By the Time You're Through, You'll All Be Wearing Gold Diapers

The Washington Post knows what its been lacking, and that's More Cowbell.

Johnny Always Liked Him Best

David Letterman has returned from vacation and will do his Johnny Carson tribute show tonight. I've got the Leno Late Show tribute TiVoed, but haven't watched it yet, mainly because I just can't stand Jay Leno (which is sad because before he got the "Tonight Show" gig, he was hilarious.)

Creepy

I discovered yesterday, quite by accident, that there are photos of me on the Internet.

No, no. Nothing salacious. When checking out the Yellow Pages feature on Amazon's A9 search engine (many listings include photos taken on the block that the business is located on), I looked up my office and found a photo of myself walking to work! Yeeks!!

Beware....Amazon is watching....

And You Call Yourself a 90s Lover

VH-1 had a second chance to get it right with I Love the 90s Part Deux and include a look at THE quintessential 1990s teen angst TV show, My So-Called Life, and guess what! Once again they omitted it.

What the hell? Is there any other TV show that screams "90s!" louder? How can they include "7th Heaven" and "Party of Five" and not MSCL? Yes, I am getting my panties in a twist over this, but, alas, there isn't anything else to bitch about today, so forgive me.

Of course I don't think they mentioned "Seinfeld" either, so obviously, the people who compile these shows are insane.

Bolo the Wrestler? Meet Bobo the Monkey.

Unfortunately, the wrestlers won't be able to bungle their way to the finish line any more, as they were eliminated on last night's The Amazing Race. Which leaves us with Kris and Jon (who finally seems to lose his calm next week), Hayden and Aaron (poor, poor Aaron), Rebecca and Adam (I fully expect him to be sucking on a pacifier while crying that his diaper needs changing by the end of the season), and Kendra and Freddy (her gastrointestinal distress last night gave me all kinds of karmic joy). Once again, the option to dump your partner sounds like an amazingly good idea for future seasons. If we could just get Rebecca and Aaron on a team, and load Hayden and Adam down with each other, it would make for a much more enjoyable race.

A Day Late and None-the-Better

I took a writing break yesterday, in honor of my birthday, so this week's SFist post is a little late. Enjoy.

Good Move, Mr. Moore

Just in time for my birthday, the Oscar nominations were announced this morning and once again, I was overlooked by the Academy. I just hope that invite to Swifty Lazar's party doesn't get lost in the mail AGAIN....Wait...he's dead? So that explains it.

The noms were pretty predictable, so nothing too exciting there. I do have to say Michael Moore's decision to submit Fahrenheit 9/11 to the Best Picture category instead of Best Documentary failed miserably.

I'm also ashamed to admit that I have not seen any of the movies nominated for Best Picture. I suck. But I will change that before the end of February, although I have to say I'm only excited about seeing two of them. The others? A bit of a chore to get me to sit through them, I think....

Happy Most Depressing Day of the Year!

Since today has officially been declared the most depressing day of the year, I thought I'd go ahead and take the day off. Actually, my day off has more to do with tomorrow than today, if you know what I mean (and I think you do).

So no posts today!

Also, just have to say, goodnight Johnny.

Ummm. Is It April 1st?

I read this yesterday, and was hoping that by today there would be some news about it being a joke. So far, not the case.

A sequel to Taxi Driver. I really hope DeNiro was just trying to be funny.

Black and White and Red All Over

Crappy CGI polar bear aside, I thought last night's Lost was pretty damn good. I'm loving that each new episode is making me want to watch past episodes to try and follow along an individual character's story even if those past episodes aren't exclusively about them. Case in point: last night's show really made me want to go back and see how Walt and his being "special" might have caused some subtle things to happen that I might have previously missed. Already established that he essentially brought a polar bear to the island, and his dog back to life, but has there been anything else?

Anyway, I'll have the time to go back and "review the tapes" as a new episode isn't scheduled to air until February 9th!!! Bastards!

Do They REALLY Need Another Million Dollars?!

Looks like we won't have to wait too long for the seventh season of "The Amazing Race" as it premieres on March 1st. And it seems the producers didn't learn their lesson last season after casting reality show veterans Allison and Donnie, as "Survivor All-Stars" winner Amber and her beau Rob are going to be a team in this seventh season. C'mon people! She already won a million bucks. Do you really think ANYONE is going to be rooting for them to win this too? I'm already tired of the incessant casting of "dating models/actors" on this series and was really hoping they'd start to cast more teams like the Clowns or the Bowling Moms. The addition of this "stunt casting" is really, really annoying.

To the Devil, a Daughter

Point Pleasant premieres tonight on Fox, and (some) people are buzzing about it. Most of that buzz is coming from Buffy fans because writer and producer Marti Noxon is involved in the show. I needn't point out that Ms. Noxon was not always the best mind behind the "Buffy" series, but no matter. This series is about a young woman who is the spawn of Satan. No, seriously. Her mom was...Mom, and her dad was Satan. Sounds like it's got potential, right? I can't really say because for some reason the networks are STILL not sending me advanced copies of new shows, but I am going to give it a shot (even though the premiere is on at the same time as Alias. I think some TiVo/channel hopping will be happening tonight.)

At Last, Our Long National Nightmare Is Over

I was going to avoid the obvious and not mention that it was an ass that lead to the downfall of team Victoria and Jonathan, but sometimes, the obvious is just too good.

Yes, I got much joy out of last night's episode of The Amazing Race, and not only because of the elimination of Jonathan and Victoria. And also, I must mention, in spite of Kendra's return to form, (and I quote: "It's a different kind of poverty. It's like these people choose to be this way. It's actually refreshing. The animals aren't even as skinny.") I was happy to see less bunching, more team backstabbing, and all those very friendly Ethiopian children. (If only they knew what jerks most of the people they were being nice to really are.) I didn't get joy from seeing Jonathan strip down to his underwear in order to jump into the mud pile, or from hearing Victoria start to shriek after cutting her finger. Jonathan's reaction to that was, as usual, to ignore her. (Somehow I think the scenario of Jonathan in his underwear/Victoria shrieking is a scene not unfamiliar to them.) I will never understand why some teams chose that mudflinging task. Why would anyone think that would be easier and faster than carting a wood roof with the help of half a dozen other people?

And yes, it was the actual lack of an jackass that caused Victoria and Jonathan to lose. Beautiful. Freddy and Kendra next, please...

Busy Days Mean Puny Posts

Sorry for the lack of posts these past few days, but work has been quite busy, and much of my spare time has been devoted to writing this week's SFist Watches post, as well as a review of a play I saw last week...

So, for today, you'll have to get your fix over there.

Chamomile Tea Makes Me Pee

OK. I freely admit that I've used the word "pee" way too many times within the past week. ("I freely admit"....I.P. Freely...aaaahh hahhhhaaa!) But I swear it was warranted. I've already covered Mini-Me's urinary issues, so why not bring my own into the fold? Anyway, I've still got a nagging cough as a result of the flu I got LAST YEAR, and have been drinking a lot of chamomile tea to try and ease it a bit while I'm at work, hence the many trips to the bathroom. But now that I've mentioned peeing so much, I wonder if I'll start getting hits from people searching for "pee" on Google. We all know there's more than a few of those freaks out there, and I for one am not someone to turn away an interested reader.

Peeing aside, I'm sure glad it's Friday, as it has been a trying week full of work drama, cold weather, coughing, and laundry. I can't wait to get home and sink into two more discs of the first season of The O.C. because I am LOVING it. For whatever reason (scheduling, most likely) I didn't watch the show at all last year, even though I knew I'd probably love it. So I started taping the latest season, and renting the last season, and am having mini-marathons every weekend. Granted, sometimes the show is too hip for its own good, but the sarcastic humor, excellent writing, pure melodrama, and Peter Gallagher's eyebrows make it nothing but entertaining to watch.

They Had Me

And then they Lost me.

Beware: Lost spoilers below!!

I was really digging the reveal of Boone's character last night: Rich boy. In love with his sister. Who's really kind of horrible! But only because her stepmother didn't love her!! And oh my god, are they really gonna...?! And holy crap, I can't believe she's dead! That's awesome! They killed a main character! Who has the balls to do that on a hit show?

Well, apparently not J.J. because it turns out it was all, essentially, a dream. Bastards.

OK. A hallucination. Fueled by the mystical island. And the hallucination helped reveal to Boone that he needs to get the hell over Shannon, because, eww, and also so they can both be happy. Fine. It did serve some purpose to the arc of the show, and continued to drive home the notion that the island gives you what you really need, when you really need it. But it still kind of pissed me off. And I can only hope that if this "S/he's dead!" thing should happen again, it doesn't end with a "just foolin!" because at that point, that's what we'll be expecting, and it will REALLY shock us when it doesn't.

Buoy Oh Buoy

Last night's The Amazing Race proved once and for all that Victoria is just as bad as Jonathan. I can no longer feel sorry for her when he calls her stupid or yells at her to "move it!" and blah blah blah. I do believe she did the same thing to him last night, more than once. So, really, it's kind of touching. Their relationship just proves that there really can be someone out there perfectly suited to your insanity and weaknesses. And inability to spot a buoy if your life depended on it. Of course next week it looks like she chops off a finger (probably just a splinter really, but her reaction to it would have you thinking differently), to the totally predictable indifference of Jonathan.

I will say the incessant bunching this season is getting tedious. They need to stop it. Now. But they have my permission to put Adam in as many cumbersome contraptions as possible. Comedy gold, I tell ya!

Spreading the Good Word

I attempt to spread the word about the astounding "Surreal Life" in this week's SFist post, available now!

And if you're just dying to learn more about me, don't read this interview, as I do my best to remain the facinating enigma I am.

Fabrice: FABulous?

TVgasm posted this tidbit about a certain Bachelorette contestant...the show just got a little more interesting.

Desperately Blah

For a while there I thought I was the only TV viewer in America that was not entranced by Desperate Housewives . Don't get me wrong, I still watch it every week, mostly out of curiosity to see if it will finally live up to the hype. It hasn't yet. So I was happy to see this review in The New Yorker. I think for the most part, she hits the nail on the head, except for the bit about Teri Hatcher, whose character is one of the show's consistent low-points.

The Cutest Cute That Ever Cuted

When I was a child and I played with doll houses, I never populated them with tiny people. Instead, the inhabitants were always small bears. (The household help were usually mice dressed as chefs and maids and such.) So it was surprising when in a conversation not at all about work, my boss mentioned the book series about Alfred the Little Bear. How did I not know about this book when I was a little kid playing with tiny bears in tiny houses? Or did I actually see it at some point, thus inspiring me to build homes for little bears? Whatever the case may be, you've got to look at the site, because it. Is. So. CUTE!

Just....Wow

If you didn't catch the premiere of the new season of The Surreal Life last night, be sure to catch a re-run. It was...unbelievable. I didn't think anything could top the trainwreck first appearance of Brigitte Nielsen last season, but boy was I wrong. The show finally lived up to its "Surreal" title with the site of a drunken, naked Verne "Mini Me" Troyer driving around on an electric scooter and peeing in a corner. It was both hilarious and really, really disturbing to watch. And perhaps the most frightening result of last night's show? I'm totally hot for Christopher "Peter Brady" Knight now.

Anyway, you can see some of the highlights by visiting the show's site and clicking on the sneak peek link.

Edited to add: Go here and click on "Mini-Me's Gotta Pee" for a look at the horrifying moment, uncut!

I Can't Go to the Movies. I Have Too Much TV to Watch!

But if you're one of those people that can actually go to the movies in the middle of the week then this coupon is for you! Print it out and you can see a movie at the Metreon for the oh-so-80s price of 5 bucks. Sweet!

Mini Pee

Don't forget that the premiere of the new season of The Surreal Life is this Sunday. And if the above linked article is any indication, it's gonna be AWESOME.

And for those who couldn't get enough of last season's Brigitte Nielsen and Flavor Flav romance, they've got their own show, Strange Love, also premiering on Sunday on VH-1.

I Think the Movie Made Her Sick

Because the previews are certainly making me nauseous. Jennifer Garner's recent ailment is now reportedly nerve damage caused by a stunt she performed during filming of "Alias."

Personally, I think she wants to get out of talking about Elektra as much as possible, because if the previews are any indication, it's gonna SUCK. Which is a shame because I always thought the Elektra character--at least in the Frank Miller comic version--was pretty freakin' cool. But this movie might be as bad as Daredevil, the movie that spawned it. Too bad.

Let's Hear It For Hungary's Amazing Water Polo Team!!

Have they made it to the Olympics? They're AWESOME!!

But seriously, last night's The Amazing Race was pretty satisfying in that Lori and Bolo did NOT get eliminated, we got to see Jon in a Speedo, and the Amazing Tool Number 2, Freddy, had to eat his own vomit.

I'm still praying for the elimination of Jonathan and Victoria, and do my best to just ignore them when they're on screen. And while Gus and Hera were nice enough, they were awful racers, so I'm not that sad to see them go. (How did they manage to always--ALWAYS--choose the slower of two tasks at any given roadblock?!)

You Are No Longer Allowed to Call Me on Wednesday Nights

The best night of television begins tonight with the return of Lost after a month-long break, and the season premiere of Alias. Normally, I just TiVo my favorite shows, but with these two, I know I'm not going to be able to wait and will have to sit glued to the TV for most of the night.

However, while I will continue to tape "Lost," and will lend those tapes to the boobs who can't get it together enough to watch the show on their own, I won't be doing the same for "Alias." So just watch the damn thing, OK?

Sick!!

It's going on a week now, and I'm still battling a horrific case of the flu. I had hoped to get some posts up during my Christmas vacation, but instead my vacation was devoted to shivering with cold sweats on my couch. A full week off, and I wasn't even able to leave the house. How do ya like them apples?

But things are slowly going to have to return to normal, coughing or no coughing. For starters, this week's SFist post is now up...

One of the worst things about being sick all last week was that there wasn't any good TV on. It was all re-runs or clip shows. But tonight brings the return of The Amazing Race, praises be. Maybe the show's usual excitement will help spark some energy in me because I sure need it!