Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 7: Cutting Class (1989)

Cutting Class is billed as a dark horror comedy, but there's nothing very scary or funny in it. Instead, it's really only notable for being one of Brad Pitt's first feature films and for having a bunch of Wall of Voodoo songs on the soundtrack. And I also suppose for being at least one nail in the coffin of the 1980's slasher movie trend.

Donovan Leitch co-stars as a high school student who spent five years in an insane asylum for killing his father. Martin Mull (the film's only real comedic relief) is the district attorney who helped put him away. And Jill Schoelen is his daughter, who he leaves alone for a week so he can go hunting, imploring her to do her homework, not have any boys over, and definitely not cut class. She does all three.

When students and staff start disappearing and dying, the insane asylum alum is of course the number one suspect. But is he really a killer? Or is he being set-up? It takes way too long to get to that answer, and by that time, its neither surprising or scary. Aside for a few interesting shots, including one of a face behind a water cooler that's genuinely creepy, if completely preposterous, the movie is just very, very basic.

I watched Cutting Class on Peacock.

Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 6: Trauma (1993)

I always try to get a Dario Argento movie into this countdown, and the results have been pretty hit or miss. And I have to say, 1993's Trauma falls into the miss column. 

It was Argento's first film produced in the States (Minnesota is the setting) so it doesn't have a lot of the usual post production dubbing that mars Italian productions, which is a plus, and the story itself is classic giallo. But it falls short in so many other ways.

Asia Argento plays Aura, a traumatized teenager with anorexia who is rescued from a suicide attempt by a TV news employee. She's also being terrorized by a serial killer who is decapitating people associated with the psychiatric hospital she escaped from.

The film is filled with a surprising number of well known actors, including Piper Laurie, Frederic Forrest, and Brad Dourif, and they are all universally terrible in the movie. I'm always amazed when something like that happens. Can a good actor really give a bad performance just because he's following the direction of a bad director? Or is there something else going on?

But aside from that, it's just not a very engaging story, is, for the most part, bereft of Argento's trademarked garishness, and has too many ick factors surrounding Asia Argento, who was 17 when the movie was filmed. Her character is 16 years old, appears topless, and engages in a romantic relationship with the adult hero. No thank you.

I watched Trauma on Prime Video.

Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 5: The Coffee Table (2024)

The Spanish horror movie The Coffee Table (La mesita del comedor in Spain) was billed as a black comedy, but hoooooo boy, it is perhaps the blackest of black comedies ever made. Unless "black comedy" means you cringe so hard you find it hard to continue watching and you laugh maybe once?

There's no denying The Coffee Table is a horror movie, though not one that has anything to do with the supernatural, mad killers, or science fiction. Its horrors are firmly planted in real life, and that's what makes it an almost unbearable experience. It's a hard movie to talk about! Explain why you found it so difficult to watch and you take away any surprises. But you kind of have to explain why it's so difficult to watch if you want to give fair warning to any potential viewers.

So I will be extremely vague and just say that the movie ultimately proves that bad taste in interior design is no laughing matter, and can lead to more than just aesthetically horrible outcomes.

I watched The Coffee Table via a DVD from my library, but it is also available to rent online.

Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 4: When Michael Calls (1972)

Not entirely sure where I heard about the 1972 made-for-TV-movie When Michael Calls (also known as Shattered Silence), but it may have been as I was looking up information about When a Stranger Calls (see yesterday's post). Whatever the case, when I saw the cast, which includes Michael Douglas and Ben Gazzara, I was intrigued.

I probably shouldn't have been; it's pretty standard TV fare. Divorced mom Helen (Elizabeth Ashley) begins to get phone calls from a child claiming to be her nephew Michael, who died 15 years earlier. Is it a ghost calling from beyond the grave? A grown up Michael out for revenge? The angry farmhand? Helen's brother, Craig (Michael Douglas)? Or her ex-husband, Doremus (?!?!) (Ben Gazzara)?

Frankly, it's pretty easy to figure out the who of the mystery, though the why of it doesn't make a whole lot of sense once it's revealed. As dumb as it was, I always find something nostalgically comforting in watching these 1970's TV horror movies, so, not a complete waste.

I watched it on Plex, but there are plenty of free places to stream it, including YouTube, below. This version has the original ABC Tuesday Movie of the Week intro, which is fun to see.

Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 3: When a Stranger Calls (1979) and When a Stranger Calls Back (1993)

I think having seen the opening scene parodied so many times, and having seen the Scream movies, and knowing what the ultimate payoff of that opening scene is, I was under the impression I had actually seen the original When a Stranger Calls. Turns out, I had not!

Granted, the film's beginning is definitely the best part, building tension pretty well for a payoff that anyone who's told scary stories around a campfire has probably already heard. Carol Kane is not the most convincing teenager, which may be part of the reason she disappears after that opening for the majority of the movie, returning only for the climax, but she's such a unique screen presence and she's so good, that I can forgive that. (And if you want proof that her performance is so integral to the effectiveness of the movie's first half, just watch The Sitter, the original short the movie was based on.)

The middle part of the movie takes a bit of a turn, becoming more of a procedural that follows a detective (Charles Durning, excellent) as he tries to find the escaped killer (Tony Beckley twitchy, sweaty and sickly perfection, probably because he was, sadly, pretty ill during the filming, and would die a few months after it opened), who is in turn wandering the city seeking refuge before becoming fixated on a tough barfly (Colleen Dewhurst, amazing; how'd she find her way into this?).

It's ultimately a weird mash-up of genres, but because of that, it does stand apart from your standard slasher movie of the era. I enjoyed it so much, I decided I'd give the sequel a try, even though I didn't have high hopes for it since it was filmed over a decade later, and was a direct to cable release.

Turns out, When a Stranger Calls Back is pretty good too! Both Carol Kane and Charles Durning return, this time helping out a college student who five years earlier had a similarly traumatic experience babysitting. When she starts to notice weird things happening in her apartment, she seeks the help of Kane's Jill, the college guidance counselor. Pretty lucky to have a guidance counselor who's no stranger to babysitting trauma!

As in When a Stranger Calls, the psycho in this one is unique, to say the least. I think the movie benefits a lot from knowing very little going in, so I won't say more about him. But I will say I was howling with gleeful laughter at the film's climax. It's ridiculous, but in a good, giallo kind of way.

I watched When a Stranger Calls on Peacock. When a Stranger Calls Back is available to stream on a lot of free services, but I chose to watch it via the Shout! Factory Blu-ray release via my library since it's a better print, can be viewed in widescreen or original TV ratios, and includes the original short, The Sitter.

Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 2: Sacred Blood (2015)

As I said in yesterday's post, I will watch anything filmed in San Francisco, no matter how terrible, and Sacred Blood is pretty terrible. Directed by Christopher Coppola (Francis Ford Coppola's nephew, and Nicolas Cage's brother) the cast includes Michael Madsen, Bai Ling, Nicolas Cage doppleganger Bailey Coppola (Christopher's son), and Kato Kaelin (?!). Anna Baini stars as a Russian circus performer who becomes a vampire and haunts the streets of San Francisco, and when it comes to scenes shot on those streets, the movie does deliver, with locations that include Edindburgh Castle, the Condor Club, the Lipo Lounge, and various Chinatown alleys.

I will give it this: there's always some fun to be had watching a vengeful lady vampire tear apart some misogynistic city scum, and Michael Madsen is at his Michael Madsen-iest as a flask-drinking detective. Also, there is a vampiric poodle, so, the movie is not without some rewards! But while it's not the WORST San Francisco-set horror movie I've ever seen, I think it will only prove rewarding to San Francisco cinema completists like me.

I watched Sacred Blood on Pluto TV, but it is available to stream free, with commercials, on several platforms.

Musty TV's Maniacal Movie Countdown - Day 1: Criminally Insane (1975)

I love a San Francisco set horror movie, especially one shot in the 1970s, and Criminally Insane is just that. And I had not even heard of it before this year! True, it is barely a movie, at just over 60 minutes long, but it packs a lot into that 60 minutes!

Priscilla Alden stars as Ethel, an overweight mental patient released to the care of her grandmother who lives in a San Francisco Victorian. (I couldn't quite figure out the neighborhood, but possibly the Western Addition or Pacific Heights). All Ethel wants to do is eat. A lot. When her grandmother locks up the refrigerator and hides all the food, Ethel kills her, and sticks the body in an upstairs bedroom. 

Her brief freedom to binge eat is soon interrupted by the likes of a delivery boy who demands payment for grocery orders, Ethel's sister, who has left her abusive boyfriend to come live with their grandmother too, and a detective trying to solve some disappearances. Can't a lady eat in peace?

Priscilla Alden gives an impressive performance in that she is devoid of any likability whatsoever. It's actually kind of astounding just how unpleasant she is. Criminally Insane is extremely low budget; the blood is clearly very thick red paint, and the violence looks like it's been edited by someone who doesn't completely understand the rules of cutting. Both kinds. Still, I appreciated it for its forgotten grindhouse charms, and definitely enjoyed seeing the streets of 1970's San Francisco.

I watched Criminally Insane on Prime Video.