Are You SURE It's Not a Dinosaur?

OK....Is it a Monster From the Id?

The second episode of "Lost" was on last night, and it rocked. This article provides some plot points you may have missed. And the show's producer insists that monster ain't a dinosaur.

Maybe it's that French woman they heard on the radio, and she's REALLY pissed.

Is It April 1st?

Because I'm having a hard time believing this one.

CSI toys are supposedly hitting the store shelves this Friday. The first one due? Why, the CSI: Forensic Facial Reconstructive Kit, of course.

I'll believe it when I see it. And then I'll buy the entire shelf-full and not have to worry about my Christmas shopping for the rest of the year.

Get Lost

The second episode of Lost is on tonight at 8pm. Woo! Look out for the monster! If you missed the first episode, don't despair. ABC will re-air the first AND second episodes this Saturday at 8pm. Set your TiVo. Write yourself a post-it note. Program that VCR. Do it....why aren't you doing it? DO IT NOW!

Also, because of tomorrow's debate, The Apprentice is going to be on this evening at 9pm. I wonder what further labor laws The Donald will break with tonight's firing?

Old News. Literally.

Well, this is old news to most people, but I did promise to send this photo around, so I'm just going take a short cut and post it here. Enjoy.



Here's the story behind it. Although, it might be more fun to come up with a story of your own...

It's OVER!

Well, as far as I can tell on my end, the comments don't look any different. Which is actually fine, as when it was working for a brief five minutes, it appeared as if it wasn't able to save all the old comments. And we want those to be accesible for future generations, so FORGET it. You'll all have to continue not leaving comments the old fashioned way!

It's NEW!

I've switched to Haloscan for my comments thingamabob, and I hope it works. If it does, you'll be able to post comments anoymously, or with your own Web site as the associated URL. And the comments will appear in a pop-up, which is always exciting. Unless you have a pop-up blocker, in which case I suggest you turn that puppy off for this page.

Leave a comment and see if it works. If it doesn't, we'll just go back to normal and we can all pretend this little incident never happened.

Is Anyone Gonna Give a Crap in Five Years?

Blah Blah, Leno is leaving. Yadda yadda, Conan is moving in. *Yawn* Whatever. Leno has been dead to me for years. (Does anyone else remember when he used to be one of the funniest stand-ups out there, way back in the 80s? Didn't think so.) And while I love Conan, I can only hope that he'll still be funny in FIVE YEARS! Leno sure didn't get funnier with age.

But then again, I still laugh every night watching Letterman, so it's not impossible.

In other late night news, Craig Kilborn is officially gone, (praises be) and the guest hosts have taken over. But so far, Amy Sedaris is not amongst them. Come on people! SHE'S GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!

Shoot Me Now

What could be worse than being in a roomfull of ex-"Apprentice" contestants? How about being stuck on a boat with them!

I hope Stacie J. is on board, telling fortunes with her Magic 8 Ball.

Well, That Explains the Necklace

Cynthia Nixon "Switches Roles."

A Plane Crashes on an Island Full of Models...and TWO Bachelors!

Thanks to the miracle of TiVo, I was able to watch four--FOUR!--season premieres last night, all before the strike of midnight. I love TiVo. (When will Gavin Newsom start the fight to legalize marriage between an individual and his or her TiVo? 'Cause I'd totally do it!)

Here's what I thought about the shows:

Lost. LOVED it! I thought it was awesome, and one of the best TV pilots I've ever seen. You've got the whole deserted island thing, action galore in the form of flashbacks to the plane crash that got them there, as well as a huge cast of characters, some of whom are already acting kind of strange. And--AND--there's a giant monster on the island killing people! Sure, the monster sounds a little too much like a cast-off from Jurassic Park, but so what. It's a MONSTER! There aren't enough monsters on primetime TV these days. (Aside from the one living on top of Donald Trump's head.) I'm excited about what's to come. Aliens? Or maybe they'll walk to the other side of the island only to discover--Damn you!

America's Next Top Model 3. The premiere was a little anti-climactic since they announced this season's cast of wannabee models weeks ago. But aside from that, there was a crazy bar fight, a legally blind contestant, a plus-sized model, and Tyra made the mean girl cry! I think the show's still got it, so I'll just have to catch it during its reruns on Friday nights.

The Bachelor. OK. I think I'm officially through with this show. I don't care that the bachelorettes this time around are older. (Meaning they're in their thirties. Gee. Can women in their thirties even get around without canes and walkers? How are they going to be able to date?) Or that they got to choose this season's bachelor (they were both boring and ugly.) I'm so incredibly over it all. I don't care. Take it off my TV screen. NOW!

CSI: NY. I'll admit to a genuine fondness for CSI. I think it's great TV. However, I have no tolerance for CSI: Miami, mainly because I think David Caruso is the most annoying actor on TV. He cannot deliver a single line without it coming across as smug. All I want to do is smack him every time he's on screen. So, that show's out. I'll admit that my tuning into "NY" had a lot to do with my fondness for Gary Sinise, a great actor who, for some reason, I find very attractive. Except last night I noticed something very disturbing about him: He has a very small head. I'm hoping this won't distract from future enjoyment of the show, but I'm a little worried. As for his approach to the now familiar role, he seems to be taking the tortured route. So: David Caruso is smug. And William Petersen is jovial. I think one should choose their "CSI" show based on how they like their grisly crimes served up: smug, tortured, or goofy.

Or with a tiny head.

Speaking of tiny heads....Sorry, I've got no segue here, but tonight's the season premiere of ER. Does anyone watch that anymore? That's another one I may have to give up. Once they started dropping helicopters on people's (tiny?) heads, I kind of lost interest.

Maybe they should set a monster loose in the hospital!

Remember the Good Old Days...

When you could come home from school, pour yourself a bowl of cereal, plop in front of the TV set, and learn about the horrors of marijuana and angel dust? I sure do. So I am SO excited about this. [link via freakgirl]

Speaking of Coconuts

Lost premieres at 8:00 on ABC, and I'm excited. While it might at first sound like nothing more than a "dramatic" version of "Gilligan's Island," (plane crash survivors stranded on a deserted island) I have faith it will be much more than that, mainly because it's from the creative mind of J.J. Abrams, the guy behind Alias. He cares not for stories that "make sense" or "are believable" and I love him for it. Word has it there's more on this island than sand, and more to these survivors than they are willing to reveal.

AND one of them is a HOBBIT!

C'mon. What else are you going to watch before the premiere of another insufferable season of The Bachelor?

Flash a Boob in His Honor

By which I mean, don't flash someone you think is a boob, but flash one of YOUR boobs, if you've got 'em.

Oh, never mind.

Russ Meyer died. Read Roger Ebert's tribute.

She Can Do a Hell of a Lot With a Coconut

I don't care if Mark Burnett has anything to with it or not. I want Martha Stewart back on my TV! Now! No one wields a glue gun like her, and the Holidays are just not going to be the same without her there to tell me how to tie the perfect bow!

I'm PACKING It!!

Will the decidedly Hulkish Colin and the road-ragin' Christie take home the million bucks tonight on the "Amazing Race" finale?

Good God, I hope not.

As for the other finalists, the Moms are a little too shrill, and the Christian models are a little too...Christian model, I guess. So I'm rooting for Chip and Kim. And I will be screaming and on the edge of my seat for the entire duration of the two-hour finale, you can count on that. (Starts at 9! On CBS!)

Here's a good article about the show, and why some people (you know who you are) continue to think of the "Amazing Race" as the "spinach" of reality programs.

"I Want It To Be the Way I Want It To Be"

I'm not going to go off on another "Star Wars" geek rant about the DVD release of the "original" three movies. It's all been said before. But I just can't get over some of the comments George Lucas makes in this CNN interview. He sounds like a spoiled 9-year. (Or young Annakin. Take your pick.)

"They're MY movies!! I should have it MY way!"

He just. Doesn't. Get it.

Is He Anything?

John Kerry is scheduled to appear on Letterman tonight. I'm kind of hoping he'll actually show some personality, and will talk about some important issues, because man. He's got to get that ball rolling soon! Of course I know the election won't be won or lost depending on his ability to woo the viewers of late night talk shows, but at least that's an arena Bush will most likely not enter...

Cocaine's a Hell of a Drug!

Reports of Rick James' death from natural causes were....a little exaggerated.

Wake Me If James Gandolfini Starts Eating People

For someone who watches so much TV, I have surprisingly little interest in the Emmy Awards. I'm not sure why that is, as I get ecstatic over the Oscars. Maybe it's because I really don't give a crap about what actor is going to take home a statue for best performance in a TV movie. Or maybe it's the lack of really BIG stars. (Yeah. I said it. Movie stars are bigger than TV stars.) Or maybe it's the sheer predictability of the event. ("The West Wing" won again? *Yawn.* Is that a "Soprano" clutching an award? *Snore.*) Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I won't be glued to the set this Sunday.

Although the potential for some good fashion disasters does hold promise...

Now I Guess I'll Have to Tell 'em That I Got No Cerebellum

Johnny Ramone died. I think I'm gonna cry...

My most memorable Ramones experience was seeing them at Wolfgang's a week after having BRAIN SURGERY when I was a teenager. I stood right in front of the stage. And it was awesome.

Read one of Johnny's last interviews with Rolling Stone

My Ox Is BROKEN!

I just can not express to you how much I am loving The Amazing Race right now. Last night's episode had my cheering, and guffawing, and screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" more than I have for anything I've watched in my entire life. And I was into football once! Seeing a contestant I had once admired, and now loath with a passion, reduced to a simpering mass being drug around a mud field by an ox that couldn't care less was one of the most satisfying viewing experiences of my life.

I can say with no hesitation that there is no other show on TV right now, reality or otherwise, that's better. And while it saddens me that the finale is next week, I am happy that I will not have to wait another year for the new season, which will most likely premiere in November.

Count Me In For the Whining

When I was in my twenties I watched, and loved, thirtysomething, but it was taken off the air before I actually hit my thirties and could really understand it. And now that I have hit my thirties it looks like the show's creators will be producing a show about people in their twenties. I'll probably watch it, but am hoping that they'll eventually do a show for people in their forties. That's not, you know, like Matlock or something.

The Wookie Has No Pants

I have no intention of buying the prettied-up "Star Wars" trilogy when it comes out on DVD next week. (I'll stick to my old-school laserdiscs of "Star Wars" and "Empire" and continue to pretend "Return of the Jedi" never happened.) But I was pleased to catch Star Wars: Empire of Dreams, one of the documentaries that's included in the DVD package, on TV last night. It's chock full of interviews, behind-the-scenes footage, and old audition tapes. (Kurt Russell as Han Solo!) And Harrison Ford's interview regarding George Lucas's approach to directing actors provided some good insight into why the acting in the films continues to be so atrocious.

So, all you "Star Wars" geeks, the two-hour doc will be rerun on A&E Sunday the 19th at noon, and Saturday the 25th at 1:00pm.

This Toy Is Going To Be YOOOGE

Anyone watch the premiere of The Apprentice last night? Raj frightens me, but not as much as the Subway lady. And thank God this is the toy the team went with instead of that ridiculous motorized football player head. The hell?

You Can Watch Yourself While You Are Eating

The episode of Bands Reunited featuring The English Beat premieres tonight at 5:00pm and 10:00pm on VH-1. I'm enjoying the show, but the episode about The New Kids On the Block was totally lame. You kind of know when the running time for an episode is only 30 minutes (when they're usually an hour) that the band will NOT be reunited.

Luckily, tonight's episode is an hour long. But I really wish the show's producers had contacted me when they were searching for singer Dave Wakeling. I know a certain racetrack he loves to perform at, and man, do the fans love him there! (Warning: Link launches a QuickTime movie.)

I'll Find It Funny...On Account of the Heavy Drinking, Jeff!!

J.J. Abrams, the creator of the kick-ass Alias, is set to create a show for the equally kick-ass Cheri Oteri. I watched a "Best of Cheri Oteri" episode of SNL last week, and realized I LOVE her. How come I didn't like her this much when the show was on? And what the hell happened to her since she left?

Narrated By...Sting

John Lennon's Jukebox , an episode of PBS's "Great Performances" airs tonight at 8:00pm, and it sounds interesting. I always find it kind of fascinating to delve into the music collections of the famous, especially learning what they listened to prior to their becoming famous...

I'm All Out of Sorts

I haven't picked up the Fall Preview edition of TV Guide yet, and my issue of Entertainment Weekly's Fall TV preview hasn't arrived.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WATCH!!

Well, that's not really true. I have a pretty good idea of what new shows I'll be tuning in to (at least their pilot episodes. I'm talking to you LAX!) but I like to know what days the premieres are occuring on, and of course what the TV-viewing professionals think of them.

I do know that the only new show of note premiering tonight is The Next Great Champ on Fox. That's the boxing reality show NOT hosted by Sylvester Stallone. Which is to say, it's Fox's rip-off of the Mark Burnett series The Contender, which doesn't premiere until November. And there's more than one similarity between the shows: I don't care about either one of them! I don't watch boxing unless it involves a Prince.

That's all I can muster for today. My section of the office is about 10 degrees hotter than any other room in this building, and I'm feeling a little lightheaded...Is it 5:00 yet?

Ivana Get Out of this Place

Ivana Trump is getting her own reality show, currently titled "Ivana Young Man." All I can say is good luck.

Noooo! Not the Vacation Slides!

Yes. I went on vacation. And yes. You WANT to see photos! So here's a brief, illustrated travelogue. I can't be bothered to come up with an entirely new narrative, so I'm gonna fudge a little and copy from myself. For I am a lazy broad....

First, we took a tour of Hearst Castle. It was quite fabulous, as would be expected. Afterwards, we stayed at The Madonna Inn. Our room was the Fabulous Fifties room, but I think it was a bit more 1850s than 1950s. What WAS 1950s (esque) was the presense of Brian Setzer, who was having a drink in the hotel bar. I tried to take a clandestine, non-flash photo, but it didn't turn out so good. (He's the kind of blonde blur next to the pillar on the right...)

An early start allowed us a stop in Solvang before we cranked up the air conditioner and cruised into the proverbial oasis in the desert. And it really was. A mere 70 bucks a night. A salt water pool. Hardly anyone there. Tastefully decorated. Free breakfast. And freshly baked chocolate chip cookies at 5:30pm! I almost don't want to tell anyone about it lest I spoil it, but I just can't help it. If you ever plan a stay in Palm Springs, check out The Chase Hotel.

The next day we made a brief visit to Lake Havasu, Arizona, home to the London Bridge, where it was about 200 degrees outside. Couldn't do much there but pant and snap a few photos. Our pit stop that night was Kingman, Arizona, on Route 66. We stayed at the Hilltop Motel, Timothy McVeigh's choice when he stayed in Kingman prior to the Oklahoma City bombings. If that wasn't creepy enough, during our stay there, T. had a bad night's sleep, having had a nightmare of some guy chasing her and grabbing her by the leg. And the next morning? She had a hand-shaped bruise on her calf. Swear. To. God.


Needless to say we checked out early, but didn't leave town before visiting some of their groovy museums.


And then, the penultimate destination. As I said before, Veagas cannot be summed up with just one photo. So...Take...Your...Pick.

Our final stop was another Route 66 town: Barstow, California, where we couldn't resist staying at the Route 66 Motel. Despite having to get a new TV put in the room, and the broken shower head, it was a place with it's share of charms.

All-in-all it was a fabulous road trip. Not nearly as unbearably hot as I had been warned it would be. And full of many more (photographed) moments I'm more than willing to share with anyone interested. Like the Bonnie and Clyde pseudo-death car! And the authentic Clyde Barrow death shirt! And the worst mural of Elvis you'd ever hope to see!

The road. She has so many treasures to offer...

I Swear I Could See the Clamp on the Back of Her Head

Did anyone see Farrah Fawcett on David Letterman last night? While it wasn't as bizarre as her previous, drugged-out appearance, I was astounded by how scary she looks. Like too-many-face-lifts scary. And then she started talking about how she's never had a face-lift! How could she say something like that with a straight face? (Pun intended!)

Anyway, there's a clip on the official Late Show site.