Sunday Sunday Sunday

Yes, the Fall TV premieres keep on coming. Read more about it on SFist now!

August Round-Up

Oy. I've had way too much to do these past few weeks to even think of a round-up, but I want to get this up before the month of September is over and ANOTHER round-up is due, so here goes.

Movies Seen: Fourteen, with one in a theater, that one being "The Simpsons Movie," which I loved. (Spider Pig!) Of the rented movies I saw, I think "The Lookout" was probably my favorite of the batch.

Books Read: Four. "Heart Like Water," which was about Katrina and its aftermath as seen through the eyes of French Quarter writer who chose to stick it out through the whole thing, was probably the best book I read. "God Is Not Great" by Christopher Hitchens was also good, and while I agree wth almost everything he had to say in the book, I still think he's a hugely arrogant prick. The biggest disappointment was Miranda July's "Nobody Belongs Here More Than You," her first collection of short stories. I thought they were all filled with a forced quirkiness that bugged me to to no end.

Fancy Dinners Out: Two. One was another night at the Nob Hill Cafe for some Italian food and twins stalking, although we weren't close enough this time to hear what they talked about. The other was at Garcon on Valencia, and it was pretty good French bistro fare. I had a salad that came with a poached egg and sherry vinegar glazed pancetta that was quite good, but I burned the hell out of my arm on a hot dish of tagliatelle gratin. It would have been nice if they'd warned me about that!

Live Shows Seen: One, which I already wrote about here.

Shoes Bought: None!

Moonlighting

Today's guide to tonight's Fall TV premieres is now up on SFist.

TGIF! I am so ready for things to calm the f down, that's for sure.

Ass Whole Foods

I haven't been to Whole Foods in almost a year even though there's one within blocks of my apartment. For some reason, the fact that it is on the other side of Van Ness, and up a slight hill makes it feel like it's miles away. It's too far to lug groceries home from, and so close that renting a Zipcar to go there just seems silly. So I thought that was the reason I never seem to go there. Turns out that's not it. It's the assholes that shop there that will forever keep me away.

The whole store seemed to be teeming with people who just don't understand the concept of a grocery store. They were all in their own little Bluetooth-eared bubbles, or barely watching their kids run around the fruit bins, totally oblivious to those around them. Why not wait until you're outside of the store, and not standing in the middle of its doorway, before you decide to examine your receipt? How hard is it to notice that the short aisle you are about to walk down is packed with two carts and two other people and therefore difficult to maneuver through? Why not CHOOSE ANOTHER AISLE? How about watching where you're walking so that you don't ram your cart into the legs of the person in front of you? And how about not leaving your cart in the middle of the narrow but main aisle of the store just so you can go stare at some cheese?

What the hell? It's never that bad in Safeway. Is it the combination of the relatively small size of the store paired with people thinking that since they're are going to be spending so much money they can act as jerky as they please? I just don't get it. It was rampant in every aisle in the place.

And don't even get me started on the check-out people.

Is it Pim? Or Jam?

Yes, today's guide to Thursday's TV premieres is now up on SFist!

*Phew* Things are finally winding down!

"Faux" Means "Fake"...Get It?!

I'm doing another weekly series of posts for the SFGate Culture Blog and the first one is up now! Check it out! It's fun!

And it's mainly pictures, so it doesn't require a lot of reading.

On the other hand, I also have another post up on SFist, and that DOES require some reading. If you want to know what to watch on TV tonight, that is.

Tune In Tuesdays

Today's guide to Tuesday's Fall TV Premieres is now up on SFist, and thankfully there's really only one new show worth watching...

Man. Today. What a day, what a day...

Hang On! You Need To Know What To Watch Tonight!

SFist was acting up this morning so I couldn't link to my guide to Monday's Fall TV Premieres until now.

I've also got a brief reality TV locals post up too...

Wait...There's Some Show About a War on Tonight?

My guide to tonight's TV premieres is now up on SFist. The ball is officially rolling.

TV Or Not TV

Ho. Lee. Crap.

I have literally spent the entire day and night watching TV pilots, writing about TV pilots, and doing screen grabby things with TV pilots. And I'm not even half-way through it all. So far only CBS deems me worthy of early screener DVD copies of TV premieres, so I have to seek out the other pilots online, like an animal. Most of NBC's new shows are available on Amazon's Unbox thingy, (or Comcast's On Demand, not that I can get that to work), but there are still plenty of other network shows that I haven't been able to see at all yet. Aaaack! I also have to work tomorrow, which means come Monday I will not have left my apartment since Friday evening. Insane!

The results of my labors will be available for your reading pleasure daily on SFist starting tomorrow. I will also be doing a weekly column about some San Francisco-set shows for the SFGate Culture Blog starting next week. You can also read the return of my Reality TV Locals Round-Up on SFist come Monday. I'll link to them all when they go online.

Needless to say, for the next few weeks, I will be watching a ridiculous amount of TV, at least until I decide which shows I can drop, (and which shows the networks decide to pull). I really should get past my need to watch a show until its bitter end, even when it has long since ceased to be entertaining. For instance, there's no reason I need to keep watching "Desperate Housewives" or "Grey's Anatomy" anymore; those shows do nothing but annoy me. And yet, I keep at it, out of some anal retentive need for completion, and some false notion that by quitting them I will somehow not have my finger on the pop culture pulse or something, which is just stupid. "Desperate Housewives" hasn't had a pulse since season one.

The Calm Before the Storm

There's only one season premiere tonight, and you can read a tiny bit about it over on SFist now.

I think that's it for this week, which is a good thing because next week is going to be INSANE with the season premieres, yo.

Good News Everyone!

Oh, wait. There actually IS good news! AMC has renewed "Mad Men"! I can now watch the show every Thursday without the constant worry that it will soon all be over. Except for tonight, because I think it's a rerun.

If you haven't yet watched the show, shame on you. But if you have Comcast digital cable, I believe all the episodes are available On Demand, so you now have no excuse to not be watching.

Let Them Drink Bleach!

The Fall TV coverage continues over on SFist.

So many TV premieres, so little time.

What to Watch, Or Avoid Like Hell, As the Case May Be

There's another brief post about tonight's TV premieres over on SFist now!

They're Here Already! You're Next!

Mystery illness strikes after meteorite hits Peruvian village.

Thanks Yahoo! News, for thoroughly freaking my shit out this morning.

And the Emmy Goes To....Whoever It Went to Last Year

The fact that I didn't even mention that the Emmys were coming up last week, nor offered any comment today, should be proof enough that I think the whole thing is a crock. But I did TiVo it, just so I could see the one bit that is always amusing: The video compilation for the nominees in the Outstanding Writing in a Variety, Music or Comedy Program category. And here it is!

Let the Insanity Begin!

I've got to get my butt to class shortly (I can't believe the teacher assigned over 70 pages of reading; is it possible to read that much in a bus ride? Oh, who am I kidding? I'll be on MUNI. It could take hours to get to campus!) but I want to direct you to SFist where my Fall TV coverage has begun!

Now With Audio!

See that post down there? Did you read it? Cool. Now you can go here and listen to Griffin's speech!

Is it the weekend yet?

Suck It, E! Entertainment Television!

So, Kathy Griffin won an Emmy at that "Creative Emmys" last weekend, and her speech won't be televised on E! this weekend. Here's what she said:

I guess hell froze over. A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this. He had nothing to do with this... suck it Jesus! This award is my God now.

People are calling it hate speech. All I know is I love her a little bit more now.

Of course the women on "The View" had something to say about it this morning, and of course Elizabeth Hasssssellllbleck thinks that's something that should never be said. And the new idiot Sherri Shepherd (she'll remain an idiot in my book because she admitted she does not believe in evolution and does not want it taught to her kids, and she took her husband back after he had an affair, and a CHILD, with another woman. They have since separated, but still!), thought the same thing. Apparently there's a line one should never cross and it involves making fun of Jesus.

Duly noted.

In other news, I would totally buy this t-shirt.

No More, Please. I'm Full.

Wow. That Britney performance on the MTV VMA Awards tonight sure was awful, wasn't it? She looked like she was half-asleep, or like she thought it was a dress rehearsal or something. Just no energy at all. And if you're gonna lip sync the whole thing, why wear a microphone pack at all? Who do you think you're fooling? Also, nice weave, Brit. Didn't you learn anything from past weave horrors?

Check it out for yourself here.

THIS! IS! STUPID!

After several weeks, Netflix finely saw fit to send me a copy of "300." I gave the movie about 45 minutes before I realized there was no way I could watch one more minute of it with any attempt at seriousness. And since I was home alone, my wisecracks weren't going to amuse anyone but my cat (and she hates all my jokes). So I downloaded the Rifftrax for the movie, and watched the rest of it that way.

Man, what a huge improvement! I can't believe people actually sat in theaters and watched that giant piece of crap without shouting at the screen all "Rocky Horror" style. In fact, the RiffTrax was so much fun I actually rewatched the first 45 minutes I had subjected myself to earlier so I wouldn't miss any of the jokes.

So, if you haven't seen it, and plan to, I really, really recommend doing so with the accompaniment of Mike, Bill, and Kevin.

Also, when I finished with the movie, I watched a rerun of SNL, which included this sketch. The gods were aligned tonight, my friends.

What? No "Cop Rock"?

Time magazine has compiled a list of the 100 best TV shows of all time, and it's pretty cool because there's a clip with every listing.

Of course it's not complete because "Mad Men" isn't on it. That show just keeps getting better and better. Last night's episode almost had me crying, not because of anything that happened in the show (although the bit about Salvatore was pretty heartbreaking), but because it was so damn good. I almost had an "I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCH!!!!" moment (see above).

What Goes Around Comes Around

I've been kind of obsessed with Justin Timberlake this past week or so. Not so much with him--I don't find him all that attractive or sexy, although he is consistently hilarious on "Saturday Night Live"--but with his music. I found myself listening to a select few of his songs ("My Love," "Cry Me a River," "Chop Me Up," and "What Goes Around...") over and over again. (And I mean over and over. Thank god for headphones.) It might have something to do with a recent run-in I had with a creep; hearing Timberlake sing lyrics like, "If I wrote you a symphony/Just to say how much you mean to me," just seemed like the perfect antithesis to an idiot sending me a picture of his dick. (True story. And no, it wasn't in a box. But should I ever run into the guy, it might very well end up in one.)

Strangely, the topic of Timberlake has also recently appeared on a number of blogs I read regularly, with links to articles that basically bash him. I guess it's because of his HBO concert special, which aired over the weekend, (and which I didn't get to see, dammit.) All I can say is, whatever, people. I'm not going to make any apologies for liking JT. I'm not someone who listens to a ton of pop and R&B, but I do appreciate a catchy pop song, and I think he's got some really great pop songs. There shouldn't be a need to apologize for liking 'em. (Particularly vexing are music snobs who can rave until the end of time about the musical merits of The Archies or The Monkees, but turn up their noses when it comes to the likes of Britney or Beyonce. Puh-lease.)

But I will put a little analysis into why I think the song "My Love" is great: It's because there's a sample repeated throughout the chorus that sounds a lot like someone is strangling a muppet. Or tickling one. For no apparent reason.

Which is awesome.

Here's the video. You have to get through a rather long intro before you get to the muppet strangling but I, for one, think it's worth the wait.

Toucha Toucha Toucha Touch Me

I wasn't too terribly excited by the iPhone when it was first announced, or after I saw one in person, but for some reason, the iPod Touch has me all aflutter. It's basically an iPhone without the phone part (and the added ability of being able to download songs directly to the device) so I didn't understand why I was so excited by it until it dawned on me: It's because I won't need to rub my face on the iPod Touch and get it all greasy all the time (unless I'm watching a Mark Ruffalo movie on it, of course).

Step 3: TENDERLY Remove the Appendix

Why is it so funny watching other people crack up?





[Via Fresh Hell]

Immamameh

This is the funniest thing you will read all day.