Out With a Whimper

It's New Year's Eve. Some friends are going to be calling me shortly to try and get me to go to a party, but I don't think I'm going to make it.

One of my fish is sick.

I was just telling someone about my amazingly resilient fish. They're over five years old, which I think is pretty old for fish. Granted, I once had a goldfish that lived to be nine, but being that these fish were my first foray into a full-on tropical fish tank, I was sure I'd screw it up somehow and they wouldn't last a month. I was wrong.

They're a couple of bala sharks, and I've loved having them. As their name implies, they look like tiny sharks, and make a cool clicking sound when they eat. Of course fish aren't the most exciting of pets, but that's kind of the point. It was very soothing to watch them floating around as I would drift off to sleep.

But now one of them has the floating-upside-down blues. From what I've read, it sounds like he's got something wrong with his "swim bladder." Oddly, one cure for that is to feed the fish peas. Easier said than done, but I did my best and all I can do now is wait...

It's making me really sad, though. How weird to get attached to a pet that you never actually get to cuddle with or touch. But I have...

What Are YOU Doing On New Year's Eve?

I hate New Year's Eve. There. I said it! My bad New Year's Eve experiences far out number the good ones, so over the years I've done my best to ignore the holiday completely. New Year's Day, with its promise of mom's blackeyed peas, I much prefer.

So I have no idea what I'll be doing tomorrow night, but I can honestly say if I just end up staying at home watching A&E's 24 hour "24" marathon, I wouldn't mind that one bit...

Where Am I?

I have been taking advantage of my not needing to be on the Internets everyday, and have been spending this week doing some fun things. Seeing family and friends; taking advantage of post-holiday sales; and theater-hopping!

Yesterday I saw "Rumor Has It" and "The Chronic WHUT? Cles of Narnia." I found "Narnia" the more believable of the two.

In "Rumor" Aniston is engaged to Mark Ruffalo, but is having doubts about their relationship. That anyone would have doubts about marrying Mark Ruffalo is unbelievable enough, but that she would (SPOILER!) then cheat on the guy with Kevin Costner?? I think not. Of course, that's just my own obsession with Mr. Ruffalo clouding my judgment, but even aside from that, the movie was so light it almost floated out of the theater. I also tend to take issue with any romantic comedy that has to use cheating on a significant other as a plot device. Especially when the person being cheated on is perfectly....perfect.

After that I snuck into "Narnia" via a hidden wardrobe the Metroen has in a closet. Unlike "The Lord of the Rings," I actually did read several (though not all) of the "Narnia" books as a child. I remember being so engrossed in one of them that I peed my pants. I didn't want to stop reading, and didn't notice that I had to go to the bathroom, and by the time I did, it was too late. I suppose that's a testament to the books' excellence? Regardless, I made sure to take a bathroom break before the movie started.

I'm not going to get into all that stuff about how "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" is a Christian parable because I think that's kind of pointless. (Resurrection myths existed long before Christ, so why can't Lewis's use of one here be a tribute to longstanding mythic tradition? Why does it always have to be about Jesus? Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!) And while I'm not as a big a fan of the "Rings" movies as some people I know (you know who you are!) I have to say they were definitely better than "Narnia." I'm not sure if it's the talking animals--which, granted, are done amazingly well--especially the talking beavers (dirty!), or the fact that the heroes are all kids, or that the world of Narnia could just be interpreted as their fantasy, but it never reaches a level of "gravitas" that any of the "Rings" films reach. And as a result, it often comes off as...silly. In fact, people in the audience laughed at several moments that weren't supposed to be funny...

I was engrossed, and never bored, but let's just say if I had to go to the bathroom during the movie, my pants would have stayed dry.

Also? I hated the ending.

Jesus Was a Bunny

This is my favorite nativity scene. EVER. It's so wrong, and yet, so right.

Christmas is over now, so I have to go weep myself to sleep knowing that tomorrow I will have to return to the hell that is everyday life.

Oh, I kid. Sort of. I had a great Christmas, and I'm sure that the joy I felt this weekend will last at least through the end of the week. I have so many cool new things to read/listen to/play with/watch/wear, I just don't know where to begin!

So, for one last time this year, let me say: Merry Christmas.

My Kitty Is Snoring

That has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but it's just too cute not to mention.

Today's SFist post is now up. And with that done, I think I will head out shortly to do some last minute purchasing. I CAN NOT BE STOPPED!

Go Get the Pole Out of the Crawlspace!

And let the Airing of Grievances begin!

Only One Day Until Festivus!

There's another SFist post up now. And I'd like to add a disclaimer. When I speak of "family," I am in no way speaking of MY family. My family is PERFECT.

Man. It's pouring rain out there, and I have to go out into it because I have an optometrist appointment. Gah! I'm not one to complain about the rain (I HAVE to love it, don't I?) but the thing I've hated about it recently is how muggy and warm it's been. If it's gonna rain, I'd rather it be chillingly cold, too. Instead, my apartment is unbearably stuffy and hot because I can't open a window for very long because...it's pouring rain out!

I Think I'll Sue Leno for NOT Being Funny

And for keeping me from watching the "Tonight Show" for the past 10 years.

A woman has issued a restraining order against David Letterman for some pretty batshit crazy reasons.

Dumb.

That's about all I can muster to say about the season finale of "Nip/Tuck" last night.

Oh Hi!

I had to get some more Christmas shopping done this afternoon, so today's SFist post went up a little late.

While I still can't believe Christmas is a mere five days away, I have to say that's probably a good thing. SOMETHING has to stop my crazed shopping!

Martha Stewart, Why Do You Hate Me?

I just attempted to make the pictured recipe from the Martha Stewart Holiday Cookies special issue. They're Almond Macaroons, and I should have been suspicious from the beginning since the recipe doesn't contain any flour. It's almond paste, confectioners sugar, an egg white, and vanilla.

This was the result.

Granted, my mixer died on me in the middle of mixing, but I'm pretty sure I mixed it well enough, and even if I hadn't, I don't think improper mixing would result in this.

They don't taste bad, but they're an unpleasant texture--they kind of stick to your teeth and are both too chewy and too crunchy. They're just wrong.

This isn't the first time a Martha Stewart recipe has completely screwed me over, but still I continue to put my faith in her. And I baked some chocolate shortbread cookies yesterday that turned out OK, so it's not like ALL her recipes suck. It's just kind of hard to judge which ones will be disasters and which ones won't.

And I was planning to bake a batch of snickerdoodles, but now with my mixer busted, I don't think I can. There's no WAY I'm going to get all "Frontier House"on the process and try to cream the butter and sugar together with a whisk, I tell you what!

Raised Eyebrows

Last week's mention of "Cheaters" compelled me to check out the show again. TiVo must have sensed this desire because it decided to record an episode for me yesterday. One of the stories was from this young lady, who suspected her boyfriend was...yes...cheating on her.

Now, I can't do an actual screencap of the show, so I took this photo of my TV because I just HAD to share the image of this woman's eyebrows with someone. The photo doesn't do them justice (click on it for a bigger view), but I think you get the general idea.

Now, I understand that eyebrow-waxing accidents happen. And if something like that should happen to you, you'd probably do your best to camouflage the mistake, and I think any attempt would probably look...fake.

But COME ON!

I have the feeling this was a conscious choice on this woman's part. Why anyone would CHOOSE to paint their eyebrows to look like a bad version of Divine is beyond me. But all I could think was, if this woman is really confused about why her boyfriend might cheat on her, well....I think the answer is right in front of above her eyes.

Aneurysm! Heart Attacks! Strokes!

I'm going to try and put up a daily TV post on SFist again this week, and you can read today's installment now!

Remember How I Said I'd Get a Smaller Tree This Year?

Tori and Lights
Originally uploaded by Rain Rain Rain.

Well, that didn't happen. I WANTED to, but none of the places I went to had Douglas Firs that were under six-feet tall...OK, they DID, but they were like, three-feet tall, and that's a little TOO small. Come on!

So, once again, I have a huge-ass tree crammed into my tiny apartment. It took me four hours to get the lights and decorations on it--I kid you not, and now I am utterly exhausted. And while I'd like to just enjoy it, all I can think about is what a nightmare it's going to be to get it OUT of my apartment in a few weeks.

Ahhh....Christmas.

Are You PROUD Of Yourself?

Apparently, four people involved with the show "Cheaters" are being sued for assault. I'll admit to being mildly addicted to the show in the past, but I stopped watching it about a year ago because it was really beginning to seem like most of the incidents were staged. But, if this suit is legit, perhaps I was wrong.

However, I STILL believe the episode where Joey Greco gets stabbed was completely fake.

Apprenti

I watched the season finale of "The Apprentice" last night, and have to say I'm a little torn about the ending. On the one hand, I think it was kind of a dick move on Randal's part to not say Rebecca should be hired, too. But on the other hand I think he had a point when he said the show is called "The Apprentice" and not "The Apprenti" [sic!] Trump didn't have the balls to just hire the both of them, and instead tried to get Randal to do his dirty work. And Randal was having none of that crap.

But cry not for Rebecca, as she already has an $150,000 job offer.

Well, THAT Happened

So, I got through the interview. It was quite long, and with several different people, but I think it went OK. I am admittedly a little rusty when it comes to job interviews, and I haven't had the chance to kind of build up to this one, but whaddya gonna do?

I really, really liked the people I spoke with, and it seems like a totally awesome place to work, so I'm really excited by the prospect. But I also don't want to build myself up to disappointment, so I think I will keep my fingers steadily crossed, and try not to fret too much about it.

And most importantly, now the mad rush to Christmas can officially begin!

Wahoo

I'm off to a job interview that will require most of my day since I have to drive an hour there and back to get to it. I'm a little stressed about it, but mainly I just want to get it out of the way because I feel like once this day is through, I'll finally, FINALLY, be able to concentrate on Christmas. I've devoted my day tomorrow to rearranging my apartment in preparation for a tree, and I just know once the smell of pine (or fir, or whatever the hell kind of tree I end up getting) is in my house, the spirit of Christmas will just wash over me and I will be nothing but sweetness and light.

Ha!

Also, I hope to get back to more regular blogging now that my job is KAPUT! I promise!

But not until tomorrow. Right now I have to start practicing how to answer questions about my old job without coming across like a bitter, resentful ex-employee.

Because I'm NOT!

Final Furtive Post from Work!

I couldn't leave the office without sneaking in one final blog post...so here...look at this!

Santa...Satan...Coincidence?

There are some awesome photos in this gallery of kids getting scared shitless by Santa...

This one is my fave.

Oh God Just Make a Decision Already!

Rumors are flying once again that Showtime might pick up "Arrested Development."

I don't have Showtime, (or HBO) and tend to rely on my parents to tape all the shows I want to see on those channels. Which means I usually end up watching the shows in one sitting after the season finales. I don't know if I'd be able to to hold off that long for "Arrested Development!" Which means I'd have to bite the bullet and actually get the channel. And, when you don't even have a job, that seems kind of foolish.

But hopefully by the time "AD" premieres (IF it premieres) I will have a fabulous, high-paying new job, and I'll get 20 versions of Showtime AND HBO. Huzzah!

Pardon the Snoring

This week's SFist post is up now!

What are you waiting for?

Freight Trains

Christmas is barreling down on me like a freight train, and I haven't even gotten my tree yet. Oy! Prepping my house for a tree takes an entire day's worth of furniture rearranging and junk discarding, and I haven't had a free day yet this month to do that. Birthdays, weddings, volunteer gigs, out of town jaunts, ending seven-year jobs and final projects for school have meant I haven't had time to wash a dish let alone get in the Christmas spirit. And that's kind of sad.

But I turn in my final school project tonight and leave my job for good on Wednesday, and aside from a potentially stressful job interview this Thursday, my days are looking a lot freer.

As for this here blog, there's been little to speak about in regards to TV since most shows are on Christmas break. Instead, here's a photo of a tiny toy monkey, which is part of my final project for a photography class I've been taking. Once I turn the photos in I'll try and post the best on Flickr or something.

Double Your Pleasure

Looks like "Kitchen Confidential'' is gone for good. I can't say I'm too disappointed, as the show never seemed to reach its potential for the funny.

The good news, as piddily as it is, is that there will be two episodes of "Arrested Development" on Monday to fill in that gap. Woo!

He's Very Clean

There's another SFist post up now.

Don't read it if Paul McCartney is your favorite Beatle.

We Have to Wait HOW Long?

We won't be getting a new episode of "Lost" until next year, so I wouldn't be surprised if I forget everything that's gone on in the show in that time. (OK. That's a lie. I know part of my Christmas vacation will be spent re-watching season one.)

But should you come to that new episode next month feeling clueless, maybe the LostPedia can help.

More! Now! Again!

I'm hoping to have a post up on SFist every day this week. You can find the latest (and yesterday's, and the day before's, and so on) here now!

Christmas Comes But Once a Year

Christmas Robot
Originally uploaded by Rain Rain Rain.

So please, take me to your leader.

I'm back from vacation. Having two days off work is a little less exciting knowing that a mere week from now I will be on permanent vacation. (OK. Hopefully not permanent. But at least for a month or so.)

The whole losing-my-job-thing has become a bit more acceptable to me now. Truth is, I had really been pretty miserable at my job for a while. And instead of up-an-quitting, as I had wanted to do for a while, I am now getting paid to leave, which is a pretty sweet deal when you think about it.

But I still can't help but worry about it just a little bit. Thankfully, I have just the answer to those worries: Lottery tickets! I mean, the more I buy, the more likely I am to win the big money, right?

Man. I'm so glad I have a PLAN.

Why?!

The first of five TV posts this week is now up on SFist.

Back to vacation for me!

Vacation Blogging

I'm on a short holiday in Monterey, enjoying another motel's free WiFi. So basically, I'm sitting in front of a big television, with my iBook on my lap, surfing the Net. Sure, that's what I'd be doing if I was at home, but in the morning, someone will come in and make my bed.

THAT'S vacation for ya.

We Don't Like Potatoes--We Like MEAT

If you're lucky enough to get BBC America in your cable line-up, be sure to catch the U.S. premiere of the Aardman Animation series Creature Comforts tonight at 8 p.m. Those of you who have seen the original Academy Award-winning short (and if you haven't do so RIGHT NOW, here) know the basic premise of the show: Interviews with everyday Brits are used as the dialogue in animated shorts featuring various animals. (My favorite character in the original film is the Brazilian lion.)

The original short will also air on BBC America, along with a Christmas special. I'm pleased as punch that I have this to look forward to tonight!

Edited to add: Well, at least I didn't plan my night around it. The BBC America site clearly says that the show premieres tonight, but according to TiVo, it's not on until Monday at 11am. What gives?

Sweet!

I just spent about an hour going through all the crap I've saved on my work computer over the past seven years, deleting a WHOLE lot of it. Man, that felt great.

I still have many photos, essays, and short movies that I definitely want to keep, not to mention all my music, and that's proving to be a bit of a dilemma. My computer doesn't have a CD burner, and I'm not about to resort to floppy discs. I guess I could buy an external drive, or even see if they'd be willing to sell me the damn computer--sans all the boring work stuff, of course. (The piece of junk is almost five years old, but still works better than the PC I have at home.)

Or I can just use YouTube and Flickr for the movies and photos, and email the essays to myself.

Which leaves me with all that music and how to deal with that. I mean, how can I exist without my illegally transferred copies of the theme to "The Love Boat" or "In the Navy"?!

Hmmm.

Thursday the New Thursday?

According to this release "My Name Is Earl" and "Scrubs" "The Office" will be moving to Thursday nights. Just where "Joey" and "The Apprentice" will end up (if they move at all) has yet to be determined.

The article also mentions the new series "Four Kings," and as much as I love Seth Green, the previews for the show are not funny. At all.

In other news, "Arrested Development" will be back on Monday. Watch it.

WATCH IT, I SAY!

Dad?

The papa problems continued with last night's episode of "Lost." I'm not the biggest fan of the Kate, but I did like how her crime fit into the whole "Island of Misfits with Daddy Issues" trend.

That said, I didn't buy all of it. For some reason, Kate just doesn't strike me as the white trash type. I think I'll have to rewatch the episode where she visits her mother in the hospital to see if that was implied there, though. I also hated the horse thing. HATED.

I was mighty pleased they actually showed us the spliced footage this episode, and didn't make us wait until January to see it. However, what it ended up being about didn't really shed any more light on the matter. We already got that they weren't supposed to use the computer for any other thing but entering the code, and the missing film certainly didn't explain what would happen if they did.

And I'm assuming that talking to the possible ghost or astral projection of your missing son is on the list of things not to use the computer for.

This Just In!

I'm unemployed.

Seriously.

So, if anyone knows of a job, please, do tell.

For now, I am going to walk away from this damn computer, and get some fresh air.

Slo-Mo = Boo-Hoo

Thanksgiving came inbetween me and a post about the latest episode of "Lost." But as far as I can remember, I liked it, and cried at the end, and then got totally pissed that I cried at the end, because they used such cliches to make me cry (reunions, slow motion, and sappy music) and I HATE it when cliched sentiment works on me, (which, incidentally, it usually does.)

On tonight's' episode, we supposedly learn more about "What Kate Did," which I'm guessing is more than shooting a guy to get to a toy airplane. And you better savor the episode, because if this site is correct, it'll be the last new episode until JANUARY 11TH!! I'm all for breaks from the slavery of primetime viewing, but that's a little severe. And what really pisses me off is its leaving doesn't give me the opening to watch any other show I've had to miss because of my "Lost" priorities. Martha's "Apprentice" airs at the same time, but I TiVo that the next day on CNBC already, (and getting to watch it a day earlier is no big score, believe me.)

I WILL however, be truly thankful when this boring-ass season of "The Amazing Race" finally ends, so that I can start watching "My Name Is Earl" or even "Commander-in-Chief" instead. (Of course I could have just stopped watching TAR when I realized it was going to suck, but that's a whole other matter...)

He's So CUUUUUUUUDE!

Don't forget, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" airs tonight on CBS at 8pm.

While "The Year Without a Santa Clause" is probably a little cooler than "Rudolph," (you just can't beat those Miser-numbers) I probably get the most enjoyment from "Rudolph." That probably has to do with the fact that is has aired every year of my life (give or take one or two years) and has therefore left a bigger impression.

Christmas season doesn't officially begin for me until I get to sit down and watch that deformed reindeer, his gay friend, and a bunch of "special" toys bow to the ultimate dictorial power of Santa Claus.

Hello Doom, Howareya?

Three more series have gotten the axe, and thankfully, I wasn't a fan of any of 'em. (I know this will be sacrilege to all Pamie-worshippers, but "Hot Properties" really, really sucked.)

Misery

Man, today sucked. I woke up with a horrible headache that did not get any better, codeine be damned. So, while I had planned on working (at home) through the pain, it just wasn't happening, so I had to just call in a sick day and rest my throbbing skull on the couch. Unfortunately, I couldn't just end the day there, because Monday nights I have class. And being that I had already missed one class this semester due to the flu, and I will be missing class next Monday because I will be out of town, I had to somehow ignore the pain, and get myself out of my apartment and off to campus.

In the pouring rain.

Without an umbrella.

But, that's fine, right? Because it was only two bus rides, and not much walking between bus stops.

Wrong. Wrong! The bus wait was 20 minutes for both, with little coverage from the downpour. And when I got to campus, I had to walk from one side of campus to the other to get to my class, and by that time it was really coming down. So I popped into the campus shop, dripping wet, to get an umbrella, but couldn't find one for less than 15 dollars!!! And it's not even that good!

So I got through class and thankfully, he let us out a little early. Alas, it wasn't smooth sailing on the way home. The MUNI car was having trouble with its doors, taking what seemed like an eternity to leave the station, only to dump everyone out at Van Ness to wait for another train. And then on the bus ride up the hill to my place, the driver and a passenger got into a pissing match over his transfer. It was 10pm, and his transfer said 9:30, but his argument was he waited for the bus for over 30 minutes--which I think is valid. But the driver wasn't going to move until he paid his fare. So there were many "fuck yous" from the passenger, groans from fellow travelers, and then finally some other dude just went up and put a buck fifty into the til and that was that.

So now I'm home, cold, head still hurting, and I choose to ramble about it all on the Internet.

Things are worse than I thought.

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas

This week's SFist post is now up. All that's missing is some snow.

It's Just a Shot Away

I've been watching the two New Orleans/Hurricane Katrina episodes of "Nova" and "Frontline" on PBS. I can't say I've been enjoying them since they just manage to get me all riled up, once again, over how the response to the disaster was handled (and we're talking about PBS programming here, so that's to be expected) but I have found them pretty fascinating viewing.

Watching them reminded me of some of my initial reactions to the whole thing, such as hearing reports of people getting raped and killed in the Superdome, and how that was just so unfathomable to me. Like, you're sitting in a stinky, cramped, boiling hot sports arena, hungry, tired, dirty, most likely with no home to return to, so what do you decide to do? Go rape somebody. The hell? And I also rememberd how, at the time, that whole thing just got a refrain from the Rolling Stones song "Gimme Shelter" stuck in my head: "Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away."

I'm sure it's been mentioned before, but if there is a theme song for Katrina 2005, it's definitely "Gimme Shelter." To wit:

Ooh, a storm is threatening my very life today
If I don't get some shelter, yeah, I'm gonna fade away.
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.

Ooh, see the fire is sweeping, our very streets today
Burns like a red coal carpet, mad bull lost its way.
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.

Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.

Mmmm, the flood is threatening, my very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter or I'm gonna fade away.
War, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away.
It's just a shot, away, a shot away, a shot away.

I tell ya, love, sister, it's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away, it's just a kiss away, kiss away, kiss away.

One other thing I learned about "Gimme Shelter": On this recent trip to Disneyland, I had to set the radio alarm clock one morning to the ungodly hour of 5:45am. When it went off, the opening guitar chords of "Gimme Shelter" were playing, followed by the "Oooo...oooo...oooo" chorus. And as Chuck can attest, there's probably no cooler song to be awakened by at 5:45 in the morning...

Turkey Blogging

8:55pm - Well, I think it was a success. It was probably a bit of overkill getting a 23 pound turkey for only eight people, but I firmly believe that Thanksgiving is more about the leftovers than it is the Thanksgiving meal. By the time we sat down to eat at around 4:00, and I piled the food on my plate, I was almost instantly stuffed. What's that about? I was also almost instantly sleepy, but there's no mystery with that one..

I can't wait until about midnight, when I start to get the munchies. THAT'S when I'm really going to enjoy me some Thanksgiving fixins.

12:20pm - You know, roasting a turkey is pretty freakin' boring. The only good part about having to baste it every 30 minutes is being able to eat some of the stuffing each time. Sure, it's probably rife with salmonella, but it's SOOO goooood.

Pretty soon potatoes and green bean casserole will have to be prepped, but until then, I'm going to watch some doggies on da TV.

10:30am - I'm pretty sure that's the face of Jesus, or perhaps it's just The Cybernetic Ghost Of Christmas Past From The Future.

8:45am - I'm snagging some WiFi from someone in my parents' building--score! If I had the energy, I'd post some photos of the turkey in progress, but right now I just don't. It's wrapped in a shroud like a turkey from Turin (as per Martha's cooking directions--cheesecloth soaked in butter and wine. Perhaps that's the shroud of Turin's secret?) and I am on basting duty, every half hour.

And it ain't even 9am yet. It's gonna be a long day.

Happy Thanksgiving!

In case I don't get around to doing some Live Turkey Cooking Blogging (which sounds like I'll be cooking a live turkey. I mean "live blogging" the whole cooking process, of course), I wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving!

And be sure to click around The Hunger Site! Your clicks DO help!

I Haven't Even Finished Eating All of My Halloween Candy

Thanksgiving is already upon us, and I was hoping we'd get an airing of "It's a Wonderful Life" tomorrow night, to start off the Christmas season with an appropriate bucketful of tears. Alas, we aren't so lucky. But at least you can sit down and watch "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" and witness a truly dysfunctional holiday gathering.

I Yam the Vinner

I yam alvays zee vinner.

Even though it looks like I am shooting INTO the buggy, I was in fact shooting at targets. A lot of targets. And I kicked Chuck's butt--AS THE SCORE CAN SHOW!

Ahhhh. Disneyland magic.

Disneyland Is 50! And I LOVE IT!

50!!
Originally uploaded by Rain Rain Rain.

I'm back from Disneyland, and have the aching back to prove it. I'm not sure how I hurt it, as I had avoided the more intense of the rides, but maybe "Snow White's Scary Adventure" was just too much for me.

Anyway, it was great fun nonetheless. I wish I was still there!

M-I-C You Real Soon!

I'm off to Disneyland tomorrow, so you probably won't be getting much from me until Tuesday. Unless the Disneyland Hotel is rockin some WiFi, in which case maybe I'll find some time to do some travel bloggin'.

Contain your enthusiasm!

Glass Eyes and Army Knives

I was awaiting last night's episode of "Lost" with a little trepidation. Adding more characters to the show was the last thing I thought it needed, but I have to say I did enjoy seeing how an alternative version of the plane crash went down. Things are a little harder when you don't have a doctor and half a plane-full of supplies to get you through 48 days on a deserted island.

I pondered why the Others seemed to target the Tailaways more than our beloved castaways, and I think it's because the others might be geographically closer. Also, the Tailaways weren't subjected to polar bears and giant jungle monsters, so perhaps that "security system" the original castaways were subjected to was, indeed, a system that helped to keep the Others away?

Hmmmm.

In other news, Michelle Rodriguez's teeth continue to freak me out.

Check Eeeet Out!

My friend Rachael has an interview up on SFist!

Read it! Read it now!

He's Got Big Plans

David Cross on what he hopes to do to try and save "Arrested Development": "What I'm trying to do now that I know the show is cancelled, and hopefully I can do this by next year, is to become the head of programming for one of the major studios. Short of that, I don'’t think we'll have any luck."

Read more.

Update: You can now get both seasons of "Arrested Development" at Amazon for 30 bucks. Buy up those DVDs! Send a message to Fox!...And then savor those discs when they cancel the show anyway.

Padding, Padding

If you plan on setting your VCR or TiVo for tonight's episode of "Lost," be sure to pad it. It's supposedly going to run four minutes over.

I HATE it when they do that.

Sympathy for the Devil

My Pa made a brief appearance on a news segment that KPIX aired last night concerning the Rolling Stones concert and all the whining babies who were complaining about the noise. You can watch it, for now, here. (Look for "Rolling Stones Concert Rocks San Francisco.")

My father isn't really whining, and is only in it for a second, but there you go.

Free At Last!

Programming note: There will be no "Amazing Race" tonight. Instead the Country Music Awards are going to be on. So you can either tune in to that and attempt, once again, to figure out what the hell Rene Zellweger was thinking, or you can watch "My Name is Earl," or "Commander in Chief" instead. (Oh, you KNOW you want to!)

My Ignorance Shows Through...AGAIN

Last year I attempted, once again, to read Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." I was enjoying it, and was impressed by the book's wit, but then for some reason, I just couldn't get through it. So I gave up and watched the Colin Firth miniseries instead, and I enjoyed it immensely. Which is part of the reason why I won't bother seeing the new version that came out last week.

But reading about some controversy over a kiss that ends the film has left me pondering how the book actually ends. With a handshake?

I Heard the Jury's Still Out on Science

This week's SFist post is now up, and it's more of the usual whining.

Snakes On a Plane, Man...Snakes on a Plane

It amuses me to no end that the ridiculous title of the (no doubt) ridiculous upcoming Samuel L. Jackson thriller has now entered the popular lexicon as a phrase of apathetic resignation, ala "Shit happens."

Example:

"Dude! 'Arrested Development' is totally getting cancelled!"

"Snakes on a plane, man...snakes on a plane."

It reminds me of a phrase my parents tried to popularize after once mishearing something someone said on a game show as "Well, you can't win a blouse."

Example:

"I applied for a job as a producer on 'Arrested Development,' but the show is totally getting cancelled!"

"Well...you can't win a blouse."

Still waiting for that catch phrase to take-off...Start using it today!

Fun and Failure Both Start Out the Same Way

Last time "Arrested Development" was threatened with cancellation, fans campaigned and sent banana baskets to the head honchos at Fox.

I'm not sure what approach fans should take this time, but flooding their offices with moles isn't such a bad idea...

Will I Ever Stop Crying?

According to this article, the cancellation of "Arrested Development" seems imminent. Fox has cut the season order, and is going to pull it off the air until December.

OK. Now I'm not crying. Now I'm FUMING.

I hope Save Our Bluths updates their site soon, and gets those campaigns aflowing if only to get another network interested in picking it up, because when have the asshats at Fox every done the right thing?

And In News Not At All Related to Television

(Unless you count the topic being mentioned during the live fake "West Wing" debate Sunday night.) It looks like oil drilling in the Arctic Refuge has hit a stumbling block.

How great is that!?

For Those Who Aren't Complete Nutcases Who Shove Six-Foot-Tall Christmas Trees Into Tiny, Tiny Apartments

Look what Urban Outfitters is selling!

Walt, You're Really Beginning to Piss Me Off

Last night's "Lost" wasn't the fake out I thought it would be, and I'm equal parts sad and unimpressed by that.

The minute I saw Sayid and Shannon walking in the same kind of tall grass the Tailaways had been walking through, I knew they were going to meet, and I knew it would probably be ugly. That one moment when "Cindy" disappeared made me think for a few minutes that, indeed, it was going to be a fake-out, and the castaway that would be "lost forever" was just going to be her.

Nope.

Since the whole Sayid-Shannon love affair did nothing but make me cringe, I can't say I was that upset to see it come to a decidedly definitive end. My only wish now is that Sayid go all medieval on Michelle Rodriguez's ass. Also, what the HELL is up with her teeth? Has she always had teeth that look like dentures? It's like she's got one continuous upper tooth. All the same size and length. All shiny.

As for Walt--he's gone from creepy to annoying. Dude. Enough with the spectral sneaking around, and the backwards talking. If all you've got to say is "They're coming and they're close," I don't think we need all the backwards-masking with it. Forwards or backwards, it's obviously not very helpful information...

The Most Exciting Thing to Happen on Wisteria Lane All Season

Actor Page Kennedy, also known as The-Dude-Chained-Up-in-the-Basement-on-"Desperate-Housewives," was fired from the show this week. According to Defamer, it's because he flashed a couple of crew members.

The hell??

I hope the previews for this week's episode, which show his character escaping, means the character will just disappear completely. That storyline was totally lame and going nowhere.

Darksided Alert!

I mistakenly reported that the "Trading Spouses" episode featuring the maniacal Marguerite Perrin had aired last week. In fact, it will air THIS Wednesday at 9.

Of course, that's the same time as a new episode of "Lost," and the devil himself couldn't tear me away from that...

As Long as I'm Already Late to the Party...

Here's another video clip everyone's already seen. A Mr. Gary Brolsma lip-syncing to a Romanian pop song.

Just like the "Star Wars" boy, this video has launched a thousand parodies, but for some reason, I just can't stop watching this version featuring an animated frog. I think it's even better than the original.

I DEMAND a Chance to Watch the Sea Monster Drama 'Surface'!

NBC and CBS will start to offer some of its shows "On Demand." The article doesn't say anything about its availability in San Francisco, however.

I've had digital cable for almost six months now, and I think I've used the actual cable box remote once. I haven't used any of cable's on-screen programming guides, and I don't even know if I HAVE "On-Demand."

Oh, TiVo.

Har-dee-har-har

This week's SFist post is now up, and it's all about the funny.

I Never Wanna Hear You Say

I know that when it comes to viral videos, the minute they hit the Web, they're old news.

But I still can't resist posting this one. And I can't resist watching it over.

And over.

And over.

Yeah. We All Ain't Ready. Not NEARLY Ready.

The sound sensation that's sweeping the nation--or at least a bunch of bored bloggers.

Kevin Federline's single!

Gorilla My Dreams

Man. Change it to monkeys and you'd have my new favorite show.

Battle of the Fierce

Those missing the presence of Janice Dickinson on "America's Next Top Model" need not worry. She's gonna have her OWN reality show about models, and casting is this Saturday in Hollywood.

Too bad it's gonna be on Oxygen, a channel I don't seem to have. If it were on a real network it would be fun to see if Janice could come close to Tyra in the ratings. But now she doesn't even have a chance. Poor Janice.

More Darksided Stuff

Yesterday I posted that clip from "Trading Spouses" with the woman...uh...calmly discussing her Christian beliefs. Hopefully you caught the complete episode last night--I know I didn't. Doh!

More here.

Your Mom Talks Funny!...WE GET IT!

Fox is developing a sitcom for Margaret Cho featuring a character based on her mother.

Because that part of her stand-up routine isn't tired at ALL.

You Don't Know Mouthware?

How come whenever I read anything about Supperclub, a restaurant that recently opened in San Francisco, all I can think about is that "Nuni and Nuni" sketch on Saturday Night Live?

Gargoyles! PSYCHICS!

My friend Rob sent me a link to this clip from "Trading Spouses." And it's awesome. Some might even say it's darksided stuff.

Somebody Call a Waaambulance!

Diane Wurts complains about reruns. In past years, I too hated it when networks would start to air reruns a mere few weeks into the new season. But now that I watch so much damned TV, I actually welcome these breaks. Seriously, if I had to watch the amount of TV I do consistently for four months without any breaks, I'd become even more of a shut-in than I already am.

I appreciate that many cable networks eschew the rerun trend in favor of having shows run straight through (although maybe if they didn't do that we wouldn't have to wait 17 years between seasons of "The Sopranos"), but when it comes to the networks? I'll take all the breaks I can get.

Which reminds me: "Lost" is a rerun tonight. AND I DON'T MIND!

Hey! I Thought This Was a Blog About TV!

Not your thinly disguised jealousy of all women!

Fine.

''Over There'' has been cancelled. I watched about five or six episodes and quickly grew tired of it. I'm not a fan of war movies or war shows in general, so I wasn't the ideal audience, but the big thing that bugged me about the show was it never seemed to have the guts to have an opinion about the war. Its constant need to have it both ways was quite frustrating.

And let the "Lost" novel tie-ins begin! I was trying to remember if I ever read any TV book tie-ins, and all I could come up with is one "X-Files" novel I once got as kind of a gag Christmas gift. I also read three "Star Wars" books, but I guess that doesn't really count...I never delved into the "Buffy" books. I wonder if my intense love for "Lost" will compell me to check this one out? And I wonder if the same will hold true for the "Arrested Development" tie-in that's coming out?

Lunch

So, I needed to go to the bank at lunch today, which meant walking about three blocks away, past the ballpark. After hitting the bank, I remember that there's a Specialty's hidden in the China Basin building behind the bank. I haven't been to a Specialty's in a while, but I remember loving this one sandwich they had that was made with melted cheese and fake crab. Sounds disgusting, but it was really scrum. When I got to the place I remembered that they'd changed ownership or something, and the entire menu has changed, and they no longer have that sandwich. So I perused the menu, decided on something else, and got in line.

They had two lines going. I was in one with one person in front of me, and the other line had about four. When my cashier called, "Next!" a tall, obnoxious blonde woman talking on a cell phone AND listening to an iPod left the other line and cut in front of me.

Fine. It was just one person. I could wait. So she gives her order and pays. Then I give my order (smoked pork sandwich, no onions), pay, and go stand with the rest of the boobs as we wait for our name to be called so we can pick up our sandwich.

It's not the best system. The people announcing the sandwiches have a tendency to mumble and not get your name right, so there's a lot of going over and comparing receipts and realizing yours hasn't been called yet. And it doesn't help when the cashier spells your name wrong. ("Rein"? COME ON!) So, after waiting about five minutes, the sandwich maker calls out two names and two sandwiches, none of which is intelligible, and before I can go over and check the receipts, Obnoxious Blonde shoves through, grabs one, and walks out. I look at the remaining sandwich, which is a tuna for "Serena," and continue to wait.

And wait. And wait. And wait. About 15 minutes pass, and I am now the only person waiting for a sandwich, while Serena's sad tuna sits unclaimed. It becomes apparent that someone has made-off with my pork, as it were, and just as I am about to approach the counter, Obnoxious Blonde storms in proclaiming that she got the wrong sandwich. Hers was tuna.

So Serena Tuna forks over her sandwich, grabs her tuna, apologizes--to the sandwich girl!--and stomps out. And I look at the sandwich girl, say "Uh. That's mine." She shakes her head and says, "Yeah."

So they make me another one (to their credit they didn't just repackage Obnoxious Blonde's return) and I head out to eat during the five minutes I now have left in my lunch hour.

Only to discover my sandwich is covered in onions. WAAAH-waah.

Sluts

It's a well-known fact that for many young ladies, Halloween is an excuse to dress sexy. Gals don't just want to be a cat, they want to be a sexy cat. They can't just be Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz," they have to be a sexy Dorothy. It's not just a vampire, it's a sexy vampire. Fine. I've grown to accept this. But last night I was overwhelmed by the number of chicks I saw who were just dressed...slutty. Not even an attempt at a costume. Just tight mini-skirts, fishnets, something low-cut, and high heels. (And no. I wasn't anywhere near the Tenderloin.) Now, unless all those women chose to dress as "whores" for Halloween, it seems they were just being plain lazy. (And as an aside, let me add that I did indeed once dress up as a hooker for Halloween. When I was in GRADE school. No comment.)

I would say the majority of the costumes I saw last night were just scantily-clad girls which, if you're a horny guy, is great fun. But if you're a tired and bitter 30-something gal, it's tiring. So I didn't even bother to get near the Castro, and thus avoided seeing costumes that were at least creative but also just...wrong.

Lucille the Loose Seal

Just a reminder that "Arrested Development" returns next Monday at 8.

I also want to remind you that they never caught the seal that bit off Buster's hand, so be careful out there.

I'm Not Sure Who They Are or What They Do

But for some reason this site has decided to list Musty TV as a "Top Ten Source" for television.

Truly, I am honored. And confused.

I Don't Know If This Qualifies as a Trick

But this week's SFist post is now up. And it's frightfully short!

Happy Horrorween!

As you can tell by the photo , my friend Dave is a master when it comes to creative pumpkin carving. Be sure to check out his gallery at Phrenopolis: The Pumpkin House of Horrors.

Consider that your treat for the day. We'll see if I can come up with any tricks later on...

"How is it that this is the third 'I Love the '80s' and we're only now talking about Tweaky?"

Yeah. I got sucked into the latest "I Love the 80s," this time in 3-D! Which, by the way, doesn't work. Ever wonder why there aren't more 3-D shows on TV? That's because 3-D doesn't WORK on TV. But you can continue to stare at the show while wearing stupid glasses and pretend it's cool all you want, because I'm putting MY stupid glasses away.

Anyhoo, on the 1980 episode, they talked about "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" and I realized I have no memory of ever watching the show...When I was a kid I had a very snobby attitude towards anything called "science fiction," because in my mind everything was just a lame rip-off of "Star Wars." So I didn't watch "Buck Rogers" or "Battlestar Galactica" or go to see any sci-movies that weren't "Star Wars" related. But seeing clips of the incredibly cheesy "Buck Rogers" kind of makes me wish I had. Luckily, the Sci-Fi Channel airs re-runs, so I've set the TiVo accordingly.

But something tells me watching an entire hour long episode, not to mention episode after episode, isn't going to be nearly as entertaining as watching a minute of clips on a lame "I Love the 80s" show...

Stoked

I know that most of the directors featured in Showtime's "Masters of Horror" series have long since hit their prime, but I'm excited about it nonetheless. And hopefully the one-hour format will help them keep it lean-and-mean, as it were.

Tonight's episode is by Don Coscarelli, the director of "Phantasm."

And in "No Duh" News...

George Takei is totally gay.

Hello Siegfried!

This article is equal parts sad and hilarious.

OK...mainly it's just sad. But that photo is pretty hilarious!

Lookie!

jolene and henry
Originally uploaded by Jess Hutch.

Look at those guys! Aren't they the cutest? Don't you just want one of your own? Wouldn't you just love to MAKE one of your own?

My friend Jessica has written and published a small book of patterns for knitted toys, and it's the coolest. You can check it out and order one here.

Do it! Do it today!

Or maybe wait a week, because she's got a LOT of orders to fill right now.

Another Reason I Love TiVo

MY parents were complaining just last week about how many commercials seem to run during "Lost," and that sometimes the commercial breaks run longer than a segment of the show. This article explains that, technically, there aren't more commercials, but the spacing of the commercial breaks has changed. Another brilliant idea from a network head.

In related news, NBC continues to run shows one minute over, or start them one minute earlier, something they promised they'd stop doing. Man, I hate that. It is so clearly a big F---- You to DVR users.

The Dreaded Return of...Bleh

I can't even say his name! (OK. I'll say it once, but after that he will only be referred to as Bleh.) After watching tonight's episode of "Gilmore Girls" they showed a preview of things to come, and yes. Jess will be back.

I hate Bleh. My hatred of Bleh has grown so much that I can't help but hate the actor, too. Of course the fact that he seems to play the same character no matter what he's in doesn't help.

So he's going to come back and talk smack to Rory about her living with her grandparents and her dating a rich boy, and yeah, totally, she needs to be called out on those things. But seriously. Bleh? He is SO not the poster boy for smart decisions.

Of course making Rory feel bad about herself was what he did best when they were dating, so that shouldn't come as a surprise. I just hate the idea of him coming to town, talking his crap, beating her down emotionally, and THAT being the thing that makes her wake-the-hell up. There's just something so wrong about that.

Pardon the obsession here, but I think it has something to do with the fact that I just ate half a pint of rum raisin ice cream. I haven't had rum raisin ice cream since I was a kid--which in itself is strange because what kind of kid likes rum raisin ice cream?--and it was sooooo good, and the taste immediately sent me back to my childhood, so it was an emotional bit of binging that has had the unfortunate side effect of...pure mania, apparently.

OK...I need to go and Photoshop a picture of Bleh now.

I'm Not Looking at Porn. This is RESEARCH!

My boy Vince is acting all wacky again, this time during a seminar about sexual harassment.

Methinks he doth protest too much...

I Know the Sign Language Sign for "Creepy."

This week's SFist post is up.

And it's creepy!

It Made Me Cranky, Too

But it made me cranky years ago, dude. This article talks about how in one "Sex and the City" episode, the name of "John F. Kennedy Jr." was removed and replaced with "Leonardo DiCaprio" after Kennedy's tragic death. It made me cranky too, but mainly because replacing the name kind of killed the joke in the context of the show. (Kennedy is seen as a glowing specter of New York society that helps Samantha regain her status after being shunned by the New York elite, which I can kind of buy. Leo? Not so much.)

The thing is, that happened many years ago when that season was released on DVD. They're re-releasing the entire series as a box set now, and that version of the show is the one in the box set. Yeah? So? Why wasn't he squawking about it back then?

Plus, the omission of this one little reference isn't nearly as egregious as some of these DVD TV show releases that can't manage to get the rights to the music used in the original airings and instead replace the tracks with awful, generic crap. Yeah. I'm looking at YOU "Wiseguy" and "Crime Story"!!!

Which leads me to another thing. A few weeks ago I re-watched the film "Over the Edge." It's finally been released on DVD and I was as pleased as punch. The juvenile delinquent movie came out in 1979 and its soundtrack is an awesome mix of disco, hard rock, and punk. Van Halen is in there, as well as the Ramones. However, I noticed that one moment in the movie was cut out. In it, the teen hero, Carl (such NOT a hero's name!) is pissed off and in his room when he puts on his headphones and cranks up Boston's "More Than a Feeling." It's a really brief moment in the movie, but I remember it well because it was the first time I heard that song. For some reason--I imagine because of song rights--that moment is gone from the movie. And you can call me an anal, nitpicking freakcase, but the movie just wasn't the same without it.