Are Those My Birds? I Need Those.

I hardly ever watch commercials anymore thanks to TiVo, and I can't remember the last time I saw a movie in a theater, where the commercials aren't so easily avoidable, so I don't even know if this Wes Anderson American Express commercial is old news or not. But here it is regardless.

Come Summer, That Page Ain't Gonna Change

If you spend most weeks wondering if there's going to be a new "Lost" or not, then Is Lost a Repeat? is the place for you. One click, and you'll have your answer.

Will Morely Safer Make Him Cry?

TiVo/VCR alert!

Stephen Colbert will be interviewed on this Sunday's "60 Minutes."

I Wasn't Pushing You Away. I Was Pulling Me Toward Myself.

Finally!

Ho My Goodness! I Said 'Sex!' I Meant to Say 'SIX!'

From my early teens to my mid-20s, I used to listen to the Alex Bennett show in San Francisco every morning. I can't remember why his show disappeared, but I'm sure it had something to do with Howard Stern. (Doesn't it always?) The appeal of the Alex Bennett show was never Alex Bennett. He wasn't very funny himself, but he always had really good comedians on his show. (It was on his show that I first heard Bobby Slayton, Dana Gould, and Patton Oswalt.)

Apparently he's in New York now, and doing a show for Sirius satellite radio (and I think his former newswoman, Lori Thompson, is doing some kind of Christian music show, which is hard to believe!)

On his site he's got some RealAudio from his show, recorded in 1997. (Click on the Live 105 link in the middle, found here.) The beginning is pretty lame, but pretty soon Kevin Meaney shows up, and it gets out of control. I laughed and laughed.

He's So Crazy, It Just Might Work

The Palladinos talk about why they're leaving "Gilmore Girls." Part of me thinks they're just a bunch of Hollywood whiners who should have just stuck it out for a final year with the show. And another part of me still thinks their leaving could be a good thing for the series--if they are, indeed, to blame for some of this season's suckiness. (And if the spoilers in the above interview are true? They are dead to me.)

But then I read about how the new showrunner, Dave Rosenthal, is almost certifiably insane, and I begin to worry all over again...

No TV For You!

Musty TV is taking the week off, for this is TV Turnoff Week.

Ha ha ha ha! Just kidding.

The Perfect Parking Space

Park It. Lock It. Let's Go.
Originally uploaded by Rain Rain Rain.

I had a rental car this weekend because I had a free day and I needed to get to a friend's going-away-party in Oakland. The bad thing about having a rental car, as opposed to a Zipcar, is that I have to find a parking space for it. This isn't easy for two reasons. First, I live on Nob Hill and there's no parking here. Or there. Or over there. Or over there, either. The other problem is I can't parallel park, so even if a space opens up, unless it's on a block that has horizontal parking, or is a spot I can just pull into, I have to pass it by.

Tonight I started the quest, a quest that in the past has taken me over 90 minutes, but after only 10 minutes of circling, I came across the perfect spot, and only one block from my apartment. Sweet.

On my quest, however, I drove past the above-pictured car, which is proof that there's someone out there who's a worse parker than me. It might also be proof that circling around looking for parking can lead to a certain kind of insanity wherein you eventually think that just pulling onto the curb, even though you have plenty of space behind you (there's no car behind that car, just the entrance to an alley), is good enough.

I really can't fathom how someone could think this was ok. Unfortunately, the picture doesn't do it justice--it's not just the front tire that's on the curb, it's the whole front-end of the car. And that's not a driveway, that's the sidewalk.

The only times I could find a parking job like this reasonable is if the person parking was totally drunk, and really thought they had done a fine job, or if this was the front of a hospital, and a husband had just pulled up on to the curb to get his pregnant wife inside as she was going into labor.

That's not a hospital, and it was only 9:45pm when I first spotted this car, not 3am. So seriously, WTF?!

Mind the Gap

Another elimination, another conference call, this time with Brooke, who wasn't given any more chances. I kinda liked Brooke, mainly because her looks were unique and quite strong. But I guess they're just going for flat-out ugly this year, as Jade remains in the running.

I asked Brooke if she had done anything to conquer her apparent stage fright (she chocked during the commercial, and seemed downright terrified during the improv classes). She said she hasn't been in any situations recently where she could test herself out, but that she thinks she's better now. I also asked her who she's rooting for, and she said Danielle.

I like Danielle well enough; I think she takes good pictures, and she's certainly got a more pleasant personality than Jade. But it looks like next week she's going to succumb to the judges pressure and have the gap in her front teeth fixed, even though she's perfectly happy with it. Granted, it is a huge gap, but couldn't she just get a cap or a bridge or something that she could wear during photo shoots? A gap-toothed smile hasn't hurt the careers of Madonna and Lauren Hutton any!

Image courtesy UPN

I Think I'll Dine on Chocolate Chip Cookies Tonight

I find one of the few thrills of being an adult is being able to do things that as a child you would have killed to do. Like eating chocolate chip cookies for dinner.

Of course the thrill is lessened somewhat by the fact that I don't have someone who will just magically make them appear in front of me. Instead, I have to buy them, or make them, and I can't do either of those things until I get my ass home and retrieve my ATM card, which I left in a different pair of pants, which means I'll have to trudge up the hill to get home tonight, and then get the ATM card and then go back outside and to the store in search of chocolate chip cookie dough, and by that time it will be 8 p.m. and the novelty will have probably worn off completely by then.

See? Being an adult sucks.

Super Nerds

An old Comedy Central pilot starring Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman, and Brian Posehn.



I think the premise might have gotten a little tired as a series, but the pilot is pretty funny...

Dead? Who's Dead?

I totally dug the two-hour event that was Wednesday's episode of "Alias," however I was a little disappointed that those two new characters (hell, I don't even know their names: the Getty and the blonde chick) weren't just killed in an explosion at the beginning of the episode, because seriously, who gives a crap about them now? The only reason they were introduced was so they could be the leads since Jennifer Garner wasn't likely to come back full time. But that's all moot now. There are only five episodes left and all we need is mama, papa, evil Francie, the usual good/bad guys, and Vaughn.

Vaughn, y'all!

Jack White Sells Out

Jack White's Coke commercial has hit the Internets.



I think it's kind of a cool commercial, regardless of how you feel about Jack White.

But I thought "the right thing to do" was oatmeal? (Even if it's a muffin.)

Wednesday Nights Are Killing Me

In case you hadn't heard, "Alias" is returning to the schedule tonight with a "two hour event" starting at 8 p.m. on ABC. (I love how anything two-hours long is called an "event" on ABC.) J.J. Abrams talks about some of the shows missteps in this EW article.

Eight o'clock. The same time as "America's Next Top Model" and "The Amazing Race." Meanwhile Tuesdays at 9 p.m. continue to offer me nothing. What the hell!? MOVE ONE OF THESE SHOWS PLEASE!

For now, I'm going to have to TiVo "Alias," tape "TAR," and watch "ANTM" live--like an animal!

She's Due to Give Birth to a Healthy Pillow

I just love the current speculation that Katie Holmes is wearing a pregnancy pillow and isn't really pregnant. The whole thing gets weirder and weirder! She looked ready to burst a month ago, and now she's walking around shopping, and wearing regular (and actually, rather tight) jeans. (Fine. Maybe it's not a pillow. Maybe it's just a convincing prosthetic. And if it isn't, for the love of Xenu, will someone get this girl some proper maternity pants?!)

His movie comes out May 5th. Maybe she already had the baby, and they're timing the "birth" to coincide with the movie opening. Or she was never really pregnant. (If the latter is true, than her looking like hell recently has nothing to do with being pregnant....And that's kind of scary.)

This Just In!

Starbuck is getting a new hairstyle for the next season of "Battlestar Galactica"!

In other news, the war in Iraq is still a disaster.

Whole Lotta Shakin Goin' On

At long last, I've got another SFist post up.

Let this disaster nostalgia begin!

Eggcellent

Necktie Eggs 1
Originally uploaded by Rain Rain Rain.

I attempted the Martha Stewart necktie eggs, and am pretty pleased with the results. The key seems to be wrapping the egg so that fabric touches as much of the egg surface as possible. I broke one in the process of wrapping--it's tricky!

Next year I'm going to try smaller pieces of fabric and wrapping many rubber bands around the eggs instead of the just wrapping and twisting the top with a twist-tie.

You can see a few more here.

I'm a Super Genius When It Comes to the Stuff That Doesn't Really Matter

Has anyone taken the pop culture quiz in last week's "Entertainment Weekly"? I scored a 78, which put me in the "You've got potential, like Hilary Swank at the start of Million Dollar Baby" range. I was just two points away from 80, which was the top scoring range, doh! I think it was that section about musical "super groups" that did me in.

Easter Eggs: It's a Tie!

I learned a cool new way to decorate Easter eggs on yesterday's Martha show: Wrapping eggs in pieces of old silk neckties and then boiling them. The ink and pattern from the ties then transfer to the eggs. Pretty cool. You can see how they do it here [video], or read instructions here.

In other Martha Stewart news, I just got a notice in the mail that her magazine "Kids" is ceasing publication. Poop! I don't have kids, but it was always full off good crafting ideas, something her regular magazine (and her TV show) are rather lacking in of late...

I Should Be Heartbroken About This News

But I'm not. Seems the Palladinos, the writing team behind the series "Gilmore Girls" aren't renewing their contract. So, they won't be around next year when (if?) the show returns for it's (most likely) final season.

Like I said, I'm not too heartbroken about this because, seriously, could the show get any worse than it has been this year?

Which isn't to say it's been unwatchable. It's still one of my favorite TV dramas. But the first half of the season with Rory and Lorelei not speaking to each other, when one of the show's biggest joys is their relationship, was unbearable. And now what the writers have done to the Luke and Lorelei romance is just beyond awful. They seem to have it their heads that happily-ever-after isn't entertaining, and have instead thrown ridiculous impediments in front of the couple (I'm lookin' at YOU, Luke's illegitimate daughter!) when, really, I think we'd all be perfectly happy with Luke and Lorelei being...perfectly happy. For Paul Anka's sake, they're giving LANE a wedding before Lorelei. How heartbreaking is that?

So, if the Palladinos are to blame for this travesty of a season, then all I can say is, good riddance!

Edited to add: The above mentioned article has since been taken down by TV Guide. Apparently they were mistaken about the whole thing.

Ok. NOW I'm a little upset.

I Want My Free Streaming TV

Oh, hi! How have you been?

I've been busy. Busy busy busy. I've barely had time to watch TV, let alone write about it. And I feel bad about that. I blame it all on the weather. So, hopefully when the sun finally decides to shine for more than three hours at a time, my life will suddenly clear up, and I'll be able to tell all of you what to watch again. Just in time for clear skies, and the ability to finally spend time outdoors, away from the TV.

Man. How lame!

In the meantime, this news about ABC's plan to offer some shows online--for free-- is pretty interesting.

Hello...Err...Goodbye Mollie Sue

I just partook in another "America's Next Top Model" conference call, this time with last night's eliminee Mollie Sue. She and Jade were the bottom two, and Jade got to stay because despite being ugly, nasty, and vindictive, she makes good TV. Mollie Sue was beautiful, but in the judges opinions, boring.

Granted, she flopped horribly during the commercial, but if the judges had been there for the improv lessons with the Groundlings, they would have seen that Mollie Sue was actually quite funny. Jade? Not so much.

I wish I could say Mollie Sue was full of personality during the conference call, but unfortunately that wasn't the case. That probably had a lot to do with the lackluster questions (and I didn't ask any, so I blame myself, too) but aside from some discussion of who she thinks should win (Danielle) and her favorite contestants from past seasons (Elyse) there wasn't much dish. She did say that the producers pretty much cast her as the "boring one," and kept her in that role despite her having a fine personality, thank you very much.

So, another pretty girl leaves the season, and we're still left with Jade. NOT liking the way this is going!

Image courtesy UPN.

Holy Crap

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Originally uploaded by gocarrt.

I stumbled upon this photo while working, and didn't think it could possibly be real.

Apparently it is, and there are a lot of photos out there of this beach in St. Maarten. You can see some of them here.

I'm getting a panic atack just looking at it.

Eminem? Also Crazy

Awesome.

I'm telling you, celebrity divorce is the new black.

Take These Eager Lips and Hold Me Fast

Singer Gene Pitney has died.

And if you're thinking to yourself, "Who the hell is Gene Pitney?" go download "Town Without Pity" right now. It's an awesome song.

Chad Michael Murray Is Crazy

I don't watch "One Tree Hill" and only know Chard--er Chad Michael Murray from his stint on "Gilmore Girls." But I do read the gossip pages, so I know about his marriage to actress Sophie Bush, who is also on "One Tree Hill," and how that marriage ended five months later.

And now there are reports that he is engaged again, to a girl who works on the show's crew.

She's also only 18 years old. And if you look at the photo in the story, it really looks like he's kissing a 12-year-old.

Creepy.

Speaking of April Fool's

Apparently the trailer for the "Simpsons" movie ain't a joke.

You Know I Hate April Fool's Day

But I have to admit, some of this TeeVeePedia made me laugh.