Gorilla My Dreams

Man. Change it to monkeys and you'd have my new favorite show.

Battle of the Fierce

Those missing the presence of Janice Dickinson on "America's Next Top Model" need not worry. She's gonna have her OWN reality show about models, and casting is this Saturday in Hollywood.

Too bad it's gonna be on Oxygen, a channel I don't seem to have. If it were on a real network it would be fun to see if Janice could come close to Tyra in the ratings. But now she doesn't even have a chance. Poor Janice.

More Darksided Stuff

Yesterday I posted that clip from "Trading Spouses" with the woman...uh...calmly discussing her Christian beliefs. Hopefully you caught the complete episode last night--I know I didn't. Doh!

More here.

Your Mom Talks Funny!...WE GET IT!

Fox is developing a sitcom for Margaret Cho featuring a character based on her mother.

Because that part of her stand-up routine isn't tired at ALL.

You Don't Know Mouthware?

How come whenever I read anything about Supperclub, a restaurant that recently opened in San Francisco, all I can think about is that "Nuni and Nuni" sketch on Saturday Night Live?

Gargoyles! PSYCHICS!

My friend Rob sent me a link to this clip from "Trading Spouses." And it's awesome. Some might even say it's darksided stuff.

Somebody Call a Waaambulance!

Diane Wurts complains about reruns. In past years, I too hated it when networks would start to air reruns a mere few weeks into the new season. But now that I watch so much damned TV, I actually welcome these breaks. Seriously, if I had to watch the amount of TV I do consistently for four months without any breaks, I'd become even more of a shut-in than I already am.

I appreciate that many cable networks eschew the rerun trend in favor of having shows run straight through (although maybe if they didn't do that we wouldn't have to wait 17 years between seasons of "The Sopranos"), but when it comes to the networks? I'll take all the breaks I can get.

Which reminds me: "Lost" is a rerun tonight. AND I DON'T MIND!

Hey! I Thought This Was a Blog About TV!

Not your thinly disguised jealousy of all women!

Fine.

''Over There'' has been cancelled. I watched about five or six episodes and quickly grew tired of it. I'm not a fan of war movies or war shows in general, so I wasn't the ideal audience, but the big thing that bugged me about the show was it never seemed to have the guts to have an opinion about the war. Its constant need to have it both ways was quite frustrating.

And let the "Lost" novel tie-ins begin! I was trying to remember if I ever read any TV book tie-ins, and all I could come up with is one "X-Files" novel I once got as kind of a gag Christmas gift. I also read three "Star Wars" books, but I guess that doesn't really count...I never delved into the "Buffy" books. I wonder if my intense love for "Lost" will compell me to check this one out? And I wonder if the same will hold true for the "Arrested Development" tie-in that's coming out?

Lunch

So, I needed to go to the bank at lunch today, which meant walking about three blocks away, past the ballpark. After hitting the bank, I remember that there's a Specialty's hidden in the China Basin building behind the bank. I haven't been to a Specialty's in a while, but I remember loving this one sandwich they had that was made with melted cheese and fake crab. Sounds disgusting, but it was really scrum. When I got to the place I remembered that they'd changed ownership or something, and the entire menu has changed, and they no longer have that sandwich. So I perused the menu, decided on something else, and got in line.

They had two lines going. I was in one with one person in front of me, and the other line had about four. When my cashier called, "Next!" a tall, obnoxious blonde woman talking on a cell phone AND listening to an iPod left the other line and cut in front of me.

Fine. It was just one person. I could wait. So she gives her order and pays. Then I give my order (smoked pork sandwich, no onions), pay, and go stand with the rest of the boobs as we wait for our name to be called so we can pick up our sandwich.

It's not the best system. The people announcing the sandwiches have a tendency to mumble and not get your name right, so there's a lot of going over and comparing receipts and realizing yours hasn't been called yet. And it doesn't help when the cashier spells your name wrong. ("Rein"? COME ON!) So, after waiting about five minutes, the sandwich maker calls out two names and two sandwiches, none of which is intelligible, and before I can go over and check the receipts, Obnoxious Blonde shoves through, grabs one, and walks out. I look at the remaining sandwich, which is a tuna for "Serena," and continue to wait.

And wait. And wait. And wait. About 15 minutes pass, and I am now the only person waiting for a sandwich, while Serena's sad tuna sits unclaimed. It becomes apparent that someone has made-off with my pork, as it were, and just as I am about to approach the counter, Obnoxious Blonde storms in proclaiming that she got the wrong sandwich. Hers was tuna.

So Serena Tuna forks over her sandwich, grabs her tuna, apologizes--to the sandwich girl!--and stomps out. And I look at the sandwich girl, say "Uh. That's mine." She shakes her head and says, "Yeah."

So they make me another one (to their credit they didn't just repackage Obnoxious Blonde's return) and I head out to eat during the five minutes I now have left in my lunch hour.

Only to discover my sandwich is covered in onions. WAAAH-waah.

Sluts

It's a well-known fact that for many young ladies, Halloween is an excuse to dress sexy. Gals don't just want to be a cat, they want to be a sexy cat. They can't just be Dorothy from the "Wizard of Oz," they have to be a sexy Dorothy. It's not just a vampire, it's a sexy vampire. Fine. I've grown to accept this. But last night I was overwhelmed by the number of chicks I saw who were just dressed...slutty. Not even an attempt at a costume. Just tight mini-skirts, fishnets, something low-cut, and high heels. (And no. I wasn't anywhere near the Tenderloin.) Now, unless all those women chose to dress as "whores" for Halloween, it seems they were just being plain lazy. (And as an aside, let me add that I did indeed once dress up as a hooker for Halloween. When I was in GRADE school. No comment.)

I would say the majority of the costumes I saw last night were just scantily-clad girls which, if you're a horny guy, is great fun. But if you're a tired and bitter 30-something gal, it's tiring. So I didn't even bother to get near the Castro, and thus avoided seeing costumes that were at least creative but also just...wrong.