Poet Laureate of the Whole Damn World

I'm usually under the impression that if something is awesome, everyone knows about it already, and I don't need to bother posting about it here. Sometimes, even in those cases, I'll talk about it here just because it's good to have easy access to, say, my favorite Keyboard Cat moments.

But in the off chance that there's someone reading this who is not yet aware of the complete and utter win that is Sex Pigeon, well, you will soon know. It can be explained easily enough: This guy takes pictures of what he sees every day, and captions them. Simple. In fact, most of the time, the pictures are nothing special. But the captions...oh, the captions. They are magic. Poetry. Dare I say, genius. His--often quite brief--sentences are usually better than anything I read all day.

Here are a few of my faves:

One from today.

Comedian.

The future.

Squirrel!

Bookmark it. Make it your homepage. If you have a brain port, insert it directly. Just be sure to read it. Forever.

It's Keats!

This week's Tube Tops is not up on the SFGate Culture Blog!

I can not tell you how much I am loving San Francisco's fog right now. Whenever Labor Day comes around, I always get this excitement for the end of summer and the beginning of fall, and always seem to forget that, duh, San Francisco summer, weather-wise, basically STARTS around Labor Day and lasts until a little before Halloween. So I will savor as many foggy days as I can get these coming weeks!

*Gulp*

Yikes. That was a big one. But at least it was short.

(That's what she said.)

Also, I'm sitting at home in a halter dress not fit for public view and the first thing I thought when the quake hit was "Crap! I can't run out of here looking like this! I sure hope this isn't big enough to lead to a need to leave my apartment!"

Which is why, when you live in San Francisco, you should always be presentable. Even in bed. No sleeping in the nude!

How Stupid Do You Think I Am?

I have a brief post up on SFist about the mayor's wife and "Mad Men."

Oh, you know you want to check it out!

I'm Ready!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The East Coast, West Coast argument over who is best may never be settled, but one thing is for sure. East Coast douchebags are WAY more entertaining. Check it.



And below, a video I've seen referred to as a "Guido mating ritual." Priceless.



If these kinds of assholes were populating bars in the Marina, I might actually venture down there now and then. Hell, I'd take this over most of the hipsters in the Mission, too.

Almost As Fun As a Jesus Jell-O Mold!

Today was Easter. Didya hear? Me and much of the family gathered at my parents' for a feast that included ham, potato salad, mac and cheese, roasted asparagus, and green bean and brie casserole. YUM!

Today was also the annual "BYOBW" race in which adults bring their own Big Wheels and other plastic-wheeled kids' vehicles, and ride them down a crazy crooked street. Last year it was on Lombard Street, but it comes as no surprise that they got complaints and they had to move it. Luckily, they moved it to Vermont and 20th on Potrero Hill because that's two blocks from my parents' place. We went up and joined the crowd (a HUGE crowd it was) and checked it out. Below is some video. (I'm sure you can find other videos on YouTube shortly.)

It's a pretty obstructed view, but you can get the general idea. Hundreds of people on tiny toys riding down a very crooked street. Some of them were dressed as animals; some rode garbage cans instead of Big Wheels; and some rode tiny wheeled vehicles that were closer to toy trucks than anything a human being should ever mount and guide down a hill. All to the haunting strains of my parents' dog's constant barking. In all, it was pretty damn rad, and it's just another reason why I love living in this city...

ETA: Since I have TiVo, I rarely watch commercials, but last night I caught that commercial about some kind of SUV which features a bunch of people riding down a hill on Big Wheels and other toys. Let it be know, the S.F. Big Wheel races came first, and there aren't any SUVs carting people's lazy asses back up the hill here.

It's Super Mardi Gras!

That's French for "Super Fat Tuesday," you know. That means today you should get really drunk, go vote, and then yell at the polling place person to show you her/his tits.

Or maybe you should save the getting drunk part for after voting. But whatever you do, VOTE!

Oh...Oh no. OH NO. Oh boy. OOOOOOHHHH BOY. OK. OK....OK

That was my reaction to this:

Look at the size of that red square!!!

The sad thing is every time these things happen I realize how unprepared I am. Most of the above reaction was exclaimed while I stood frozen with fear in the middle of my living room.

Rude Awakening

I don't know if I was already awake, or if it woke me, but I definitely felt that.

Eeeeeeek!

I Can't Blame the Neighbors This Time

It's 11:00pm on a Monday night. Why the hell are there huge fireworks going off over the City?

He Can't Be Any Worse Than the Guy In There Now

It has come to my attention that not everyone has seen the creepy campaign ad by a certain Mr. Mike Gravel, who is running for president. Well, here it is.



It should be noted that the video was, indeed, shot in San Francisco. And it sounds like the sequel, called "Fire," was too.

He's got my vote!

Conan Is Gone!

I've got a brief report about Conan's final San Francisco taping up on on SFist now.

Today's show was just as good as Monday's, I thought, and my seat was a little better. While I was still on the mezzanine, I was three rows from the front, although perilously close to the jimmy jib. I kept thinking it was going to swoop down and brain me. This whole week made me wish we had some kind of national talk show based out of S.F. Never gonna happen, but it would still be cool.

Conan Is Here

That was fun.

Thanks to NBC11, I was able to avoid the massive line that stretched from the Orpheum Theater to, apparently, the Ferry Building (or so it seemed) and instead just had to stand around in the "V.I.P" area of the theater for an hour. An area that had a bar that was, alas, closed, although it was fully stocked, and just sitting there, taunting us. The seats for this particular group of V.I.P.s were on the mezzanine level which, while not the floor, were still pretty good and allowed full view of the action.

It was a tight show, and it's always amusing to see what goes on when it's commercial time. The band plays, lots of people wander around the stage, and Conan just kind of mills about, at least when he didn't have Dana Carvey sitting next to him. They had some technical difficulties with the fake San Francisco backdrop (which was a video image of the skyline) so it will be interesting to see how they cover that, if at all, in tonight's broadcast. I won't give away too much about the show, but there's a pretty funny video bit taken around the City, as well as a little cameo as featured in the above picture. You can guess the joke...

Hopefully I'll be able to attend Friday's taping, which would be great--taking in both the opening and closing night shows, how very circular. I'll keep you posted. And if you want to freeze your TiVos and look for me in the crowd shots, like I said, I'm on the mezzanine level, in the middle, wearing a red sweatshirt. And a rainbow wig.

Photo copyright 2007/Dana Edelson/NBC

But You ARE In That Chair!

On Friday I dined once again at the Nob Hill Cafe, this time with the full intention of sitting near the twins and eavesdropping. Things worked out perfectly, and we were seated right behind them. I wasn't quite close enough to hear what they were talking about, but my friends were, and man, oh man. What you think in your wildest dreams that those two sisters would talk about after a few glasses of wine is, indeed, what they talk about. And fight about.

"I could have had a baby!"
"Oh sure, you WOULD want something like that, wouldn't you??"

"When you're gone, that's it for me. That's it."

"I just want to see this tiramiSUUUUUUU they keep talking about!!"

Truly awesome. I highly recommend it. Go on a Tuesday or Friday around 7, and request a table in the room away from the kitchen. It's the real San Francisco treat.

Conan Conquers San Francisco

I posted about this on SFist, but they're having trouble with their servers, so who knows when it will actually appear on the site. Late Night with Conan O'Brien is coming to San Francisco at the end of April for a week of tapings at the Orpheum Theater.

This is the link to learn how to get tickets. It's taking a long-ass time to load, though, so if you want to get tickets, send an email request to ConanInSanFrancisco - at - nbcuni - dot - com with your name, address, phone number and email. And if you get tickets, take me.

Enough With the Earthquakes Already!

We had ANOTHER damn earthquake a little while ago. They all seem to be coming from the Berkeley area and these have been going on since November.

This one was the biggest in a while, at 4.2. When it hit I screamed like a girl and jumped off my couch. Not sure what I thought I was going to do, but I'm thinking I might start wearing a helmet to bed. Just in case.

OK, That Was Cool

We just got hail the size of peas in San Francisco. Now, I realize hail can get a lot bigger than that in other parts of the world, like the size of canned hams and such. But for San Francisco, pea-sized hail is pretty big. And what was cool about it was I heard it coming. There was a lot of thunder, and some lightning, and then I heard this distant...thrashing sound. And it slowly got louder, like something was getting closer. And then it got to my neighborhood and it sounded like a dumptruck in the sky had just unloaded a billion pebbles on my roof.

Scary. But awesome.

Where There's Smoke, There's Fire...Right?

Yesterday I was on Potrero Hill, driving towards the 280 on-ramp, when I saw a huge plume of black smoke pouring out of a building close to downtown. It soon turned to white smoke, but it looked like it had been burning for a while as the skyline had a haze of smoke about it.

Today I tried to look up, on various news sites and search engines, something about the fire, and I could find nothing about a fire in downtown San Francisco on Saturday, November 18th. What the hell?

Unexplainable Disgust Explained

I have always had a deep and unexplainable hatred of local news anchor Pete Wilson. I can't stand the dude. In the past, I was never able to really pinpoint just what it is was about the guy that I disliked so much, but the recent brouhaha over some comments he's made has shed some light on what I must have just been sensing all these years. Call it Anti-Gaydar.

Does This Mean They'll Just Fly Lower?

It's Fleet Week, and you all know how much I love it. (And no, I'm not being sarcastic.) But for the first time that I can remember, it's actually raining. It's usually really hot during Fleet Week, Indian summer and all that, but not today, that's for sure. The Blue Angels are supposed to start their practice flyovers today, but I'm wondering if they cancel that due to rain?

I think it's supposed to clear up by this weekend, when the real air shows begin, but I can't say them not getting a chance to survey the skies and do a practice run fills me with confidence. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE watching the Blue Angels, but I'm not naive enough to think something CAN'T go wrong. I just choose to ignore that fact, much like I ignore the fact that I live in a City that's sitting on a faultline, and we could all be dust in a matter of minutes. Don't ignore it, and you'll just go nuts--or move to Kansas and worry about tornadoes instead.

Edited to add: Well, a Blue Angel just flew over my roof, so I guess that answers my question.