look her age, but wouldn't it be kind of refreshing if she'd at least play her age?

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Things I learned during last night's episode of Lost. Maybe.

Hurely owns a box company.

Hurley once spent time in a mental institution.

He won the lottery using cursed numbers.

Numbers that were heard by the crazy French lady while traveling on a boat that crashed while trying to find out the source of the broadcast repeating those numbers.

The numbers are also on the thingamabob buried in the ground that Locke was once obsessed with but seems to have forgotten in favor of carving baby cradles for Claire ('cause it's her birthday! Go Claire!)

The cursed numbers were the cause of the plane crash as well as some chick in Australia losing a leg. And I have no idea what that was about because I also learned, thanks to an Amber alert message they just couldn't wait until a commercial to run, instead choosing to cut the show off for about three minutes, that a girl was missing in the Sacramento area. The girl was found, like, an hour later, alive and well, so I think I can safely say, THANKS A LOT KGO!

Shocked. SHOCKED!

How much does your husband have to suck in order for you to file for divorce while six months pregnant?

She Started Over, All Right.

This week's SFist post is ready for your consumption, but it might need a little salt.

*Phew!*

I was so pleased by last night's premiere of The Amazing Race. No boyfriends berating their girlfriends, no ugly Americans, and no dating models! It actually felt like a return to the TAR I know and love.

Except for Rob and Amber. Their constant mentioning of "Survivor" and their mugging to the camera (I think they spent more time talking to the camera than they did to each other) grew tired very, very quickly. But you've always gotta have one team to hate, and I guess, for now, they're it.

The Wicked Awesome Race

Don't forget! The Amazing Race starts up again tonight at 9 p.m. with a two-hour premiere, which is awesome because I can't even remember how that last season even ended. Nope. Don't remember who won...no, you don't need to tell me! ::La la la la la!!:: Not listening! I can't hear you!!!

Obviously, I don't know who I'm rooting for yet, but I'm pretty sure it won't be Rob and Ambah. I admit to always having a soft spot for the grandparent teams, so for now: Go Gretchen & Meredith! Wait a minute. The husband is named Meredith. "Meredith"? That's not a guy's name is it? I don't think I can condone that. So maybe I won't be rooting for them after all...