I'll Be Honest Wit Ya

I'm sure I don't need to tell you about the Mel Gibson arrest and his crazy talk. At this point, it's been covered to death. I do have to admit it didn't come as much of a surprise to me that Mel Gibson starts to rant about the Jews when he gets drunk. Seriously, is anyone shocked by that? But it did instantly bring to mind that Dana Gould bit where he talks about his dad, and his dad's shit-faced phrase. Take a listen. I think Mr. Gould and Mr. Gibson should get together for a happy hour sometime.

It's a Bloggy Birthday!

Hey ya! It's this here blog's second birthday! Hard to believe, ain't it? Soon it will be completely potty-trained!

Wow. Two years! Time sure flies when you're wasting it writing about truly insignificant stuff.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hello Doiley!

Man, there was so much good stuff going on at ComiCon this year that I don't even know where to begin. So I won't. Not that I went or anything. I have to make do with the local WonderCon, which just seems to pale in comparison. Of course, we don't have to deal with 100 degree weather and mile-long lines for our con, although the crowds are usually just as sweaty.

Here's one thing from ComiCon: A clip from the upcoming "Simpsons" movie. It's in the sketch phase, but still pretty funny.

Dirty Thirty

I need to start managing my time better so I can actually start writing a weekly column for SFist again. I did those "How to Get the Guy" recaps for three weeks, and the good thing about those was, while they took a hell of a long time to write, they didn't require a lot of planning. I didn't have to really think about what to write; I just wrote what popped into my head as I watched the show.

Of course, it's not like previous SFist posts have required a lot of intellectual thought, but they do require a little bit of planning. So hopefully by next week I'll have something up about what's worth watcing on the TV. (Also, SFist was voted the Bay Guardian's Readers Choice for Best Local Blog in their "Best of the Bay" issue today. Woo!)

Anyhoo, I know what I'll be watching tonight. "30 Days," Morgan Spurlock's reality series on F/X, returns at 10pm with an episode that pairs a "Minuteman" border patrol dude with an illegal immigrant for 30 days. I really liked the series last year. It was refreshingly different from the usual reality TV fare. Alas, I'm not sure what other episodes will bring us this season, aside from the episode where Spurlock goes to jail for "30" days. Apparently, he left before the full 30 days was over. Cheater!

Michael Mann Is An Idjit

Some might say that Mann is an idiot for deciding to make a big screen version of "Miami Vice" at all, but I say he's an idiot for not including the original theme song. Not the original, and not a cover. Nada. Being that hearing the original "Superman" theme during the credits of "Superman Returns" was probably the most exciting moment of that entire film for me, I think this is a bad idea. Of course, I might think otherwise if I thought the film looked any good, but I don't.

And when I say I think the film looks bad, I mean that literally. It LOOKS bad. Like his last film, "Collateral," Mann has shot this on HD video, and it looks like ass. It's dark and flat and full of everything that is bad about video. I watched the re-airing of the original "Miami Vice" pilot on NBC Saturday, and it was padded with lots of stuff from the new movie, and I was appalled at how bad it looked. Of course, every time I mention how bad I think movies shot on video look, most people look at me like I'm nuts because they can't tell a difference. And I all I can do is come back with an exasperated GOB inspired, "COME ON!"

"I Am Too Self Absorbed to Ever Stalk Anyone"

My favorite celebrity story of the past week has to be the saga of Dessarae Bradford and Colin Farrell. It's so awesome. Be sure to read Dessarae's personal site and check out her MySpace page so you can listen to her haunting song, "Colin Farrell Is My Bitch."

Hot Summer

I don't know what it's like in the City right now, but down the pennisula it's hot. Hot hot hot. I think this hot weather deserves an appropriate soundtrack, and nothing's hotter than Donner Summer in her disco days.

Check out this video of "Love to Love You Baby," featuring a totally awesome back-up dancer. I don't think I need to point him out to you, but he's the one dressed in white.



Edited to add: It came as no suprise to me to learn that this is from a Dutch TV show.

Freaky Friday

My cat was acting FREAKY this morning. I mean, more freaky than usual. Most mornings, she sleeps through my alarm and doesn't get up until I've made breakfast and am in the living room. But today she woke up about an hour before the alarm and just started meowing at me. This annoying meowing tends to happen when her food dish is empty, she's puked on the bed, or I've turned the front of her litterbox towards the wall (that only happened once, OK?) But none of that was going on this morning. So I got up and did my usual morning prep, and she continued to act...weird. And very skittish.

I don't know what's going on, but hasn't the weather been kind of...unusual lately?

When I was a kid I was totally terrified of earthquakes (let's face it, I still am) and my friends had a tendency to take advantage of that fear to try and scare me (I had mean friends). One day we were walking to a friend's house after school and they started to talk about how there was going to be an earthquake and they knew this because of the weather and because they saw some animals acting weirdly. Then they told me to take a look at an ant trail on the sidewalk. "See?" one of them said. "Those ants aren't walking in a straight line. They're walking CRAZY."

Of course now I realize that ant trails aren't always orderly, but back then I was convinced the big one was coming. I'm a lot saner now. I wouldn't take my cat's crazy morning antics to mean certain doom.

But I'm stocking up on bottled water, just in case.

Jessica Simpson Will Never Sing About ME

You can download a "personalized" version of Jessica Simpson's new song "Public Affair," in which your name will be included in the lyrics, if you're into that kind of thing. Needless to say, a version with my name is not available. Damn you Jessica Simpson!!!

Of course I, and a whole lot of other people, preferred the song the first time we heard it, when it was called "Holiday," and it was sung by Madonna.

And For the Record, That's Not Madonna Talking During the Song

(She may affect the fake British accent, but she's not THAT bad about it.)

I got no time, and not much time to say it today, so I thought I'd put up a video I re-watched the other day. I forgot how awesome it was.




Loves it! Yeah. Remember when Madonna's music was still kind of fun and not all Eurotrashy? Coincidentally, PopWatch talks about Madonna and her recent lack of a U.S. hit on their blog today.

I Hate What They Did to "Gilmore Girls." I Love What They Did to "Gilmore Girls."

Alan Sepinwall has a good interview with David Rosenthal, the new showrunner for "Gilmore Girls," (and as an aside, is it just me, or is the term "showrunner" a new addition to TV lexicon?) in which he talks about what went down last season, and what he has planned for the coming season.

I've made it known before that I really, REALLY hated how things turned out last season, and I tend to blame the Palladinos for that. We'll see what this "showrunner" does with it. But on the other hand the show's suckiness, and potential for continued suckiness, will just make it that much easier to say good-bye when the inevitable cancellation comes. I continue to believe that shows should NOT got out while they're still good--that just makes the loss of the show that much harder. Isn't it better when the show starts to suck, and you stop caring about it to the point that its cancellation warrants nothing more than an, "Eh. Whatever."?

CW? CW?!

This post has nothing to do with The Gap, or jeans, or country music. It is merely a place for me to scream about how incredibly awful I think the new CW Television Network is. It's the stupidest name for a TV network, ever. The network's "color scheme," an obnoxious shade of green, requires one to shade their eyes whenever one comes across a billboard or print ad, and the font used for the "CW" logo? Hello 1973!

Seriously. What were those people thinking? And apparently, I am not the only one incensed.

Eggcellent? No.

It's Monday. Despite sleeping most of the weekend, I am still incredibly tired. So, while it might not actually be a slow news day, it feels like one to me. Here's the only thing I found worthy of a link: CBS's fall advertising campaign.

Pink Ponies

Did you watch "The Daily Show" last night? Did you see the piece about San Francisco? No? Well, you can find a link to the video here!

Smoking Chimps

I remember reading a story a while back about a chimp in a zoo who was hooked on cigarettes. People talked about this like it was a new thing. In fact, when I was about two or three I went to the zoo in Baton Rouge--the saddest, most depressing zoo ever--and the chimps there smoked. Above is a photo taken during that trip; the one in the middle is tokin' on a smoke. (Click on the photo for a bigger view.)

Really, can you blame them? There's obviously nothing else for them to do, not even a lousy tire swing. Just a moat and some concrete. Hopefully some of the hippies who visited the zoo in its day tossed them a joint or two.

In and Out

I guess the pick hit for tonight's TV viewing is the return of "Project Runway" on Bravo. The casting special is on at 9pm and the first episode is on at 10. For the love of Tim Gunn, let's hope they crown a better winner than last season's Chloe, and her horrid "Dynasty"-inspired eveningwear. Yuck!

While I am happy to watch the show again, I'm a little worried it might suffer from the "Apprentice" curse. The last season was on mere months ago, whereas the break between season one and two was about a year. I think "The Apprentice" has taught us that more is not necessarily a good thing, and many attribute the continuing success of "American Idol" to its only being on once a year. But we shall see...

Suri With the Fringe on Top

Having no photographic proof of the existence of Suri Cruise, the conspiracy-minded have now taken to examining the birth certificate.

I think she'll soon be appearing on a grassy knoll in Dallas.

Here, Diagonally

VH-1's "I Love The 70s Volume 2" started tonight, and I'm excited. Of all the "I Love the..." shows VH-1 has aired, I got the most enjoyment from the first "I Love the 70s." I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it had a lot to do with seeing things that I really hadn't thought of in 30 years, and having instant recognition. It was fun, and also kind of spooky seeing how many TV commercials I could recite verbatim. Hopefully they'll come up with some good stuff for this one, and include hosts that were actually ALIVE during the 70s. Sheesh!

Farrah Moans

My latest, and perhaps last, "How to Get the Guy" recap is up on SFist. Read it before the site goes down again!

What's the Secret Word?

Don't forget: "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" re-runs are coming to the Cartoon Network tonight at 11:00pm! Episodes will be repeated at 2:30am.

No More Guy

Bad news for fans of "How to Get the Guy," or at least fans of my recaps. The show has been pulled, with only two more weeks to go!

Stupored

It's been a week since I saw "Superman Returns" and I think I finally have an opinion about it.

I didn't like it.

When it started, and I heard the music, and saw the titles that were just like the first two "Superman" movies, I was thrilled and excited. I'm a sucker for nostalgia. But then the nostalgia kept going on and on and on. It's like Bryan Singer was so busy paying homage to the first two movies, he forgot to come up with anything original. Yeah, seeing Clark crash into the farm, just like he did as a kid, was a nice throwback, but come on. Did it make any sense? Having to save Lois from a crashing plane--thus combining two events from the first movie--and then having Superman repeat that same line about air travel? Yeah. We've SEEN that before.

Did we really need another Superman movie with Lex Luthor as the villain? And if you're going to bring him back, couldn't you at least have him come up with a plan that wasn't just a take-off on the land-grab plan in the first film? (And if you're going to go that route, at least have the plan make some sense.)

There are more throwbacks than I care to mention, but I could possibly get past all of that if the movie was, as a whole, entertaining. And I was only entertained occasionally. There's nothing entertaining about Kate Bosworth's Lois Lane. She's just a total downer in a really bad wig. There's nothing spunky about her. Seeing Parker Posey up there as Lex's moll just made me wish SHE had the Lois Lane roll (and she even looks a little like Margot Kidder). Brandon Routh was actually OK, especially in his Clark Kent moments. Too bad they didn't give him some, I don't know, actual dialogue.

Ultimately, I found the whole movie depressing. There was no joy in it. The '70s Supermans have their flaws, but at least they were fun. I don't think Superman, as a character, really lends himself well to the same brooding that other superheroes go through. Yes, he's an alien, and he's alone, but ultimately, he just wants to do good. Truth, justice, and the American way. He IS a boy scout. He isn't Christ falling from the sky.

Suri, Santa, Emmy, and Britney

News! NEWS!

Us Magazine asks Where's Suri?, and I, for one, think we deserve an answer! Do Tom and Katie really expect us to believe that they've suddenly grown wary of the press? TomKat? Seriously? Either the baby doesn't exist, or it's just as I had dreamed about months ago: someone screwed up at the sperm bank and it's Chinese. Or, OR, that whole "silent birth" thing extends into the first year of the child's life and Suri is living in a cone of silence.

The Emmy nominations have been announced, and once again, they're a disaster. For years I've kind of pondered why I don't get as excited about the Emmys as I do the Oscars. I seem to watch more TV these days than movies. But then the nominations come out and I remember: the Emmys are completely clueless about what's actually GOOD on TV.

And in "is nothing sacred!" news, NBC is producing a live-action remake of "The Year Without a Santa Claus."

Finally, you don't have to worry about accidentally running across "Kevin and Britney: Chaotic" on your TV screen and subsequently having to poke your eyes out, because Britney is denying a second season is in the works.

TV News You Can Use...

and abuse!

Via TV Tattle, here are today's most interesting and perplexing news stories!

CBS "accidentally" turned on the live Big Brother feeds for an hour yesterday, thus revealing to those who were sitting at home listening to feeds that weren't supposed to be on, all the housemates that were voted in. I went ahead and spoiled myself and will only say I am both pleased and appalled by the selection. And let's hope there's no "penis slapping" incident like there was recently on Big Brother Australia. See for yourself.

Kathy Griffin says her husband stole $72,000 from her, and that's why she's divorcing him. Man, her show is such a sham!

Ben Stiller thinks his wife, Christine Taylor, is so interesting she deserves her own TV show, where she will essentially be playing herself. Only difference: in the series she's married to a "big movie star."

In "thank goodness" news, Milo Ventimiglia and Alexis Bledel have broken up, and Ventimiglia says it is unlikely he will return to "Gilmore Girls" to reprise his role as Jess. YAAAAAY!

Rumor has it, in an attempt to maintain her much-desired privacy, Britney Spears will be filming a second season of her "verite"-style reality show "Chaotic" with hubby KFed. Oh, Britney. Have you fired all your advisors and publicists? Is that what happened?

Roger Ebert is recovering after having emergency surgery this weekend.

And, Rob Corddry and his wife had a baby. "Come ahn Caaardree!"

Never Again

Yesterday I bought a printer/scanner at Target, along with some expensive sheets--no more two-thread count for me!--some towels, underwear, and a pair of work-out pants (for the life of me, I will never understand the need for "low-rise" work-out pants. Is your ass crack THAT sexy that you need to show it to the entire gym every time you bend over to stretch? I bought some plain old track pants at Old Navy, only to realize once I wore them to work-out, that there was no way anyone who walked by wasn't going to be seeing my underwear. Hate! HATE LOW RISE PANTS!)

What was I talking about?...Oh yeah. About how great Target it. Anyway, I got the printer/scanner thing (this model, which apparently uses too much ink, but I don't plan on using the printer feature that much, and having a scanner with it for the relatively low price of 80 bucks made it seem like a good one to get) and even though it's pretty compact, I still didn't have any room for it on my desk because of the monstrosity that was my unusable PC, a Compaq Presario I got about six years ago. I have been wanting to get rid of the thing ever since I got my iBook, over a year ago, but for a long time I had to use it to send out some emails because I couldn't figure out a way to transfer all of my email addresses. Eventually I managed to do that, but there were still a lot of photos and files I needed to transfer as well. So, needing the space, I finally decided to sit down and clean the computer out.

I was up until 4am.

I will never, NEVER, voluntarily purchase or use a PC again. I should have known the computer was going to lead to nothing but pain when getting it delivered was directly responsible for me falling on my face and getting a bloody nose. (A story for another time.) I knew the machine was hopelessly slow now because of all the adware and spyware I had picked up over the years by doing nothing more than searching the Internet, but I can't believe how evil and insidious that crap is. No matter how many remover programs I used, I could never get rid of all of it. (I'm also so, SO happy that when I started my new job that I opted to use a Mac instead of a PC. The majority of my job requires that I look at a lot of really bad, spammy Web pages, and I can't imagine the horrors that befall a PC when exposed to that crap.) Anyhoo, because of the sluggishness of my PC, it took forever to just boot and open folders, but I managed to transfer all of my photos and files to a Seagate pocket drive. Once that was done, (it took about two hours), I was ready to toss out everything else, and uninstall programs in the hopes that I could then do a restore and "return the PC to its factory condition." Uninstalling things led to a lot of freezing everytime I'd try and unistall some bit of adware. Needless to say, that took several hours, too.

In order to do the restore I needed the restore CD the machine came with. I thought that meant I was screwed, but after some searching, I actually located it. The rest seemed like it should be easy enough. Pop the CD in, restart the computer, and follow the prompts.

Ha. HA HA.

Everytime I would try and restart the computer with the CD in the drive, I got this nice mess.


Basically, I couldn't read anything on the screen, and it would keep flashing on and off. I don't know WHAT the hell that was about, but the whole restore thing was no longer an option. I had to just unplug it and get it the hell away from my desk once and for all. I was hoping I could donate it, but I really don't think it would be usable unless some PC wiz was able to do some kind of voodoo on it. That also leads me to the worry that somewhere on there my email password and other personal info is still accessible, so I might just have to drop the thing out a window and into a giant garbage can.

For now, it is sitting outside my front door, along with an unusable printer, an old typewriter, a REALLY old Mac monitor, and a rotting bookcase. Which leads to another thing. A month ago, my landlord slipped a notice under everyone's door stating that we are not allowed to store personal items in the building's common areas. We had until July 2nd to move the stuff, and anything that remained on that date would be taken to the dump by our landlord. Along with the aforementioned junk, I also keep my bike chained up outside my front door, but that's the only thing that's out there that I'd want to keep. All the other stuff is there because I don't have room for it in the apartment, and don't have a way to bring it to a dump or Goodwill myself. In other words, the landlord would be doing me a favor by taking all that crap to the dump.

I prepped for the second of July by bringing my bike inside, and tossing some of the junk that was easy to get rid of, like boxes and books (which I brought to the Laundromat next door. It's kind of become a little book trading area in the 'hood).

The second of July came and went, and my junk is still out there. I don't know what happened. Maybe they saw my pile of junk and realized that by taking the stuff they wouldn't just be being mean, but would, in fact, be helping me out, and decided, as landlords so often do, that there's nothing in it for them if they do a tenant a favor. Either they're going to show up some day, unannounced, and take it all away--including my bike, which is back outside--thus ruining my life, or send me a notice saying I need to get rid of it all myself. Which just leads back to the issue of not knowing where to bring this crap. I could use a place like 1-800-Got-Junk, but their minimum charge is $129, and that's a lot of cash to get rid of not a lot of stuff.

So. Here it is, July Fourth, and I've got a residual headache and backache from last night, I have even more junk I need to get rid of than I did a week ago, and I blame it all...on...PCs.

Update: One of the sheets was full of stains...Damn you, PCs!!

How to Get the Guy: The Turd Episode

Today's a holiday! And so is tomorrow! Don't expect much bloggy action from me, but you can read my third recap of "How to Get the Guy" up on SFist now!