Tori Update

Things between her and her mother remain frosty.

Oh, I kid! Not THAT Tori. MY Tori, of course.

Well, the news is not that great. She has kidney disease, as happens to many older cats. Not much can be done aside from making sure she gets plenty of fluids, and maintains a low-protein diet. Since I can't force drinks down her throat, I have to give her subcutaneous fluids--and honey, that ain't no picnic! Take a look.

I did it at the vet's and it went OK, but I think that had a lot to do with the fact that she was frozen with terror. We'll see how she responds tomorrow with her next dose.

I think the only bright side for her is she will now be eating only canned food, which she loves. Of course, it's prescription, so hopefully she'll love it as much as Fancy Feast.

Man. Pets. There's just no getting around the fact that one day they will totally break your heart.

Carolyn, You're Fired

Does anyone watch "The Apprentice" anymore? Does anyone care? Well, I found it shocking to hear that Trump fired Carolyn! Apparently, fame "went to her head," which is, you know, totally inappropriate when your boss is Donald Trump, one of the humblest men in the business world.

His daughter Ivanka will take Carolyn's place, which isn't as horrible as it sounds. She was actually pretty smart in the few episodes she appeared in last season. But still. Carolyn was pretty awesome. Yet another reason to stop watching the show completely.

So Long Microfiche

As linked to in EW's Popwatch, the LA Times has put up an interactive display of its original newspaper clippings pertaining to the Black Dahlia murder. Check it out here.

This is, of course, tied in to the movie "The Black Dahlia," which comes out on September 15th. Unfortunately, it was directed by Brian DePalma, which means it's going to suck.

It's based on the book by James Ellroy which is, while not brilliant, certainly an entertaining fictional take on the Black Dahlia case. I remember after I read it as a teenager I immediately went down to the library and looked at a bunch of newspapers on microfiche and read all the original articles about Elizabeth Short and her murder. It was quite fun; it almost felt like going back in time. Now all of that is available with the click of a mouse, and I suppose that's progress, but it's not nearly as exciting as playing make-believe detective and combing through all those old stories yourself while sitting in the back room of an old, marble library.

Edited to add: Of course, the Internet makes it easier to learn about kooky theories and suspects, like this one that says Orson Welles may have been the killer.

Ru-Ro

My TiVo is acting up. Some of its recordings are impossible to watch, with the image and audio freezing in fits and starts. Last night it was happening while I was watching the season finale of "Rescue Me," and I got so frustrated that I pounded on the TiVo box, and shook it a little. And whaddya know, it helped. I'm sure I didn't fix it, and it will probably start happening again, so I need to start looking into getting a new box. The question is, do I get a dual tuner box? Or one that records DVDs? Unfortunately, no matter what kind of box I get, it will have to be a Series 2 machine, and I don't like that. Yes, Series 2 offers a lot improved features, but it can also allow stations to limit how long you get to keep a recording before you watch it.

In other, more important news, it seems my kitty might be sick. She's got a little pee problem, meaning she's peeing a LOT, and sometimes she doesn't seem to make it off of my bed in time to get to the litter box (ugh!). I am hoping it is nothing serious, and just the result of her being 16 years old. But I also have to face the fact that she is 16 YEARS OLD, and odds are, she won't continue to live her later years as illness-free as she has been. (She's been an amazingly healthy cat.)

So, I won't say more about that until after her vet appointment today, but keep those fingers crossed for her, won't you?

Coo-Coo Ca Chaw!

"Arrested Development" season three comes out on DVD today! Buy it! Buy it now! Only 20 bucks at Amazon!

And if you don't go and buy it we all know it's because you're a big chicken.

What Would McGruff Do?

Last night was a spooky evening. First, at around seven, whilst paying some bills, I heard some odd pounding coming from somewhere in the building. This was shortly followed by some high-pitched moaning, and it didn't take me long to figure out what that was all about. That's not the spooky part--although it is odd that that's the first I've heard of such activity since I moved into the building some 13 years ago.

The spooky part was later, at about 10 p.m. I was watching an episode of "Veronica Mars" on DVD (the second season came out this week, which means I'll actually be all caught up by the time season three starts, woo!) Suddenly I heard some really, really loud screaming. Like, terrified screaming. And it wasn't followed by the usual gales of laughter you get when you hear screaming on the street which tells you you're just dealing with a bunch of drunks. No, this was three long, agonized "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!"s, followed by silence. Sometimes you just get a feeling and know when something's not right.

Now, what is one supposed to do in a situation like that? Go outside and investigate? Perhaps, if you're a huge man with a baseball bat, which I'm not (I swear). Or do you call the police? And tell them what? That you heard screaming, but aren't sure where it came from, and didn't actually see anything happen?

Instead I opened my window and looked around. I didn't see anyone on the street, and didn't hear any more cries. I saw someone across the street doing the same curious head poke out his window, but he soon closed the window and went back to his life. I kept the window open for a while, and the DVD player off, but didn't hear anything else suspicious.

It creeped me out, though! When I finally went to bed I had a hard time falling asleep. Usually I sleep with ear plugs, but if there really was some crazed killer going door to door, I wanted to be able to hear him coming, so the ear plugs stayed out. And of course every sound I could then hear spooked me out.

Eventually I fell asleep, and today I checked the SFPD crime map to see if anything had been reported in my hood. Nothing was (so far).

But leaving my apartment this morning, I did hear screams of another, previously-mentioned kind. Looks like the ear plugs will be returning tonight.

Almost as Pointless as the Grammys!

The Emmys are on Sunday and I, along with, apparently, the rest of the world, don't give a crap. There are many articles out there today talking about how awful the whole Emmy thing is, and I tend to agree with all of them.

For me, there is only one reason to watch the Emmys, and that is to see the video compilations the nominees in the Best Writing, Variety, Music or Comedy Program category come up with. Here's last year's.

Auf-ul

Ooooooooo, but last night's "Project Runway" made me mad!! First off, Jeffrey is an ASS. The minute you make someone's mom cry, you lose all points with me. Second, all the whining that came from the designers when they were faced with the challenge of designing for "everyday women" was pathetic. (And it was cruel how the "thinner" women were all picked first!) The resulting designs were predictably fugly.

You want to know how to design for "bigger" women? You take a design you would normally do AND YOU MAKE IT BIGGER! I can't tell you how many times I've gone clothes shopping and found many, many items that would look great on me, if they came in my size!! I'm not skinny, but that doesn't mean I don't have a waistline or legs. I don't want to wear a long, shapeless, flowing sack. How on earth is that "flattering"? It isn't flattering, it's camouflage, and in actuality, it isn't even that. You aren't fooling anyone if you're wearing a shapeless mumu, we all know you're big. So why not wear something...normal?

Ah, but there's the rub. Normal clothes aren't offered, and hence the larger woman must fall back into the flattering-on-no-one mumu.

OK, flattering on ALMOST no one.

Ill Town

I haven't been saying much about "Big Brother" this season because it's been kind of disappointing. I'm still watching religiously, of course, but it's been hard to watch the players I so loved one year ago screw it up so royally.

Having not seen season two, I didn't get to witness the first coming of Evil Doctor Will, but I have to admit, the boy has mad skillz when it comes to manipulation. It's really quite astounding how people who KNOW how he plays this game keep falling for his lies. Why would anyone in their right mind EVER trust him? And yet, everyone on this show has done just that, over and over. It's quite impressive.

The only bad thing about Dr. Will is he comes with a horrible sidekick named Mike "Boogie." The amount of hatred that seethes into me every time he's on screen frightens me. I hate him with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. This is a grown man who apparently dresses in nothing but baggy basketball uniforms and track suits, wears his hats at "crazy" angles, and climbs into a box in the backyard to masturbate.

Don't believe me? Watch, if you dare.



Ugh. I am scarred for life. Now, I know that he's not the only one to wack it in that shack (which, actually makes it even worse!) but it's that combined with the horrible pale, big-nosed visage that is Boogie that makes it absolutely vomit-inducing.

If he wins the money, I might just have to shoot myself.

Comcast Is a Republican

Last night, my digital cable blacked out during "The Daily Show," half of "The Colbert Report," and sporadically during Nancy Pelosi's appearance on "Letterman." Coincidence? Not bloody likely.

Also, I am supposed to have the "gay" channel Logo, and even though it's listed on my line-up, I don't actually get the channel. AND--and I don't know how this is related quite yet--I was given two new channels a few weeks ago, "Retroplex" and "Indieplex," and then suddenly this week, they've disappeared.

COMCAST!!

Earlier this week while I was working at home I got a call from some Comcast shill trying to sell me their phone and Internet plan, and I kept saying I wasn't interested. Then she asked me if I was happy with my Comcast service--I imagine hoping that I would say yes, at which point she could say, "Well, imagine getting that same great service for two other things!"--and when I said actually, I am not at all pleased with my Comcast service, the phone went silent, and I thought she had hung up. She eventually stammered something about being sorry about that, and "I, uh, hope you are able to resolve the problems."

I haven't bothered calling them yet because I don't feel like losing half of my life to waiting on hold, but I think I will have to call soon since the Fall TV season is fast approaching!

Pants

I've got a lot to say, and not a lot of time to say it, so until I find that time, why don't you watch this.

Two Thumbs!

I always knew the review blurbs they slap on advertisements were a little suspect, but this takes the cake. Read the quote on the above DVD cover ("I can not ignore it, nor can I deny that it affected me strongly...the movie works,") and then read Roger Ebert's zero-star review of the movie.

You kind of have to admire the balls on the marketing folks at that DVD company.

Monday Monday

Got a lot to do today, so this SFist post is probably all I'll get to, at least until tonight.

"Guess Some People Are Turned on By Brylcreem."

First, have you heard that "Cracked" magazine is back? In a weird "National Lampoon" meets "Details" format? Jury's still out on that, but they did manage to compile an awesome collection of video clips called The 5 Most Obviously Drug-Fueled TV Appearances Ever. Included is Crispin Glover's infamous Letterman appearance and a truly mind-blowing 13 minute interview with a totally coked-out Richard Pryor.

Tribute to a True American Hero

I've got a brief post up on SFist about the greatest man who ever lived...

Zanger Bob Will Eat You

I just can't get enough of Dutch pudge Zanger Bob. I guess no one had any luck deciphering the lyrics to the last song, so maybe this one will be easier. This YouTube clip is titled "Laat de zon weer schijnen," so I'm assuming that's the title or the chorus in the song. Enjoy.

I said ENJOY!

Rock Star Makes Me Sick

OK, I can't blame the show, but I am sick today, and I did watch "Rock Star" last night...

No, it's not the show's fault. I have been feeling sick for the past two days, and last night, during a fit of insomnia, and perhaps illness-related insanity, I took it upon myself to rant about "Rock Star." I have since posted the result over on SFist for all to mock.

You Gotta Love the Dutch

Apparently this pudgy kid who can't sing a lick is a huge hit in Holland, which comes as no surprise. I was hoping one of my Dutch-speaking readers might be able to translate some of the song. But barring that, I still think you'll get a kick out of it.

Teh Crazy

I bought the Gnarls Barkley CD this weekend. Exciting, huh? I like it. I don't love it--so far there are only two songs on it that I could listen to over and over, and I think an album needs about four songs that I can listen to over and over for me to say I love it.

But I do love them as a concept. There just aren't enough bands out there that wear costumes. Last night they were on Letterman dressed as school boys, and who can forget their awesome appearance on the MTV Movie Awards?

A Hex on BBC America!

It's taken a few weeks for the truth about the final episodes of the series "Hex" to set in, namely that despite the series being over and done with in Britain, with all episodes aired and now available on DVD, BBC America has decided to hold off playing the final episodes of the series until NEXT SUMMER. The show is good, but it's not so great that it warrants that much of a build-up to the end. A year? Please. And to make matters worse, it won't even be a full season. Instead, they just cut season two into two parts, and the final eight or so episodes are what will be airing next year.

If I had a region-free DVD player, and a place to rent DVDs from different regions, I'd just go ahead and finish the damn show. And I'm sure a lot of people will do just that, or seek out the eps on Bittorent. So, good move there BBC America.

The End of an Era

The awesome show "Blind Date" has been cancelled along with the slightly less awesome "Elimidate."

OK, maybe "Blind Date" isn't that awesome, but my TiVo sure seems to think I love it because it manages to record almost as many episodes of it as it does "Cops."

For your enjoyment, here's a segment from "Blind Date" featuring Howie from "Big Brother." Painful.

Welcome to My Nightmares, Tonight Featuring CAPPY

"Big Brother" fans, in case you haven't heard, last night's HOH competition was staged again (and I use the term "staged" pointedly) because of the technical difficulties that occurred the first time around (that whole "buzzer" thing). The new HOH comp and results will air on Sunday, but if you want to find out who won, you can read about it here.

Oh, the scandal! And let me just say, "Big Brother," you are on my list notice for bringing Cappy back into my living room, if even just for a moment. Bastards.

Edited to add: That awesome Stephen Colbert "On-Notice" board. Make your own here!

The TV Gods Are Listening

Yesterday I said I hoped that someone would re-air the documentary "9/11" for the Sept. 11th anniversary, and it looks like CBS will be doing just that on September 10th. This will be an updated version containing recent interviews with the men featured in the movie. Get ready to set those TiVos!

Ridiculously, there's some concern that if CBS airs the version uncut, they'll be fined because of the film's profanity.

Once again I ask, WTF?

Seriously, if anything warrants a response of "HOLY SHIT!" it's seeing a huge plane crash into a skyscraper. How could anyone watch that documentary and come away from it thinking, "That would have been a lot better if those firemen didn't use the f-word so much."

WTCWTF?

I'm kind of surprised that Oliver Sone's "World Trade Center" is getting such good reviews. It's an Oliver Stone movie, starring Nicolas Cage fer cryin' out loud! Methinks many reviewers are mistaking the emotional reactions the film is bringing up in them as evidence of the film's greatness, instead of just emotions brought up by remembering the events of the day. Or maybe that's just me. I know I got a little teary-eyed when I watched the film's trailer, and I also know it had nothing to do with the movie, and everything to do with September 11th, 2001.

I have no plans to see the movie, although I might when it comes out on DVD. Personally, I think the only movie that "needed" to be made about 9/11 has already been made, and that's the Naudet brothers' amazing documentary "9/11" which aired on CBS six months after Sept. 11th, and repeated on the first anniversary. It's available on DVD, but I'm hoping someone will air it again for the fifth anniversary next month. The version that aired on CBS is available online, albeit in the usual crappy video quality of most online videos. You can watch it here.

For those who haven't heard about it, the two French brothers who made the film were making a documentary about a NYFD "probie" when September 11th came around. They caught on video the first plane hitting the tower, and one of the brothers followed the firefighters into the WTC, and he was there, camera rolling, when the first tower collapsed. And he caught it all on tape. Like I said, it's pretty extraordinary. If you are going to watch ANYTHING about 9/11 on this upcoming fifth anniversary, I really think this should be it.

Please To Watch

I need to stop writing posts that are just excuses for me to put up YouTube clips.

Maybe tomorrow.

Today = Ick

Today was ick. I had a low-grade headache all day and I was in constant fear it would turn into a migraine. Luckily, it didn't. Instead I was just overcome with fatigue; I could barely keep my eyes open most of the day. I felt just like this:



So now I'm busy making up for the hour of work where I DID actually fall asleep. Doh!

The Scent of Love

As reported on Defamer, you might want to catch VH-1's "Flavor of Love" because apparently there will be more than just spitting this time around. I could beat around the bush, and allude to what happens this season, but I won't. I'm just gonna say it.

One of the girls takes a crap on the floor.

And you know what? I think that's all that needs to be said about that.

MTV Is 25, and LOVES It

In case you hadn't heard, MTV turned 25 this week. Of course, they didn't make a big deal about it on MTV lest they scare away all the viewers who have yet to hit an age where they can binge on booze legally. Instead, the nostalgia was left to ugly stepchild VH1 Classic, which re-aired MTV's first day of broadcasting. They'll re-air the programming this Saturday at 9am.

I TiVoed a couple of hours, and was disappointed to see they were only running the videos, and none of the in-between video VJ schtick. Lame! It would have been much cooler if they just ran the whole thing, VJs, videos, and 80s commercials, included. Instead there was just a bunch of really bad videos, many of the same ones aired over and over. There's only so much Rod Stewart a person can take.

Nothing to See There

I wrote a short SFist post yesterday and forgot to link to it, which is too bad because the videos I included in it are no longer available. Doh!

Project Runway, Your Jockstrap Is Showing

I cannot BELIEVE that the pictured outfit was one of the winners on last night's "Project Runway." WTF? What is with that shirt? Are those straps? On the bottom of that shirt? Are those supposed to wrap under her legs and turn into a dress? Or is she supposed to pull them over her shoulders for a double-layered monstrosity?

Truly fug.

The Ballad of Rainy Bobby

I went to Malibu Grand Prix with my friends Sean and Mariah last weekend to play some mini-golf and drive some race cars.

The mini-golf was much more thrilling.

The wait to get into a car was excruciating, and then once you got in a car, you had to wait in a line of cars before you could actually go around the track. It was about as exciting as driving through the toll plaza at rush hour.

Here, see for yourself.

Yikes

Yeah, I felt that. And no sir, I don't like it!!

Presented in Craptacular Stretch-O-Vision

The pilot for Aaron Sorkin's "SNL" drama "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" has been "leaked." You can find it on BitTorrent or on YouTube. Here's the first part. If you like it be sure to watch parts two, three, four, and five. Stupid YouTube and their limits!

Po' Boy, Mmm-hmmm

I'm going to New Orleans!

I'm not going until November, and I will be in Baton Rouge for part of the trip which, aside from the presence of some dear family, is a slightly less-exciting city to visit, but still, I'm totally excited. And I can't help it, but the one thing I keep thinking about is having a huge po' boy the day I get there. (And the day after, and the day after that. And on the fourth day: Mufaletta!) If you've never had a po' boy in New Orleans, you've never had a po' boy, chump.

Of course, I can't help but think about the fact that we've got three more months of hurricane season to get through before November comes along.

*gulp*