Cousteau: Mind of an Idiot

Did anyone watch "Shark: Mind of a Demon" on Wednesday? I'll admit I TiVoed it. And it was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen.

Jacques Cousteau's grandson, Fabien, had the brilliant idea of creating a submarine that looks like a great white shark in order to better observe great whites in their natural habitat.

Now, I could be wrong about this, but I was under the impression that sight is not the keenest sense a great white has. I mean, they seem to mistake surfers for seals on an almost daily basis. But drop some chum in the water and they come running...er, I mean swimming.

You see what I'm getting at?

Did he really think he was going to fool a bunch of sharks by making a fake shark? To the great white shark it might was well be a metal cage--neither is a fellow shark.

The majority of the hour-long special was devoted to watching Fabien get into the shark sub and watching it sink to the bottom of the ocean. Clearly, the genius of Jacques Cousteau has skipped a generation.

Kathy Griffin Shocker!

According to Janet Charlton, Kathy Griffin's apparent reconciliation with her husband was just a big lie perpetrated for the sake of her reality show.

I'm shocked. Shocked!

OK I'm not really that shocked. I'm just hopped up on cough syrup. Yeah, this cold is still kicking my ass. I hate, with a passion, coughing and then having to spit out a giant loogie. I think it's the most disgusting thing in the world. I've lived in my apartment for about 13 years now, and the entire time I've had a neighbor on the first floor who clears his throat, in the carving-out-a-loogie kind of way, that is so loud it literally, literally, shakes the windows. I'm not kidding. I've had to listen to that for over a decade, and now I've been reduced to the same behavior.

Truly, this is hell on earth.

I'll Believe a Man Can Fly, IF You Explain To Me How He Does It

Leaping tall buildings in a single bound? That I understand. But I never really understood just how it is that Superman can fly. And not only fly--because I'm willing to call a really long leap "flying"--but actually hover and float. Just how does he manage that?

I was hoping tonight's "The Science of Superman" would answer that question, but this review of the show doesn't give me much hope of that.

Illin'

I'm still sick. I don't feel like I'm dying or anything, mainly, it's just annoying. Having a head full of snot makes the simplest things, like SLEEPING, difficult. I have a bottle of codeine cough syrup left over from the last time I was sick, but it really doesn't seem to do much for me. I was still coughing all night. I think I will have to move on to some decongestants if I want to get through the next couple of days.

Here's some video of my cat illustrating how I feel. But be warned: it's the most boring cat video ever. She does nothing..and that's basically all she does these days. She's old.

Also, YouTube, WTF? Why does it sometimes take hours before a video you upload can actually be watched?

I Have a Colt...I'm a Little Horse

I have a cold. A COLD! It sucks. I don't feel lousy enough to warrant crawling under the covers and sleeping for the next three days, just bad enough that everything I do feels like a chore. Man. I hate colds. The worst part is I always end up with a lingering cough that lasts for months. In fact, I think I was JUST getting rid of the cough from my last cold.

Oh well. It being Tuesday I was going to comment on "Rescue Me," and its very controversial "was it rape?" scene from last week, but I haven't the strength. Instead I will just direct you to many of the articles that have swept the Internets since the show aired.

What's Alan Watching? discusses the episode: "Raping the shark"

The Chicago Tribune's take

Philadelphia Daily News' Ellen Gray "'Rescue Me' has a problem with women"

The Boston Globe: "An amazing 'Rescue Me'"

Writer Peter Tolan makes the mistake of trying to explain the episode on the Television Without Pity Forums...

...and then talks about that mistake with the Los Angeles Time

I Think Nicole Kidman's Father Is Happy For Her

But I can't be sure. [via]

How to Get the Guy Week Two: Electric Boogaloo

Enjoy.

America's Got a Lot of Time on Its Hands

The apparent success of "America's Got Talent," AKA "The Gong Show," and the continuing popularity of "So You Think You Can Dance," not to mention the phenomenon that is "Dancing with the Stars," well, it all makes me kind of sad.

I'm not going to deride anyone for liking these shows, and lord knows in the summertime, TV choices can seem rather slim. Also, I watch and love a lot of crap myself. It's just that I don't like these talent shows, but their continued success means that there will be more of them. More TV shows that I don't want to watch means less TV shows that I will want to watch. And that makes me sad.

Then again, perhaps I should look at it as a blessing in disguise. It's not like I NEED more TV in my life.

Revenge of the Search Terms

I haven't done this in a while and thought it was about damn time.

Here are some of the best search terms that have lead people to my blog in the past several months:

amy sedaris bruise photo
terri hatcher peeing on the tonight show (did that really happen?)
oscar the grouch on drugs (if that's a question, the answer is yes)
snuffalufugus porn (that must be porn that disappears the second someone walks in the room)
vincent d'onofrio RUMORS
strappped her to a chair
I WANT TO SEE LIVE CLIPS OF THE SHOW GROWING UP GOTTI (it's so cute to see the gotti boys googling themselves)
rabbit started screaming
michelle rodriguez's teeth
Chimps wearing diaper diapers (would be funnier if it were monkeys)
peed pants New Year's Eve (another Teri Hatcher search?)
steve martin wearing a diaper
how to "flash someone" boobs (is there really a "right way" to do this?)

And the always popular Eva Pigford selection:
eva pigford boyfriend
eva pigford's boyfriend
does eva pigford have a boyfriend?
eva pigford is pregnant
Dude. Whether she has a boyfriend or not, you don't have a chance. Forget it!

Please Help to Make My Addiction More Pleasant

I know most of you don't actually watch "Big Brother," but I do. (And sometimes, I really regret it.) This season is an "all-star" edition and the audience can vote some of the players into the house. (But not all, which is some total bullshit. But that's a rant for another time.)

So, I was hoping you guys could help a sister out and cast some votes for the people I want to see in the house. It's easy! Just go to the "Big Brother 7" site, click on a picture, and when that person's profile comes up, click on "Vote for Me."

These are the names to click on: Janelle, Kaysar, Howie, Will

Don't question my choices. Just vote blindly, like you would in any other election.

Thanks, kittens!

The Coreys

Someone has come up with the brilliant idea to give the two Coreys their own TV show!

Anyone who witnessed Corey Feldman's trainwreck appearance on "The Surreal Life," or saw that freaky Corey Haim interview on a local news station (see attached image) knows that this is going to be...AMAZING.

Every time I hear mention of the Coreys, I think of that "Simpsons" episode where Lisa calls the Corey hotline.

Hi, you've reached the Corey hotline. $4.95 a minute...Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: Gory. Story. Allegory. Montessori...

World Cup? What the Hell's a World Cup?

MY summer sports fun begins tonight, with the return of "Big Brother" on CBS at 8pm. It's an "all-star" edition this time around, but being that I didn't really watch nor care about the show until last season, the possibility of a return of Evil Dr. Will doesn't fill me with too much anticipation. If Kaysar and Janelle come back--and if their return also means further humiliation for "The Friendship"--well you can count me as one happy summer camper indeed.

In: Irish Twins - Out: Keeping it in Your Pants

Heidi Klum is preggers again, reports Us Magazine. Her last kid is 9 months old.

She'll probably be showing during the next season of "Project Runway," as she was last season. Perhaps they'll add a sexy maternity lingerie challenge to the line-up. And speaking of "Project Runway," the latest crop of designers has been revealed.

Kittens and Former Kittens

While I would love to provide video of that awesome Britney Spears interview, I can not. I can, however, provide some audio from the interview, combined with footage of me playing with a friend's supercute kitten, Philo. Enjoy!

Recappy Happy

My recap of "How to Get the Guy" is now up on SFist!

Be gentle on me. It's my first full-fledged recap. It was both fun and tedious to do...

Da-yaaaam!

Did anyone watch the Britney Spears interview on Dateline last night? Holy crap. It was 100 times better than I ever imagined it could be. First, she looked like absolute hell. Her face was greasy, her hair was uncombed, and she had a huge smudge over one eye. Could have been mascara, eyeliner, a false eyelash, who knows, but someone needed to run over to her with a damp Kleenex and get rid of it. Also, she was in trash clothes and tacky jewelry, and her boobs...oh, her boobs. Second, apparently the interview was conducted next to her refrigerator or something because there was a loud hum throughout the whole thing. Who lets something like that pass? Don't they do sound checks for things like this? Maybe Britney's breasts (which were on full display--FULL display) make that noise when she gets upset. Third, in trying to explain why she loves KFed, she kept saying, "He's just so simple. There's nothing complicated about him. Women make things so complicated, but he's simple." Awesome.

Lastly, she's just DUMB. Flat out. Trying to make excuses for driving with the baby on her lap ("My daddy used to do that with me! I'd be on his lap, pretending I was driving.") and almost dropping the kid on a New York street (her excuse for that was priceless. She talked about how her brother went to the hospital dozens of times as a kid because he was always getting hurt on his bike. "Stuff happens to kids, Matt!" Wrong, on so many levels) all the while chew, chew, chewing her gum.

I'm hoping the whole thing shows up somewhere at some point today (NBC has already cracked down on the clips on YouTube), but for now, here are some amusing takes on the interview.

Edited to add: Defamer's got some of the interview. It's a YouTube video, so might not be around for long, though. SociallyRetarded on YouTube seems to have the full thing in three parts, too. OR you could watch the whole thing on the TV TONIGHT as NBC will be reairing it at 8pm. Woot!

Cheri Oteri Alert!

I know I wrote about a collaboration between JJ Abrams and Cheri Oteri at some point on this blog, but because Google's blog search tool sucks, I can't find the actual post. Anyway, she was going to do a sitcom and JJ Abrams was going to produce it, but nothing ever came of it. Well, apparently it's still on, and she talks about it briefly in this "TV Guide" interview.

Neko Case Alert!

I totally forgot to mention this earlier, oh well, but Neko Case is on Letterman tonight.

Those who know who she is will appreciate this news. Those who don't know who she is should watch and find out.

The American Film Institute Has Way Too Much Time on Its Hands

AFI is airing another of its "100 Years..100 Whatevers" tonight at 8pm on CBS. This time it's "100 Years...100 Cheers," and that's not a rundown of 100 years of cheerleading movies (because, seriously, that begins and ends with "Bring It On"), instead the theme is "inspirational movies." In other words, a lot of movies by Steven Spielberg, and anything involving an Underdog Sports Team/Athlete That Wins Big, or Looses Graciously In the End.

I think they're running out of ideas. Personally, I can't wait for "100 Years...100 Spit-Takes."

Not That I'll Be Watching...

Tonight is the reality "stars" edition of "Fear Factor" in which Joe Rogan bitch slaps TAR's Jonathan.

Just in case you're interested in that kind of thing.

I Want a Lyrebird for Christmas

As featured on Boing Boing, here's video from a David Attenborough special featuring a Lyrebird, a bird that can mimic an amazing number of sounds.

It can't possibly be real, can it?

I Will Enjoy the San Francisco Dating Scene From the Comfort of My Own Sofa

I've got another SFist post up, and it's a brief bit about a San Francisco-set dating show that premieres tonight.

I've also promised to provide a full recap of the show, which I hope to publish in time for next week's episode. Yikes! I hope I can actually get that done, as an honest-to-goodness recap isn't something I've really attempted as of yet...

There's Always Next Year

I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions before seeing it, but I also have to be honest: I'm just not excited about "Cars." I have yet to not at least really like a Pixar movie, but "Cars" just does not hold any interest for me. I feel like I should trust them--they haven't really disappointed me yet--and yet, I can't bring myself to actually go see "Cars." And I LIKE cars. Not NASCAR, no, but I appreciate cars. And the whole Route 66 thing? So up my alley. And yet...and yet. None of the trailers or clips have made me laugh, and aside from Bonnie Hunt, I don't have the highest confidence in the voice talent, (seriously, Larry the Cable Guy?) There just hasn't been the pull that I've felt with all the other Pixar movies.

Which is why the trailer for Ratatouille made me so happy. There's the Pixar I love. AND Patton Oswalt as the voice of the Rat? Awesome.

Meerkats on Hind Legs and Whiskers on Kittens

These are a few of my favorite things.

I've got another SFist post up, and if some your favorite things are the same as my favorite things, you might want to read it.

Ah, Hex

As I mentioned in yesterday's SFist post, "Hex" premiered on BBC America. I watched it. I liked it.

Comparisons to "Buffy" are inevitable: a pretty blonde with supernatural powers must fight the forces of evil. Sound familiar? And it is indeed familiar, but not familiar enough to be called a rip-off (at least not at this point) but familiar enough to tap into my love of the spooky and the spunky (as in spunky heroines. Gah!) I love the setting in a creepy English castle that has become a private school (although I can't tell what kind of school it's supposed to be. The students all look older than teenagers, so perhaps it's a college?) Christina Cole, the actress who plays Cassie, the apparent heroine, keeps reminding me of Cherie Currie. I hope she breaks into a rendition of "Cherry Bomb" before the end of the series.

I'm not entirely clear just what the hell is going on, but it seems to involve some witches in the 1800s who are related to Cassie, and a demon or fallen angel or something, named Azazeal, who wants to bring the return of the Nephilim. Or something. Whatever it involves, it's creepy enough to keep me interested.

My only problem so far is the heroine isn't spunky enough. The true spunk can be found in her lesbian roommate, Thelma, who (SPOILER ALERT!) dies at the end of the premiere, but apparently comes back as a ghost for the remainder of the show.

I will definitely continue watching "Hex" Thursdays at 7pm. Looks to be a good bit of summer TV.

Google, Get It Together! Gah!

I mean, I know Blogger is a free product and all, but seriously. You're a yoooge company. You should be able to do better than this.

Gah squared!

Anyway, who knows how long I'll be able to get into Blogger today. Better make this short. A new SFist post is up, and it talks a bit about "Hex," a British show making it's US debut on BBC America tonight. I really, really hope it's a good show, because it sounds like a nice drama to spend the summer with.

Blogger, I'm Not Angry...Just Disappointed

Blogger has been down most of the day, much to my chagrin. But here's a brief SFist post. Better than nothin' right?

Janice Wants You!

I've got a new SFist post up now!

Let the summer of crappy TV begin!

Every Awesome Thing, Ever

Old to some, but new to me, is Secret Fun Spot, which holds a wealth of awesome things.

"Is She Pregnant? Is She Pregnant By Some Guy?"

Anna Nicole discusses the rumors about her being pregnant in this video [QT] on her site.

All I can say is...hooo boy.

Finally, a Post-"News Radio" Joe Rogan Does Something Worthwhile

According to the New York Post he punched former "Amazing Race" constestant Jonathan--of Jonathan and Victoria infamy--twice!--while filming a reality star edition of "Fear Factor."

There's a clip on the "Fear Factor" site, but I can't get it to work. Also, wasn't that crap show cancelled?