Battle of the Network Famewhores

Here's why Bravo's Battle of the Network Reality Stars is lame.

First, the best thing about the original "Battle of the Network Stars" was that it took TV stars and put them into a situation that was so obviously not their element. Sure, it also provided fans with an opportunity to see their favorite stars in nipple-accentuating swimsuits and ball-baring Speedos, but I think the real draw was the potential to see famous people totally embarrass themselves on national TV. (Or totally surprise us by doing the complete opposite. GABE KAPLAN.)

This new version places "stars" (let's not get started on that) into situations that, for the majority of the teams' players, are old news. Most of these people got their fame by competing in relatively lame physical competitions, and really, do we need to see Richard Hatch running another obstacle course? I don't think so.

Which leads to the obvious idea of creating a new version of "Battle" that, once again, features real stars.

I don't think it would be nearly as fun.

Let's face it. Stars today are a hell of a lot healthier and fitter than they were in the 70s and 80s, and that negates the whole "looking foolish" fun of the show. I suppose watching the "King of Queens" cast racing around the track could be good for a laugh, sure, but then Jennifer Garner would just com speeding up behind them (while 8 months pregnant, no less!) and *yawn,* there's "Alias" winning ANOTHER competition.