It's Dutch, So You Know It's Spooky...

Figured I had to post something for Halloween, so here's something you've probably all seen before. Compare the photos, and listen for clues!

Yeah, It Was Embarrassing, But at Least "60 Minutes" Wasn't There Catching It All on Tape....What's That?...Uh-oh

Indeed, 60 Minutes WAS there last Saturday, and they caught Ashlee's backstage embarrassment, and the reaction of the "Saturday Night Live" crew, on tape. Seems they were coincidentally at the show that week doing a piece about the long-running series. Lucky for them--and for us! The piece airs this Sunday at 7:00pm.

Nice Wolf Abs, Jackman!

I watched Van Helsing the other night on DVD and wow. That was one of the worst things I have ever seen. I pretty much knew that would be the case, which is why I avoided it in the theaters. But I figured I'd Netflix it and make sure. My mistake.

It had some much going for it what with Dracula, Frankenstein AND werewolves. Not to mention a cameo by Mr. Hyde. But every scene just fell flat. Richard Roxburgh's attempts to bring campy humor to his Dracula portrayal were painful, and even Kate Beckinsale's boobs couldn't distract from her awful "Transylvanian" accent. What's worse is it wasn't even entertainingly bad. It's over two hours long, and feels more like three. And Hugh Jackman doesn't take his shirt off near soon enough.

A much better, and scarier, movie watching experience was "A Ma Soeur" (Fat Girl in the U.S.) It's directed by Catherine Breillat, (whose recently released Sex is Comedy is basically about the making of "Fat Girl") a director who's no stranger to controversy. (Which explains why a couple of moments in the film include a glimpse of a naked man at...full attention.) I have to say I have never been so shocked and startled by a movie than I was while watching this one. It took me about ten minutes to recover. And by saying that I've probably ruined the movie for you.

Ah, so what. You know that even after all that you're still going to rent "Van Helsing."

You Caw Heem GRANPA Jones!

Harrison Ford is 62 years old. And he wants to play Indiana Jones again. That's really great. No, really. Just be sure to pair him up with an appropriately aged love interest too, OK? That is if you can find an over 55-year old actress that is even allowed to act in big-budget features these days.

No. I'm not bitter at all. Really. But I was kind of hoping this whole "Indiana Jones 4" thing had finally died. Apparently, it hasn't.

I shudder to think what things Lucas was opposed to in the Frank Darabont screenplay. Perhaps it was the fact that the entire film took place in a 1950s penitentiary? Or was it the whole Indiana Jones shoots first thing?

Um, Did I Mention I Love Lost?

'Cause I do. And there's another episode on tonight. I'm giddy with excitement.

Here's a good article about how Lost fits into the genre of "mythology" shows like Buffy and The X-Files.

Like the above shows, I don't doubt that "Lost" will eventually disappoint me. In fact, I'm kind of surprised that hasn't already happened. But so far each episode has managed to surprise me, manipulate me (but in a good way) make me tear up (just a little!) and make me laugh (which is the most surprising thing of all.) The show has also made me realize how much I missed watching shows like "Buffy" or "The X-Files." Let's face it, one thing you will never get out of reality TV is the sudden appearance of a hole that leads to Hell, alien abductions, or monsters (insert Donald Trump joke here.) Pair that with some characters that are actually pretty nuanced and you've got some great TV right there, let me tell you what.

Maybe He's On the Show Because Marilyn Monroe Once Played a Character Named Lorelei

Or maybe he's just on it because it's a great show. In any case, Norman Mailer will be on tonight's episode of Gilmore Girls. I think that's the only stunt casting the show is guilty of so far (aside from the recurring appearance of Sebastian Bach as the oldest member of a local teen rock band.) If for some reason an appearance by Norman Mailer is enough to get you to start watching Gilmore Girls, then good. It's about damn time.

Also, Her Shoe Was Untied. And the Sun Was In Her Eyes.

By now everyone has heard about Ashlee-gate. She was lip synching. What a shocker. And now she's blaming it on her drummer, acid reflux disease, and her voice going out. However, the real scandal is that viewers on the West coast didn't get to see the full effect of the screw-up. We didn't get to hear those vocals start up while her mic was at her side. Instead we just heard the band, we saw her bop around, and then slink off stage, which made it look like yeah, the band started to play the wrong song and she didn't know what to do. Thankfully, clips of the actual event are available online. But I curse NBC for not allowing me to keep that moment forever available on my TiVo. I CURSE YOU!

OK....NOW I'm Going!

Just had to post that Amy Sedaris is going to be on Letterman tonight. The show will also feature this year's Halloween costumes, which is always fun. Cheeeeck it out!

Disneyland!

The Red Sox Have Won the Pennant!

I'm going to Disneyland!

Seriously. I am. So I won't be posting for a few days. Try not to think about me eating churros and flirting with Goofy while you're slaving at your desks, OK? The weekend will come soon enough...Of course then there's Monday, another day I won't be toiling away. Unlike you. But don't think about that! I'll be back and miserable like the rest of you soon enough.

Great. Now I'm depressed.

Hey! I know a cure for that!

Lost in Love

Last night was another episode of Lost, and I just have to say, again, that I love this show. I love it so much that I just want to cry like Holly Hunter does after she gets the baby in Raising Arizona. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

I love it so much that after I watch an episode on TiVo, I go back and watch it again and record it onto TAPE so that I can keep the whole series forever. THAT'S how much I love it. In fact, I have not gotten such full enjoyment since Buffy at its best, and that's saying something.

So for those who have not been watching, I don't know what to say. Except that I have the entire season thus far on tape, and you're welcome to borrow it. And also, ABC will be re-running the latest two episodes this Saturday at 8:00pm. Do yourself a favor. Watch some good TV for a change.

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's...Brandon Routh?!

Looks like an unknown actor has indeed been cast as Superman.

I wish I could be excited by any of this, but I just can't be. I think I've had my fill of superhero movies. Can Hollywood start adapting Chick Comics into movies instead? 'Cause I'm bored now.

Oh My God. She's Posting About Sports. She's Insane!

I know, I know. Sports? BASEBALL? Are you kidding me?

It won't become a habit. I promise. It's just that I was at a bar last night, and the Yankees-Red Sox game was on, and I can't help but get sucked into the rivalry. I'm sick of the Yankees. They need to lose. And after witnessing this bit of ridiculousness I want them to lose EVEN MORE.

So tonight's game is it. I want the Yankees to lose so bad I can't even tell you. I want them to lose so much that I won't even be able to watch the game. It's just too nerve-wracking. Wake me when it's over.

Ex-LAX

I've erased another season pass from my Tivo. I feel so free. The sorry series was LAX, and I admit to getting sucked into it because it comes on after the very guilty pleasure that is Las Vegas. I was hoping it would offer the same mindless fun, but alas, I think the appeal of "Las Vegas" comes from my love of...Las Vegas. I do not have a similar fondness for the Los Angeles Airport. And while I have appreciated Heather Locklear in the past, and have been awed by her seeming inability to age, I have to admit even she couldn't save the series.

And she's had some serious Botox work. Nothing too awesome about that.

What's All the Hubbub, Bub?

For some reason, people can't seem to stop talking about Jon Stewart's weekend appearance on "Crossfire." (You can watch it here.)

I'm really not sure why it's garnering so much media attention. Is it that shocking that Jon Stewart would call Tucker Carlson a dick? C'mon people! Get over it!

A Letter of Troof

Britney Spears has posted her long-awaited "letter of truth" on her Web site . Shockingly, she's planning to stay out of the spotlight and start a family. (Uh. Didn't she get an insto-family by marrying that baby daddy?)

Man. I was just getting into the white trash fiasco that is her life. She can't go away now!

You Too!

Brian Regan is set to appear on Letterman tonight. I happen to think he's a laugh riot. Of course he'll probably bomb tonight and then you'll think I'm a moron. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

I Have a Colt...

I'm a little horse.

Har har har. But seriously, yes, I have been struck down by a cold, and just could not bring myself to blog yesterday. (Although "blog" does sound like something you'd have to do when you have a cold. "Hold on a second! I'm gonna blog!")

However, this news did not pass me by. I'll be honest. I don't think the Academy Awards is the right gig for Chris Rock. Don't get me wrong, I think he's hilarious. But not so much when he's got to perform with a five-second delay, and when the crowd is filled with the uptight Hollywood "elite." I've seen him host the MTV Awards, and even then he kind of seemed like he was wearing a straight-jacket.

I think my favorite host of the past decade or so has been Steve Martin. (Next to David Letterman's one-time stint. Sue me. I thought he was hilarious.)

Marrriage Is a Sacred Thing!

It must be protected and should only occur between a man and a woman!

Oh please. Can we just stop pretending?

They Really WERE Setting Themselves on Fire!

Yeah, yeah. I know. That "Arrested Development" marathon I was trumpeting didn't happen last Saturday, and instead F/X aired a "Fear Factor" marathon. Well. Rumor has it it's gonna happen this Saturday.Unless F/X suddenly decides to air a marathon of Married By America instead.

OK. I Totally Lied.

I still love reality TV. "The Bachelor" is the only show I've really quit, and in reality (punny!) I do keep adding more to my TiVo, seemingly every week. My latest addition is Endurance: Hawaii. While the contestants on "Survivor" sometimes act like children, the contestants on "Endurance" actually ARE children. It's basically "Survivor" for the preteen set, and it's awesome. So far my favorite player has got to be 15-year-old Monroe. I could beat around the bush and talk about his ear-shattering screaming, or his utter distaste for all the girls and their crushes on all the cute boys, or his inability to catch a ball to save his life, but instead I'll just come out and say it. He's totally gay. And he's AWESOME.

Watch it. It's only a half hour long and it's on NBC Saturday mornings at 9:30.

In the End, Aren't We All Losers?

I have been pretty successful in curbing my addiction to reality TV. The Bachelor has been banished from my TiVo Season Pass list, and I hardly pay attention to Survivor since the guy team continues to vote off all the hotties. But I'm finding it hard to resist NBC's latest foray into the genre: Fatties Fighting to Get Fit, also known as The Biggest Loser. Such a simple premise, it makes you slap your head and say: "Why didn't I think of that?....Mmmmmm....Fattening."

Ever Pick Your Feet in Poughkeepsie?

Frankly, I don't think we need one more friggin' police drama on TV, much less one based on The French Connection and NOT starring Gene Hackman. And that just reminds me how great it WOULD be if there were a TV series starring Gene Hackman. Although the fact that nary a week goes by without a Hackman movie airing on some channel almost fulfills that desire...

"Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire."

Starting Saturday at noon, F/X will be running eight hours of Arrested Development. If you missed it last season, I highly recommend checking it out, as it was the funniest sitcom to hit the airwaves in many a year.

I really hope they air the episode where Buster freaks out because there's a bird in the house and it walked on his pillow. Good times.

Trump or Monkey?

Donald Trump is going to be on "Letterman" tonight, and yes, he will be playing a round of "Trump or Monkey." For those who can't stay up that late to watch it, there's a clip over on the Late Show site right now!

"Freaks and Geeks" Fans Alert!

life as we know it premieres tonight on ABC. Gabe Sachs and Jeff Judah, who were producers and writers on the second-best show about high school life ever made (that would be Freaks and Geeks. My So Called Life is still #1 in my Trapper Keeper) are behind the series, which is being trumped as "MSCL" for guys. Which probably means they'll talk a lot about getting laid. Also, Kelly Osbourne is on the show and I do not know if that is a good thing. Anyhoo, if you're willing to skip "CSI" and put-off viewing "The Apprentice" until Saturday's rerun, you can catch this premiere tonight at 9:00.

Glossy Imperfection

The much-hyped Desperate Housewives premiered this Sunday, and I was....underwhelemd. I liked it, but I didn't love it. The hype may have played a part in my high expectations, but I think my dissapointment really came from my expecting it to be different. Instead, it was very familiar. I've seen this satire of suburban life in Blue Velvet (where it was done excellently) and American Beauty (where it was done horribly) so I was hoping the show would bring a bit more to the table. Instead we've got the requisite Stepford Wife, the Husband With a Secret, the Neighborhood Nympho, and the Voice From Beyond the Grave. Which is all fine and good. Entertaining, in fact. But it's forced feeling of camp takes it out of that "guilty pleasure" zone (in my mind, that moniker is reserved for entertainment that wishes so very badly to be taken seriously, but simply cannot be) and into the realm of "Hey!! Over here! Look how wacky we are!!"

Which isn't to say I won't tune in next week. And if you've missed it and are curious, it will be repeated this Saturday at 10:00pm on ABC.

Interestingly, the actress orginally cast to play the Dead Housewife was none other than Laura Palmer herself, Sheryl Lee. Her part was eventually recast, and this article explains why.

Beaver's Monkey

I've got "monkey" as one of my TiVo Wishlists because I am indifferent to monkeys. No, it's of course because I love monkeys. As a result, yesterday TiVo recorded an episode of Leave it to Beaver in which the Beaver gets a monkey as a pet. God bless TiVo.

In actuality the monkey he gets is a little more frightening than funny, but what is even more frightening is how nonchalant Ward seems to be about the Beaver getting a 20 pound monkey as a pet. Was this a 1950s fad I didn't know about? Along with those baby alligators that were then flushed down the toilet and later grew up to be man eaters that lived in the sewers, were people getting monkeys as pets for their kids? If so, the 1950s was an even radder decade than I had previously thought.

She Had a Profound Effect on America's Bathing Habits

Janet Leigh has died. She was quite a spunky broad.

As a tribute, why not edit your own version of her classic shower scene?

Here's What She Brought to Weekend Update: Hypoglycemia and ONE Leg. Jealous?

I was happy to see Amy Poehler at the Update Desk with Tina Fey in the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live." Let's hope she doesn't get a swelled head and start making bad movies with Queen Latifah.

"All Photographs Are Accurate. None of Them Is the Truth"

Richard Avedon has died. He was one of my favorite photographers (I know, how friggin' original of me) and I sure wish I owned one of his prints because that puppy would be worth BANK right now.

No. Seriously. I am sad to hear of his passing. In memorium, here is my favorite Avedon photo.

I Was Going to Title This Post "Hot Pussy," But That Would Have Been Gross

In an effort to get my cat a date, I've added her profile to Catster.

I hope it works!

HA ha!

My hatred for all the female contestants on this season of "The Apprentice" grows with every episode. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the sisterhood. But these women just suck! So it was with much delight that I learned of Jen C.'s getting fired from her real job this week. She states that she doesn't know what she's gonna do now. And all I can think is "Why? Hasn't Playboy called yet?"