Where Is Everybody?

More specifically, where am I?

Well, I'm on vacation. And while I haven't actually GONE anywhere, I am not by my computer much, nor will I be for the rest of the week. Come the 4th of the new year, things will get back to normal, but until then, this little blog will be pretty silent...

So Happy New Year! And please to enjoy this week's SFist post...

Merry Christmas!

And I'll let Martha say the rest...

Don't Forget!!

Tomorrow is Festivus ! Get out the silver pole and prepare to air those grievances! But hold the tinsel. Tinsel is distracting.

It's not too late to send out those Festivus cards. Here are a couple of places you can find some.

There's Just Too Much to Do

Why am I forced to sit here in the office when no one else is here and nothing's really getting done? Well, thankfully, this is my last day at work until January 4th, which is just too awesome. Come tonight, the frantic catching up begins, with more last minute shopping, and knitting, and fretting.

But since I have a few minutes I thought I'd share a few photos.

Last Saturday I had a small Christmas party. (Small being the operative word. You can't get more than 6 people in my place without it turning into a scene out of a Marx Brothers movie.) Doesn't my place look nice and warm and slightly brothel-ish?

My tree is ridiculously large. Every year I tell myself I'll get a shorter one, or if I can't get a shorter tree, I'll at least get a thinner one. And every year I end up with a ginormous tribute to Christmas crowding me out of my living room. (I wish you could see what was on the TV when I took this photo, as it was--I swear!--a monkey getting a bath.)

In the end, I love having that 6+ foot tree in my window. Where else could I hang all those lights and adored ornaments?

But I'll admit, come January 1st, I usually can't wait to get that thing out of there and reclaim the little space I already have. The Christmas spirit, she is a fickle mistress...

It Is Amazing the Things He Can Do

If Jonathan was talking about his amazing feats of assholery, then I have to admit he has a point.

Last night's Amazing Race was a step up from last week in that Jonathan finally got some of what's coming to him (watching him get kicked out of that cab was all kinds of satisfying.) I really, really, REALLY hope they get eliminated soon. I don't care if he ends up sobbing in a pile of his own filth after some roadblock, no amount of humiliation he might experience is worth me having to see him wander around Europe shirtless and screaming at the locals anymore.

As for Lori and Bolo, I hope the odd "To be continued" nature of this episode means that their fate isn't so clear-cut, as it would seem there's just no way they aren't heading towards eminent elimination. I like them. I like them a hell of a lot more than the aforementioned team, and Kendra and Freddy, that's for sure. And I certainly wouldn't mind seeing Bolo shirtless at least one more time...

Warning: Bad Pun Ahead

This week's SFist column is up. Go there now! Yule not be disappointed!

(Sorry. I just can't help myself.)

Don't Worry. She's Fine. (She Just Walked Into a Door...)

Don't forget, tonight's episode of "The Amazing Race Towards Vilification" airs tonight at 8:00pm and not 9:00pm.

Apparently producers told jerkwad Jonathan to cut it the hell out after the shoving incident in Berlin. We'll have to watch and see if he actually listened.

Meanwhile, on their site, Victoria maintains that she's "fine."

I'm Freakin' Out Here!

I mean, Christmas is only a few days away!! I have so much to do! How can I possibly get it all done AND still watch the important TV that needs to be watched?

Well, I think the TV gods understand this dilemma, and they have thankfully kept this week pretty clear of important TV events (except for The Amazing Race, of course, which will air tomorrow at 8:00pm and not 9:00pm, so be sure to make a note of it!) and are instead packing the week with re-runs. *Phew.* I have never been so thankful that there is nothing good on TV to watch.

The Most Thrilling!....Boardroom!....zzzzzzz

As boring as it was, I've got a little more to say about the "Apprentice" finale over on SFist...

Ummmm....Pigford?

America's Next Top Model's last name is Pigford.

Oh Eva. I'm so sorry! And I really hope you go the "Twiggy," "Verushka," and "Iman" route and just go by "Eva" from now on. We promise to throw in "The Diva" whenever we can.

You're Fired. You're Hired. *Yawn*...I'm Tired

Could that Apprentice finale BE any longer? Sheesh! Donald polling each member of the 1,000 seat audience. The breakdown by his Chief Operations Manager (what was THAT all about?!) The unwelcome return of Omarosa. The O'Jays screwing up the ONE song they got to sing. The damn show would. Not. End.

And Kelly won. Blah blah blah big woop.

Cinderelly

The long-lost original live TV broadcast of Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella, starring Julie Andrews, will be airing tonight on PBS at 7:30pm. (A rerun will air Sunday at 11:30am.)

I remember seeing re-runs of the made-for-TV movie version starring Lesley Ann-Warren, but apparently, this Julie Andrews version hasn't been seen since its 1957 broadcast. I'm not a big fan of musicals, but I'm still kind of excited to see this. It'll be a little like watching a piece of TV history, in all its grainy, black-and-white glory...

Want a Free TiVo?

You know you do. And as reported by the fine folks at SFist, one can be yours if you are a Comcast cable subscriber and you show up at their headquarters in Alviso (?!) tomorrow morning. Awesome.

He Was Deeply Sadden [sic sic and double sic]

Well, Jonathan attempts to apologize for his "Amazing Race" antics on his site and manages to come off as a bigger idiot than ever. "I was deeply sadden"? And "what you see is a heighten version of stress and obsession mix with medication for a sickness called Sarcoidosis..."?

OK. Is that medication called "crack"? Because his behavior really comes across as the insanity of someone on a coke binge.

I Want More Than Seven Inches.

Dude. I didn't say that. Adam on last night's The Amazing Race did. And that was the high-point of an otherwise disturbing episode. Kendra's comments about how the people in Senegal "just keep breeding and breeding" was jaw-dropping, but it was nothing compared to the behavior of lord-king-douchebag Jonathan as he pushed and screamed at his wife in the race to the finish line because, God forbid they should come in SECOND!!! Of course there's no mention of this on their "blog" but I recommend using the site to send him a nasty email. Or better yet, a nice computer virus.

For a really good recap of the episode that includes a video clip of the disturbing moment, be sure to check out the always fabulous TVGasm.

You Didn't Hear About the Polar Bear?

Don't forget: ABC is re-running the two-hour premier of Lost tonight at 8. Tuck in the the neighbors and wake the kids, because it's a hell of a show!

It's Like a Shiney New Christmas Present!

I tried to make the site a tad more Christmas-y. I hope you like it. I'm not sure if the Pepto-Bismol pink will return after the new year, but we'll see...

Queer Eye For the Yuletide

Bravo's The Christmas Special Christmas Special, hosted by Carson Kressley, premieres tonight and will no doubt continue to air ad naseum until January. While it sounds a little too postmodern for its on good, I have to admit to being a sucker for clip shows of any sort. Throw in the Christmas factor, and I'm in.

You Know What? I Forgot to Eat Lunch.

And I think I'll take care of that right now. But I wanted to let you know that my weekly SFist post is up and ready for your consumption...

The Baby Jesus Was Unhurt

This has got to be the raddest nativity scene ever.

I'd Sell It to Slugworth

People seem to be abuzz over the trailer for Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Me? Meh.

Tim Burton can make a purdy movie, but watching his films I always feel like he gets carried away with that, and then midway through he remembers that he's supposed to be telling a story, but by that time it's too late and it's a mad rush to the finish. Plus I LOVE the original so that automatically makes me biased against this remake.

New Year's Rockin' Eve with...Regis Philbin?

I haven't watched it in forever, but it was nice knowing every year that some things don't change. Like the dropping of the ball in Times Square, and Dick Clark's hair color. But I guess he's still too ill to count down the night, and Regis Philbin is set to replace him.

The thought of having to see Regis every New Year's for the next 32 years? Terrifying.

Screwed

About three days ago, my home computer was attacked by spyware and adware and is now completely f*cked. Slower than molasses in winter, and can't run a spyware removal program without it crashing. I want to just pick up the damn thing and throw it out my window, but instead I just sit and scream at the screen while pounding my fists on the desk. I wonder what my neighbors think?

So, posting has been relegated to the daytime hours, which blows. Speaking of blowing, the Survivor: Vanuatu finale is this Sunday. I was so incredibly bored by this season, so don't much care, although the TiVo is set. I just can't believe that Scout, a woman who can't walk across the beach with wincing, has made it to the final four. Insane.

Life's a Glitch, Then You Die

I truly feel bad for the dude, but all this talk about Dick Clark's stroke and his New Year's Eve show keeps reminding me of that Simpsons episode about the Y2K bug, and how Dick Clark turns out to be a cyborg.

I know. I'm goin' to hell.

*Phew*

Rumors of Vincent's imminent removal from "L&O:CI" have been exaggerated, which is, you know, awesome because with his recent breakdowns, I bet his Goren character will appear even nuttier in upcoming episodes...

The Second Coming of Martha

Man, I can not WAIT until Martha Stewart gets out prison and hits the airwaves again with a vengeance. She'll be a tougher Martha (is that possible?) and I bet a lot of her crafts will involve the use of a shiv.

It looks like plans are already underway and some shows are in the works. I just wish she had the guts to host a Christmas special from prison. (Actually, I think she probably does have the balls to do that, I just bet the prison wouldn't look too kindly on it.)

Ah, To Live In a Snow Globe

You can read my latest entry on SFist now, although it's pretty short and not much different from the latest entries here. But it's worth checking out for the pretty accompanying photo...

All You Baby Dolls, and Lucy Lius, and Linuses, and Snoopys

It's pretty long, and it's not the best put together of clips, but I can't help but laugh at this combination of Peanuts dance moves and "Hey Ya!". [requires a download to view]

Tuesdays With Willie

I had to get to work earlier than usual today (and thank goodness that massive storm that was supposed to make the morning commute a living hell blew over in the middle of the night) and who should come strolling up to my stop but Da Former Mayor himself. That's right! Mr. Fancypants takes the bus just like us normal slobs. He's of the people, people. And as he told us at the bus stop, he could hire a car, but that would cost 50 bucks!! He can't waste money on crap like that. He needs to save it for his Louis Vuitton briefcases and snazzy hats.

And when he got off the bus he took a cell phone call right in front of a homeless guy who bowed before him for the entire conversation. Klassy!

Mondays Blow

I can't tear myself away from work today, and don't even get me STARTED on that. So for lack of anything else, here's a Christmas link for the day. ZuZu!

Creepy AND Christmasy!

Subscribers to "Musty TV" are most likely already aware of this, but I wanted to make sure the rest of you know that there is a Rankin-Bass marathon on the Fox/ABC Family channel Saturday. Basically they're airing every just about every friggin' Christmas special the puppetoony duo ever made, save for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, which is firmly entrenched in the death grip of CBS.

The fun starts tomorrow at 2:00pm.

Just, No

The Life and Death of Peter Sellers premieres on HBO this Sunday. It stars Geoffrey Rush as Sellers, which just makes me groan with annoyance. I don't care how good an actor Rush is, he does not look like Sellers in the least, and is in fact--I'll just say it--one of the ugliest actors out there. I know that's unfair of me, but I am obviously not a fan. I don't need to see Geoffrey Rush in anything ever again.

I know, I know. An actor doesn't have to actually look like the real-life person he's playing in order to give a good performance. But I think Peter Sellers was a handsome man, and that had to play a part in why he was able to bed a babe like Britt Ekland. Rush? Not so much.

Why not give Peter Sellers look-alike Michael Panes a shot at the role? He was really good in The Anniversary Party...

And don't even get me STARTED on the whole Kevin Spacey as Bobby Darin thing. He's older now than Darin was when he died! (Actually, because I like Kevin Spacey, I don't find this nearly as egregious.)

White

As promised, here are some photos from my trip to Tahoe over Thanksgiving. They're scenery shots mainly...

When we got to the cabin on Wednesday, there was really only snow in the mountains. The backyard was bare. But on Saturday, a storm came through, dropping over a foot of snow. We took a walk through this blizzard, but thought it best not to take a camera along. It was a freezing adventure, but fun. By Sunday, the day we had to leave, the skies were clear, and the backyard was now picture postcard pretty.

I really should move somewhere that gets yearly snow. I love cold weather (much more than warm weather) and there is nothing prettier to me than the site of fresh snow everywhere. A nice blanket of white can make even the most mundane things look magical...

Noooooooooooooo!

Rumors are buzzing that Chris Noth is going to replace Vincent D'Onofrio on L&O:CI. I guess the producers are fearing a complete and total meltdown from Vince, and they've got Chris waiting in the wings. Now, I loved Noth as Mr. Big on Sex and the City. But I just can not fathom a week without an opportunity to watch Vincent acting slightly nutty on "L&O." All I can suggest is that you NOT watch Noth's guest appearance in January. Maybe low-ratings will convince the powers-that-be that it's a bad idea...

I'm Back, and Boy Are My Turkey Wings Tired!

Yes, my trip to the winter wonderland is over, darn it. And now I must ease myself back into the daily grind.

I will hopefully get some pictures from my trip up soon, but until then, perhaps you would like to totally get spoiled and read about Ken Jennings and his possible Jeopardy! loss.

Or you could check out SFist and read my San Francisco-centric TV picks (or anti-picks) for the week...

Or you could post a comment. Don't be afraid!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm heading for the hills and won't be back until Monday. Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone! And be sure to visit The Hunger Site. Your clicks really do help!

Eat. Sit. Watch TV.

You can check out my guide to Thanksgiving TV viewing over on SFist now.

Doesn't that TV dinner look deeelicious?

When the Going Gets Weird, Anchor Men Punt

The 2008 election isn't going to be quite as fun now that Dan Rather has announced he plans to step down come 2005.

In tribute here are a couple of sites offering collections of his zingier malapropisms from the 2004 and the 2000 presidential elections.

IMDb Can Be So Cruel

In writing my post for SFist this week (link coming soon), I came across Anne Bancroft's Internet Movie Database page. Does someone at IMDb have a beef with Anne? Or has marriage to Mel Brooks just rubbed off on her?

I Was Really Hoping They Had Just Given Up

The always on the horizon, but never actually in production Watchmen has found a director: Paul Greengrass.

Who?

Exactly.

I never really had a dream director in mind for this, as I never thought it could be made into a successful two-hour movie in the first place. It's just too epic. I think HBO should have turned it into a series, and brought every single aspect of the comic to the show. It could have gone on for at least two seasons! It would have been AWESOME! Alas, mere pipe dreams...unless this proposed version turns out as successfully as previous attempts have.

In the meantime, let the casting controversies begin!

Hang In There Little Buddy!

Poor Vincent. Seems he's suffering from exhaustion, which is usually Hollywood code-speak for "nervous breakdown," isn't it? Seriously, since his is the only Law & Order I ever watch, I hope he does pull himself together and continues with the show. I needs me my weekly dose of Vince, lest I suffer from my own nervous breakdown.

It Ain't Whiskers On Kittens

If you'd like to watch housewives' heads explode, and spontaneously start speaking in tongues, then be sure to tune in to her show today for Oprah's Favorite Things 2004. Believe me, that SNL sketch doesn't do the real thing justice. [warning: link opens QuickTime movie]

Dig Those Powerful Thighs

You know what? I got nothing. I'm lucky if I can find time to pick my nose (and a lot of time that can take.) But there is this post on SFist about Godzillafest. Enjoy!

The Lady and the Fox

It's kind of hard to come off the intensity that is Lost and then sink into the regal silliness that is Regency House Party, but that is exactly what I did last night. I liked this week's "Lost" more than last week's, and am lamenting the fact that I have to wait two weeks before the next episode. Stupid Bachelor finale!

For those of you watching "Regency House Party" you might be interested to know that (as of last week), Lady Davenport and Mr. Fox-Smith are still a couple. She's 58. He's 33. How awesome is that?

TV Is Better Than an Afterwork Cocktail

Man. Last night's premiere of The Amazing Race kicked some solid butt, in the form of pro-wrestler Bolo(!) Five minutes into it, and he's complaining about pain in his calve muscles. This ain't a staged showdown, brother! But at least he and his wife have "street suave." That'll do them good.

Coming home from a hellish day at work to an episode of TAR was just what I needed. And tonight, I've got Lost. Can life get any better? I submit that it cannot!

Well. I take that back. If I could get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV all day (while knitting) well, THEN life couldn't get any better. But I will be doing just that for four days in Tahoe next week, with paid vacation, so my dream will be realized for at least a little while.

Speaking of "Lost," fans are abuzz with theories about its weirdness. I'm still on the fence about just what the hell is going on, but I kind of like the purgatory idea.

No Time for Food!

Or fun! Or blogs!

It sucks having a job where they want you to actually like...work and stuff. Feh! I need to tell the world what to watch on TV tonight. Don't they understand priorities??

Well, I was able to write my weekly SFist column, which you can go check out now. Or, if you'd rather not, here's a summary: The Amazing Race 6 starts tonight, and I am peeing my pants with excitement, (I am! No time to go to the bathroom!) House also premieres tonight on Fox, but I can't care about that because of TAR, and then there's something about old cars, and guys who fart. Err. That doesn't sound right. Maybe you really should just go read it for yourself.

R.I.P. O.D.B

I hope a few forties were spilled over the weekend for the late Ol' Dirty Bastard, (alias Big Baby Jesus, alias Dirt McGirk, alias Russell Jones, alias Squeaky Fromme). And, as pointed out by TV Tattle, what ever happened to this show?

I Don't Wanna Wait, For My Trapper Keeper To Be Over...

I have to go to a class today and tomorrow (Wooo! Party! Spring Break!) and see if there is anything more I can learn about the films of Alfred Hitchcock. Isn't finer education grand? Anyhoo, I can't post anything else today, so here's an article about the new Cartoon Network show Tom Goes To the Mayor, from producer Bob Odenkirk.

Fainting Is SO Sexy!

My fave "Law and Order" detective fainted on the set yesterday and rumor has it, he's going nuts.

I don't know why, but that just makes me love him all the more. Unless he starts to sit in a latrine with a shotgun at his side. A girl has to draw the line somewhere.

Disappointment. At Last!

Last week's episode of Lost was the first to disappoint me. Just a little. Just enough, so that now I can sit back and not worry about the inevitable let-down. Kind of like getting that first scratch on a new car.

The moth metaphor was a little too obvious to me, and Charlie's backstory was full of equally leaden cliches. I still liked it, though. But I have to say Kate's dry-humping of Jack is getting a little tired. Just do it already. Sheesh!

Anyway, I know some of you have yet to watch The Best New Show On TV, and for shame and all that. But do know that my tape of the season continues to grow, and is available for rental once it hits the six-hour mark. If you dare start watching in the middle, here's a basic guide to the show and its main characters. But don't read it if you don't want to be spoiled.

Also, Regency House Party continues tonight at 9:00 on PBS. Have to say, I am loving this show, while also being annoyed at some of its participants. People who go onto a reality program like this and then complain that it's too restrictive get no sympathy from me. I mean, when you were chosen to be on the show did you not at least go and rent Pride and Prejudice? Did you not crack open a Jane Austen book? Did you really think you'd be able to share snuff with the guys and hang out with them all day drinking? Get over it!

Also love the fact that there's a resident hermit on the estate. I wish I had a house big enough to home a hermit.

Saving Ryan's Privates

Two ABC affiliates in Iowa won't be running the previously scheduled uncut airing of Saving Private Ryan on Veteran's Day for fear of fines from the FCC.

OK. Why is Iowa the only affiliate afraid of fines? I think it has something to do with having to start the movie at 7:00pm, or "family time," but I think ABC would cover any FCC fines.

Of course, if the FCC is going to impose fines on anything, I would agree that 30 minutes of uncut graphic violence is much more disturbing and potentially traumatic than a flash of nip. But because I don't see them as being anywhere near rational, I don't think any fines will imposed at all.

And I also have to add that I hate "Saving Private Ryan." I don't think any anti-war film should be crafted so that at the end you are cheering for the demise of the enemy. One of my favorite reviews of the movie gets the point across much better than I ever could. Read it. Now!

Do It....Now!

Go visit SFist and check out my latest TV column. And while you're there, share your opinions about the best burritos to be found in the City.

Mmmmm. Burrito! The seed has been planted, and now it's all I want for lunch. The thing about eating a huge burrito at lunchtime, though, is there's nowhere to take the inevitable post-burrito nap around here!

I Don't Know About the Show

But get a load of those teeth! Richard Branson's grill may be the visual equivalent of Donald Trump's hair in the new "The Apprentice" rip-off The Rebel Billionaire: Branson's Quest For the Best, which premieres tonight.

A sky-diving, British billionaire sending his 16 young wannabees on such challenges as airplane wing-walking? Meh. Bored now. I'll wait another week for the premiere of The Amazing Race 6, thank you very much.

Good-Bye To You

Bands Reunited returns tonight, and the band being mugged (as that is how the confrontations always come across to me) is Scandal. You remember Scandal, right? With lead singer Patty "Don't Call Her Smith" Smyth? I was never a big fan. I think she has a great voice, but their music was always way too commercial for me. No edge. Aside from the ridiculous outfits seen in their videos.

Laugh? Or Set My Head on Fire?

The new seasons of The Simpsons and Arrested Development start this Sunday.

Hooray! I don't think I've ever needed to laugh as much as I do now. And thank God for The Daily Show these last two days. If it wasn't around, I think I'd probably be curled up in a fetal position in my bed right now, begging for mommy to make the nightmare stop. I especially liked Lewis Black's comment last night, which was roughly: "Well, on Tuesday, the voice of America was heard. And I am not going to repeat it out of respect for the retarded."

OK. Maybe I Care a Little

You can watch that "Star Wars 3" trailer for free here.

I'm always afraid to let my inner "Star Wars" geek come through, but I will admit to getting little chills when I heard James Earl Jones' voice, and when I saw those two buns on the sides of Natalie Portman's head. But I think it's my love of the first two films (or last two. Whatever.) that's behind that.

I will NOT get my hopes up. I WON'T!

I Wish I Could Care

But I just don't. For those who do, the "Star Wars: Episode III" teaser trailer premieres on the official site today. I think you need to join the geekdom to be able to view it. Or you can just go see The Incredibles this weekend (which I recommend doing anyway) and catch the trailer there.

Something to Live For

The new cast of The Surreal Life has been announced and it includes Mini Me, Peter Brady, a Go-Go, and America's First Next Top Model.

It'll start in January...but we need it now!

You can make do with re-runs of the current Surreal Life and relive the legendary love between Brig and Flav.

I Hear Vancouver Is Beautiful...

Apartments aren't too expensive. And Canada seems pretty welcoming to new citizens...

At Least I Can Bury My Head in Some Good TV

Ah, sweet TV. Always there to soothe my troubles. Tonight I can just turn on the tube and pretend it didn't happen!

Of course, I don't need to remind you that a new episode of Lost is on at 8:00. Man. The show just keeps getting better. It astounds me every week, and the last episode had me crying like a baby.

At 9pm, on channel 9, we've got the premiere of Regency House Party. Think of as The Bachelor meets Manor House. Kind of. It's another "back in time" reality series, but this time the participants get to pretend they are in a Jane Austen novel, and they must woo each other accordingly. I am all over it like a widowed countess on a table full of crumpets. I have no idea what that means.

If you miss it tonight (and the next three Wednesdays) it will be re-run early Friday mornings at 3:00am.

TV. It's good for what ails ya.

B-b-b-b-ut---the Redskins LOST!

Someone want to recheck the score for that Redskins-Packers game? Because it was obviously wrong.

I find it very hard to be cheery about anything this morning. It's a tough day. Living in San Francisco I often forget that the rest of America is not us, and apparently INSANE, so in a sense I suppose it's a good wake-up call. Although I'd rather go back to sleep. For four more years.

And, even though he does bug me a lot, I want to hear what Michael Moore has to say about it all. So far, he's still stuck in last night's final glowing moments of hope.

Look At MEEEEEEEEEE!

My latest post on SFist is up. Look for "SFist Watches: TV This Week." And then read the rest of the site, because it's awesome.

With a Poll Like That, I'm Surprised He Can Gallup At All

From the Letterman show: Top Ten Punchlines to Dirty Election Jokes.

Now. GO VOTE!

Hello Birthday

It disturbs me a bit that I am older than Hello Kitty. But personally, I think she's had some work done.

And I wonder why as a kid I always thought Hello Kitty was a boy. A boy with a bow in his hair...er, fur. It still seems weird to me that she's a girl. What's up with that?

File This Under "Whoopdie-Friggin'-Do."

Yaaaaaaawn. But then again, maybe his dialogue won't be quite so excruciating if it's spoken in another language. And we can also add our own subtitles to the mess.

The Redskins Lost

So, if the legend holds true that means Kerry will win tomorrow.

But that's still not an excuse to not vote, ya hear what I'm sayin'?

And In the Fifth Ending, Carrie Marries and Dumps Aidan. Again. Just for Giggles.

The DVD release of the final Sex and the City episodes contain some alternate endings. Thank goodness they went the way they did, or I would have been all kinds of pissed.

Pieces of Eminem....Mmmmmm

Glad to see I wasn't the only one wondering about Eminem's "live performance" on SNL this weekend. At first I thought he was doing it as a joke. I didn't think there'd be any way he'd do the show without commenting on the Ashlee snafu. But unless it was a very SUBTLE jab, I think he just did the same damn thing. Oh well. I guess it's just too many lyrics for one little rapper to remember. I kind of like the video, though.

It's Dutch, So You Know It's Spooky...

Figured I had to post something for Halloween, so here's something you've probably all seen before. Compare the photos, and listen for clues!

Yeah, It Was Embarrassing, But at Least "60 Minutes" Wasn't There Catching It All on Tape....What's That?...Uh-oh

Indeed, 60 Minutes WAS there last Saturday, and they caught Ashlee's backstage embarrassment, and the reaction of the "Saturday Night Live" crew, on tape. Seems they were coincidentally at the show that week doing a piece about the long-running series. Lucky for them--and for us! The piece airs this Sunday at 7:00pm.

Nice Wolf Abs, Jackman!

I watched Van Helsing the other night on DVD and wow. That was one of the worst things I have ever seen. I pretty much knew that would be the case, which is why I avoided it in the theaters. But I figured I'd Netflix it and make sure. My mistake.

It had some much going for it what with Dracula, Frankenstein AND werewolves. Not to mention a cameo by Mr. Hyde. But every scene just fell flat. Richard Roxburgh's attempts to bring campy humor to his Dracula portrayal were painful, and even Kate Beckinsale's boobs couldn't distract from her awful "Transylvanian" accent. What's worse is it wasn't even entertainingly bad. It's over two hours long, and feels more like three. And Hugh Jackman doesn't take his shirt off near soon enough.

A much better, and scarier, movie watching experience was "A Ma Soeur" (Fat Girl in the U.S.) It's directed by Catherine Breillat, (whose recently released Sex is Comedy is basically about the making of "Fat Girl") a director who's no stranger to controversy. (Which explains why a couple of moments in the film include a glimpse of a naked man at...full attention.) I have to say I have never been so shocked and startled by a movie than I was while watching this one. It took me about ten minutes to recover. And by saying that I've probably ruined the movie for you.

Ah, so what. You know that even after all that you're still going to rent "Van Helsing."

You Caw Heem GRANPA Jones!

Harrison Ford is 62 years old. And he wants to play Indiana Jones again. That's really great. No, really. Just be sure to pair him up with an appropriately aged love interest too, OK? That is if you can find an over 55-year old actress that is even allowed to act in big-budget features these days.

No. I'm not bitter at all. Really. But I was kind of hoping this whole "Indiana Jones 4" thing had finally died. Apparently, it hasn't.

I shudder to think what things Lucas was opposed to in the Frank Darabont screenplay. Perhaps it was the fact that the entire film took place in a 1950s penitentiary? Or was it the whole Indiana Jones shoots first thing?

Um, Did I Mention I Love Lost?

'Cause I do. And there's another episode on tonight. I'm giddy with excitement.

Here's a good article about how Lost fits into the genre of "mythology" shows like Buffy and The X-Files.

Like the above shows, I don't doubt that "Lost" will eventually disappoint me. In fact, I'm kind of surprised that hasn't already happened. But so far each episode has managed to surprise me, manipulate me (but in a good way) make me tear up (just a little!) and make me laugh (which is the most surprising thing of all.) The show has also made me realize how much I missed watching shows like "Buffy" or "The X-Files." Let's face it, one thing you will never get out of reality TV is the sudden appearance of a hole that leads to Hell, alien abductions, or monsters (insert Donald Trump joke here.) Pair that with some characters that are actually pretty nuanced and you've got some great TV right there, let me tell you what.

Maybe He's On the Show Because Marilyn Monroe Once Played a Character Named Lorelei

Or maybe he's just on it because it's a great show. In any case, Norman Mailer will be on tonight's episode of Gilmore Girls. I think that's the only stunt casting the show is guilty of so far (aside from the recurring appearance of Sebastian Bach as the oldest member of a local teen rock band.) If for some reason an appearance by Norman Mailer is enough to get you to start watching Gilmore Girls, then good. It's about damn time.

Also, Her Shoe Was Untied. And the Sun Was In Her Eyes.

By now everyone has heard about Ashlee-gate. She was lip synching. What a shocker. And now she's blaming it on her drummer, acid reflux disease, and her voice going out. However, the real scandal is that viewers on the West coast didn't get to see the full effect of the screw-up. We didn't get to hear those vocals start up while her mic was at her side. Instead we just heard the band, we saw her bop around, and then slink off stage, which made it look like yeah, the band started to play the wrong song and she didn't know what to do. Thankfully, clips of the actual event are available online. But I curse NBC for not allowing me to keep that moment forever available on my TiVo. I CURSE YOU!

OK....NOW I'm Going!

Just had to post that Amy Sedaris is going to be on Letterman tonight. The show will also feature this year's Halloween costumes, which is always fun. Cheeeeck it out!

Disneyland!

The Red Sox Have Won the Pennant!

I'm going to Disneyland!

Seriously. I am. So I won't be posting for a few days. Try not to think about me eating churros and flirting with Goofy while you're slaving at your desks, OK? The weekend will come soon enough...Of course then there's Monday, another day I won't be toiling away. Unlike you. But don't think about that! I'll be back and miserable like the rest of you soon enough.

Great. Now I'm depressed.

Hey! I know a cure for that!

Lost in Love

Last night was another episode of Lost, and I just have to say, again, that I love this show. I love it so much that I just want to cry like Holly Hunter does after she gets the baby in Raising Arizona. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

I love it so much that after I watch an episode on TiVo, I go back and watch it again and record it onto TAPE so that I can keep the whole series forever. THAT'S how much I love it. In fact, I have not gotten such full enjoyment since Buffy at its best, and that's saying something.

So for those who have not been watching, I don't know what to say. Except that I have the entire season thus far on tape, and you're welcome to borrow it. And also, ABC will be re-running the latest two episodes this Saturday at 8:00pm. Do yourself a favor. Watch some good TV for a change.

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's...Brandon Routh?!

Looks like an unknown actor has indeed been cast as Superman.

I wish I could be excited by any of this, but I just can't be. I think I've had my fill of superhero movies. Can Hollywood start adapting Chick Comics into movies instead? 'Cause I'm bored now.

Oh My God. She's Posting About Sports. She's Insane!

I know, I know. Sports? BASEBALL? Are you kidding me?

It won't become a habit. I promise. It's just that I was at a bar last night, and the Yankees-Red Sox game was on, and I can't help but get sucked into the rivalry. I'm sick of the Yankees. They need to lose. And after witnessing this bit of ridiculousness I want them to lose EVEN MORE.

So tonight's game is it. I want the Yankees to lose so bad I can't even tell you. I want them to lose so much that I won't even be able to watch the game. It's just too nerve-wracking. Wake me when it's over.

Ex-LAX

I've erased another season pass from my Tivo. I feel so free. The sorry series was LAX, and I admit to getting sucked into it because it comes on after the very guilty pleasure that is Las Vegas. I was hoping it would offer the same mindless fun, but alas, I think the appeal of "Las Vegas" comes from my love of...Las Vegas. I do not have a similar fondness for the Los Angeles Airport. And while I have appreciated Heather Locklear in the past, and have been awed by her seeming inability to age, I have to admit even she couldn't save the series.

And she's had some serious Botox work. Nothing too awesome about that.

What's All the Hubbub, Bub?

For some reason, people can't seem to stop talking about Jon Stewart's weekend appearance on "Crossfire." (You can watch it here.)

I'm really not sure why it's garnering so much media attention. Is it that shocking that Jon Stewart would call Tucker Carlson a dick? C'mon people! Get over it!

A Letter of Troof

Britney Spears has posted her long-awaited "letter of truth" on her Web site . Shockingly, she's planning to stay out of the spotlight and start a family. (Uh. Didn't she get an insto-family by marrying that baby daddy?)

Man. I was just getting into the white trash fiasco that is her life. She can't go away now!

You Too!

Brian Regan is set to appear on Letterman tonight. I happen to think he's a laugh riot. Of course he'll probably bomb tonight and then you'll think I'm a moron. It's a risk I'm willing to take.

I Have a Colt...

I'm a little horse.

Har har har. But seriously, yes, I have been struck down by a cold, and just could not bring myself to blog yesterday. (Although "blog" does sound like something you'd have to do when you have a cold. "Hold on a second! I'm gonna blog!")

However, this news did not pass me by. I'll be honest. I don't think the Academy Awards is the right gig for Chris Rock. Don't get me wrong, I think he's hilarious. But not so much when he's got to perform with a five-second delay, and when the crowd is filled with the uptight Hollywood "elite." I've seen him host the MTV Awards, and even then he kind of seemed like he was wearing a straight-jacket.

I think my favorite host of the past decade or so has been Steve Martin. (Next to David Letterman's one-time stint. Sue me. I thought he was hilarious.)

Marrriage Is a Sacred Thing!

It must be protected and should only occur between a man and a woman!

Oh please. Can we just stop pretending?

They Really WERE Setting Themselves on Fire!

Yeah, yeah. I know. That "Arrested Development" marathon I was trumpeting didn't happen last Saturday, and instead F/X aired a "Fear Factor" marathon. Well. Rumor has it it's gonna happen this Saturday.Unless F/X suddenly decides to air a marathon of Married By America instead.

OK. I Totally Lied.

I still love reality TV. "The Bachelor" is the only show I've really quit, and in reality (punny!) I do keep adding more to my TiVo, seemingly every week. My latest addition is Endurance: Hawaii. While the contestants on "Survivor" sometimes act like children, the contestants on "Endurance" actually ARE children. It's basically "Survivor" for the preteen set, and it's awesome. So far my favorite player has got to be 15-year-old Monroe. I could beat around the bush and talk about his ear-shattering screaming, or his utter distaste for all the girls and their crushes on all the cute boys, or his inability to catch a ball to save his life, but instead I'll just come out and say it. He's totally gay. And he's AWESOME.

Watch it. It's only a half hour long and it's on NBC Saturday mornings at 9:30.

In the End, Aren't We All Losers?

I have been pretty successful in curbing my addiction to reality TV. The Bachelor has been banished from my TiVo Season Pass list, and I hardly pay attention to Survivor since the guy team continues to vote off all the hotties. But I'm finding it hard to resist NBC's latest foray into the genre: Fatties Fighting to Get Fit, also known as The Biggest Loser. Such a simple premise, it makes you slap your head and say: "Why didn't I think of that?....Mmmmmm....Fattening."

Ever Pick Your Feet in Poughkeepsie?

Frankly, I don't think we need one more friggin' police drama on TV, much less one based on The French Connection and NOT starring Gene Hackman. And that just reminds me how great it WOULD be if there were a TV series starring Gene Hackman. Although the fact that nary a week goes by without a Hackman movie airing on some channel almost fulfills that desire...

"Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire."

Starting Saturday at noon, F/X will be running eight hours of Arrested Development. If you missed it last season, I highly recommend checking it out, as it was the funniest sitcom to hit the airwaves in many a year.

I really hope they air the episode where Buster freaks out because there's a bird in the house and it walked on his pillow. Good times.

Trump or Monkey?

Donald Trump is going to be on "Letterman" tonight, and yes, he will be playing a round of "Trump or Monkey." For those who can't stay up that late to watch it, there's a clip over on the Late Show site right now!

"Freaks and Geeks" Fans Alert!

life as we know it premieres tonight on ABC. Gabe Sachs and Jeff Judah, who were producers and writers on the second-best show about high school life ever made (that would be Freaks and Geeks. My So Called Life is still #1 in my Trapper Keeper) are behind the series, which is being trumped as "MSCL" for guys. Which probably means they'll talk a lot about getting laid. Also, Kelly Osbourne is on the show and I do not know if that is a good thing. Anyhoo, if you're willing to skip "CSI" and put-off viewing "The Apprentice" until Saturday's rerun, you can catch this premiere tonight at 9:00.

Glossy Imperfection

The much-hyped Desperate Housewives premiered this Sunday, and I was....underwhelemd. I liked it, but I didn't love it. The hype may have played a part in my high expectations, but I think my dissapointment really came from my expecting it to be different. Instead, it was very familiar. I've seen this satire of suburban life in Blue Velvet (where it was done excellently) and American Beauty (where it was done horribly) so I was hoping the show would bring a bit more to the table. Instead we've got the requisite Stepford Wife, the Husband With a Secret, the Neighborhood Nympho, and the Voice From Beyond the Grave. Which is all fine and good. Entertaining, in fact. But it's forced feeling of camp takes it out of that "guilty pleasure" zone (in my mind, that moniker is reserved for entertainment that wishes so very badly to be taken seriously, but simply cannot be) and into the realm of "Hey!! Over here! Look how wacky we are!!"

Which isn't to say I won't tune in next week. And if you've missed it and are curious, it will be repeated this Saturday at 10:00pm on ABC.

Interestingly, the actress orginally cast to play the Dead Housewife was none other than Laura Palmer herself, Sheryl Lee. Her part was eventually recast, and this article explains why.

Beaver's Monkey

I've got "monkey" as one of my TiVo Wishlists because I am indifferent to monkeys. No, it's of course because I love monkeys. As a result, yesterday TiVo recorded an episode of Leave it to Beaver in which the Beaver gets a monkey as a pet. God bless TiVo.

In actuality the monkey he gets is a little more frightening than funny, but what is even more frightening is how nonchalant Ward seems to be about the Beaver getting a 20 pound monkey as a pet. Was this a 1950s fad I didn't know about? Along with those baby alligators that were then flushed down the toilet and later grew up to be man eaters that lived in the sewers, were people getting monkeys as pets for their kids? If so, the 1950s was an even radder decade than I had previously thought.

She Had a Profound Effect on America's Bathing Habits

Janet Leigh has died. She was quite a spunky broad.

As a tribute, why not edit your own version of her classic shower scene?

Here's What She Brought to Weekend Update: Hypoglycemia and ONE Leg. Jealous?

I was happy to see Amy Poehler at the Update Desk with Tina Fey in the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live." Let's hope she doesn't get a swelled head and start making bad movies with Queen Latifah.

"All Photographs Are Accurate. None of Them Is the Truth"

Richard Avedon has died. He was one of my favorite photographers (I know, how friggin' original of me) and I sure wish I owned one of his prints because that puppy would be worth BANK right now.

No. Seriously. I am sad to hear of his passing. In memorium, here is my favorite Avedon photo.

I Was Going to Title This Post "Hot Pussy," But That Would Have Been Gross

In an effort to get my cat a date, I've added her profile to Catster.

I hope it works!

HA ha!

My hatred for all the female contestants on this season of "The Apprentice" grows with every episode. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the sisterhood. But these women just suck! So it was with much delight that I learned of Jen C.'s getting fired from her real job this week. She states that she doesn't know what she's gonna do now. And all I can think is "Why? Hasn't Playboy called yet?"

Are You SURE It's Not a Dinosaur?

OK....Is it a Monster From the Id?

The second episode of "Lost" was on last night, and it rocked. This article provides some plot points you may have missed. And the show's producer insists that monster ain't a dinosaur.

Maybe it's that French woman they heard on the radio, and she's REALLY pissed.

Is It April 1st?

Because I'm having a hard time believing this one.

CSI toys are supposedly hitting the store shelves this Friday. The first one due? Why, the CSI: Forensic Facial Reconstructive Kit, of course.

I'll believe it when I see it. And then I'll buy the entire shelf-full and not have to worry about my Christmas shopping for the rest of the year.

Get Lost

The second episode of Lost is on tonight at 8pm. Woo! Look out for the monster! If you missed the first episode, don't despair. ABC will re-air the first AND second episodes this Saturday at 8pm. Set your TiVo. Write yourself a post-it note. Program that VCR. Do it....why aren't you doing it? DO IT NOW!

Also, because of tomorrow's debate, The Apprentice is going to be on this evening at 9pm. I wonder what further labor laws The Donald will break with tonight's firing?

Old News. Literally.

Well, this is old news to most people, but I did promise to send this photo around, so I'm just going take a short cut and post it here. Enjoy.



Here's the story behind it. Although, it might be more fun to come up with a story of your own...

It's OVER!

Well, as far as I can tell on my end, the comments don't look any different. Which is actually fine, as when it was working for a brief five minutes, it appeared as if it wasn't able to save all the old comments. And we want those to be accesible for future generations, so FORGET it. You'll all have to continue not leaving comments the old fashioned way!

It's NEW!

I've switched to Haloscan for my comments thingamabob, and I hope it works. If it does, you'll be able to post comments anoymously, or with your own Web site as the associated URL. And the comments will appear in a pop-up, which is always exciting. Unless you have a pop-up blocker, in which case I suggest you turn that puppy off for this page.

Leave a comment and see if it works. If it doesn't, we'll just go back to normal and we can all pretend this little incident never happened.

Is Anyone Gonna Give a Crap in Five Years?

Blah Blah, Leno is leaving. Yadda yadda, Conan is moving in. *Yawn* Whatever. Leno has been dead to me for years. (Does anyone else remember when he used to be one of the funniest stand-ups out there, way back in the 80s? Didn't think so.) And while I love Conan, I can only hope that he'll still be funny in FIVE YEARS! Leno sure didn't get funnier with age.

But then again, I still laugh every night watching Letterman, so it's not impossible.

In other late night news, Craig Kilborn is officially gone, (praises be) and the guest hosts have taken over. But so far, Amy Sedaris is not amongst them. Come on people! SHE'S GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!

Shoot Me Now

What could be worse than being in a roomfull of ex-"Apprentice" contestants? How about being stuck on a boat with them!

I hope Stacie J. is on board, telling fortunes with her Magic 8 Ball.

Well, That Explains the Necklace

Cynthia Nixon "Switches Roles."

A Plane Crashes on an Island Full of Models...and TWO Bachelors!

Thanks to the miracle of TiVo, I was able to watch four--FOUR!--season premieres last night, all before the strike of midnight. I love TiVo. (When will Gavin Newsom start the fight to legalize marriage between an individual and his or her TiVo? 'Cause I'd totally do it!)

Here's what I thought about the shows:

Lost. LOVED it! I thought it was awesome, and one of the best TV pilots I've ever seen. You've got the whole deserted island thing, action galore in the form of flashbacks to the plane crash that got them there, as well as a huge cast of characters, some of whom are already acting kind of strange. And--AND--there's a giant monster on the island killing people! Sure, the monster sounds a little too much like a cast-off from Jurassic Park, but so what. It's a MONSTER! There aren't enough monsters on primetime TV these days. (Aside from the one living on top of Donald Trump's head.) I'm excited about what's to come. Aliens? Or maybe they'll walk to the other side of the island only to discover--Damn you!

America's Next Top Model 3. The premiere was a little anti-climactic since they announced this season's cast of wannabee models weeks ago. But aside from that, there was a crazy bar fight, a legally blind contestant, a plus-sized model, and Tyra made the mean girl cry! I think the show's still got it, so I'll just have to catch it during its reruns on Friday nights.

The Bachelor. OK. I think I'm officially through with this show. I don't care that the bachelorettes this time around are older. (Meaning they're in their thirties. Gee. Can women in their thirties even get around without canes and walkers? How are they going to be able to date?) Or that they got to choose this season's bachelor (they were both boring and ugly.) I'm so incredibly over it all. I don't care. Take it off my TV screen. NOW!

CSI: NY. I'll admit to a genuine fondness for CSI. I think it's great TV. However, I have no tolerance for CSI: Miami, mainly because I think David Caruso is the most annoying actor on TV. He cannot deliver a single line without it coming across as smug. All I want to do is smack him every time he's on screen. So, that show's out. I'll admit that my tuning into "NY" had a lot to do with my fondness for Gary Sinise, a great actor who, for some reason, I find very attractive. Except last night I noticed something very disturbing about him: He has a very small head. I'm hoping this won't distract from future enjoyment of the show, but I'm a little worried. As for his approach to the now familiar role, he seems to be taking the tortured route. So: David Caruso is smug. And William Petersen is jovial. I think one should choose their "CSI" show based on how they like their grisly crimes served up: smug, tortured, or goofy.

Or with a tiny head.

Speaking of tiny heads....Sorry, I've got no segue here, but tonight's the season premiere of ER. Does anyone watch that anymore? That's another one I may have to give up. Once they started dropping helicopters on people's (tiny?) heads, I kind of lost interest.

Maybe they should set a monster loose in the hospital!

Remember the Good Old Days...

When you could come home from school, pour yourself a bowl of cereal, plop in front of the TV set, and learn about the horrors of marijuana and angel dust? I sure do. So I am SO excited about this. [link via freakgirl]

Speaking of Coconuts

Lost premieres at 8:00 on ABC, and I'm excited. While it might at first sound like nothing more than a "dramatic" version of "Gilligan's Island," (plane crash survivors stranded on a deserted island) I have faith it will be much more than that, mainly because it's from the creative mind of J.J. Abrams, the guy behind Alias. He cares not for stories that "make sense" or "are believable" and I love him for it. Word has it there's more on this island than sand, and more to these survivors than they are willing to reveal.

AND one of them is a HOBBIT!

C'mon. What else are you going to watch before the premiere of another insufferable season of The Bachelor?

Flash a Boob in His Honor

By which I mean, don't flash someone you think is a boob, but flash one of YOUR boobs, if you've got 'em.

Oh, never mind.

Russ Meyer died. Read Roger Ebert's tribute.

She Can Do a Hell of a Lot With a Coconut

I don't care if Mark Burnett has anything to with it or not. I want Martha Stewart back on my TV! Now! No one wields a glue gun like her, and the Holidays are just not going to be the same without her there to tell me how to tie the perfect bow!

I'm PACKING It!!

Will the decidedly Hulkish Colin and the road-ragin' Christie take home the million bucks tonight on the "Amazing Race" finale?

Good God, I hope not.

As for the other finalists, the Moms are a little too shrill, and the Christian models are a little too...Christian model, I guess. So I'm rooting for Chip and Kim. And I will be screaming and on the edge of my seat for the entire duration of the two-hour finale, you can count on that. (Starts at 9! On CBS!)

Here's a good article about the show, and why some people (you know who you are) continue to think of the "Amazing Race" as the "spinach" of reality programs.

"I Want It To Be the Way I Want It To Be"

I'm not going to go off on another "Star Wars" geek rant about the DVD release of the "original" three movies. It's all been said before. But I just can't get over some of the comments George Lucas makes in this CNN interview. He sounds like a spoiled 9-year. (Or young Annakin. Take your pick.)

"They're MY movies!! I should have it MY way!"

He just. Doesn't. Get it.

Is He Anything?

John Kerry is scheduled to appear on Letterman tonight. I'm kind of hoping he'll actually show some personality, and will talk about some important issues, because man. He's got to get that ball rolling soon! Of course I know the election won't be won or lost depending on his ability to woo the viewers of late night talk shows, but at least that's an arena Bush will most likely not enter...

Cocaine's a Hell of a Drug!

Reports of Rick James' death from natural causes were....a little exaggerated.

Wake Me If James Gandolfini Starts Eating People

For someone who watches so much TV, I have surprisingly little interest in the Emmy Awards. I'm not sure why that is, as I get ecstatic over the Oscars. Maybe it's because I really don't give a crap about what actor is going to take home a statue for best performance in a TV movie. Or maybe it's the lack of really BIG stars. (Yeah. I said it. Movie stars are bigger than TV stars.) Or maybe it's the sheer predictability of the event. ("The West Wing" won again? *Yawn.* Is that a "Soprano" clutching an award? *Snore.*) Whatever it is, I'm pretty sure I won't be glued to the set this Sunday.

Although the potential for some good fashion disasters does hold promise...

Now I Guess I'll Have to Tell 'em That I Got No Cerebellum

Johnny Ramone died. I think I'm gonna cry...

My most memorable Ramones experience was seeing them at Wolfgang's a week after having BRAIN SURGERY when I was a teenager. I stood right in front of the stage. And it was awesome.

Read one of Johnny's last interviews with Rolling Stone

My Ox Is BROKEN!

I just can not express to you how much I am loving The Amazing Race right now. Last night's episode had my cheering, and guffawing, and screaming "NOOOOOOOO!" more than I have for anything I've watched in my entire life. And I was into football once! Seeing a contestant I had once admired, and now loath with a passion, reduced to a simpering mass being drug around a mud field by an ox that couldn't care less was one of the most satisfying viewing experiences of my life.

I can say with no hesitation that there is no other show on TV right now, reality or otherwise, that's better. And while it saddens me that the finale is next week, I am happy that I will not have to wait another year for the new season, which will most likely premiere in November.

Count Me In For the Whining

When I was in my twenties I watched, and loved, thirtysomething, but it was taken off the air before I actually hit my thirties and could really understand it. And now that I have hit my thirties it looks like the show's creators will be producing a show about people in their twenties. I'll probably watch it, but am hoping that they'll eventually do a show for people in their forties. That's not, you know, like Matlock or something.

The Wookie Has No Pants

I have no intention of buying the prettied-up "Star Wars" trilogy when it comes out on DVD next week. (I'll stick to my old-school laserdiscs of "Star Wars" and "Empire" and continue to pretend "Return of the Jedi" never happened.) But I was pleased to catch Star Wars: Empire of Dreams, one of the documentaries that's included in the DVD package, on TV last night. It's chock full of interviews, behind-the-scenes footage, and old audition tapes. (Kurt Russell as Han Solo!) And Harrison Ford's interview regarding George Lucas's approach to directing actors provided some good insight into why the acting in the films continues to be so atrocious.

So, all you "Star Wars" geeks, the two-hour doc will be rerun on A&E Sunday the 19th at noon, and Saturday the 25th at 1:00pm.

This Toy Is Going To Be YOOOGE

Anyone watch the premiere of The Apprentice last night? Raj frightens me, but not as much as the Subway lady. And thank God this is the toy the team went with instead of that ridiculous motorized football player head. The hell?

You Can Watch Yourself While You Are Eating

The episode of Bands Reunited featuring The English Beat premieres tonight at 5:00pm and 10:00pm on VH-1. I'm enjoying the show, but the episode about The New Kids On the Block was totally lame. You kind of know when the running time for an episode is only 30 minutes (when they're usually an hour) that the band will NOT be reunited.

Luckily, tonight's episode is an hour long. But I really wish the show's producers had contacted me when they were searching for singer Dave Wakeling. I know a certain racetrack he loves to perform at, and man, do the fans love him there! (Warning: Link launches a QuickTime movie.)

I'll Find It Funny...On Account of the Heavy Drinking, Jeff!!

J.J. Abrams, the creator of the kick-ass Alias, is set to create a show for the equally kick-ass Cheri Oteri. I watched a "Best of Cheri Oteri" episode of SNL last week, and realized I LOVE her. How come I didn't like her this much when the show was on? And what the hell happened to her since she left?

Narrated By...Sting

John Lennon's Jukebox , an episode of PBS's "Great Performances" airs tonight at 8:00pm, and it sounds interesting. I always find it kind of fascinating to delve into the music collections of the famous, especially learning what they listened to prior to their becoming famous...

I'm All Out of Sorts

I haven't picked up the Fall Preview edition of TV Guide yet, and my issue of Entertainment Weekly's Fall TV preview hasn't arrived.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WATCH!!

Well, that's not really true. I have a pretty good idea of what new shows I'll be tuning in to (at least their pilot episodes. I'm talking to you LAX!) but I like to know what days the premieres are occuring on, and of course what the TV-viewing professionals think of them.

I do know that the only new show of note premiering tonight is The Next Great Champ on Fox. That's the boxing reality show NOT hosted by Sylvester Stallone. Which is to say, it's Fox's rip-off of the Mark Burnett series The Contender, which doesn't premiere until November. And there's more than one similarity between the shows: I don't care about either one of them! I don't watch boxing unless it involves a Prince.

That's all I can muster for today. My section of the office is about 10 degrees hotter than any other room in this building, and I'm feeling a little lightheaded...Is it 5:00 yet?

Ivana Get Out of this Place

Ivana Trump is getting her own reality show, currently titled "Ivana Young Man." All I can say is good luck.

Noooo! Not the Vacation Slides!

Yes. I went on vacation. And yes. You WANT to see photos! So here's a brief, illustrated travelogue. I can't be bothered to come up with an entirely new narrative, so I'm gonna fudge a little and copy from myself. For I am a lazy broad....

First, we took a tour of Hearst Castle. It was quite fabulous, as would be expected. Afterwards, we stayed at The Madonna Inn. Our room was the Fabulous Fifties room, but I think it was a bit more 1850s than 1950s. What WAS 1950s (esque) was the presense of Brian Setzer, who was having a drink in the hotel bar. I tried to take a clandestine, non-flash photo, but it didn't turn out so good. (He's the kind of blonde blur next to the pillar on the right...)

An early start allowed us a stop in Solvang before we cranked up the air conditioner and cruised into the proverbial oasis in the desert. And it really was. A mere 70 bucks a night. A salt water pool. Hardly anyone there. Tastefully decorated. Free breakfast. And freshly baked chocolate chip cookies at 5:30pm! I almost don't want to tell anyone about it lest I spoil it, but I just can't help it. If you ever plan a stay in Palm Springs, check out The Chase Hotel.

The next day we made a brief visit to Lake Havasu, Arizona, home to the London Bridge, where it was about 200 degrees outside. Couldn't do much there but pant and snap a few photos. Our pit stop that night was Kingman, Arizona, on Route 66. We stayed at the Hilltop Motel, Timothy McVeigh's choice when he stayed in Kingman prior to the Oklahoma City bombings. If that wasn't creepy enough, during our stay there, T. had a bad night's sleep, having had a nightmare of some guy chasing her and grabbing her by the leg. And the next morning? She had a hand-shaped bruise on her calf. Swear. To. God.


Needless to say we checked out early, but didn't leave town before visiting some of their groovy museums.


And then, the penultimate destination. As I said before, Veagas cannot be summed up with just one photo. So...Take...Your...Pick.

Our final stop was another Route 66 town: Barstow, California, where we couldn't resist staying at the Route 66 Motel. Despite having to get a new TV put in the room, and the broken shower head, it was a place with it's share of charms.

All-in-all it was a fabulous road trip. Not nearly as unbearably hot as I had been warned it would be. And full of many more (photographed) moments I'm more than willing to share with anyone interested. Like the Bonnie and Clyde pseudo-death car! And the authentic Clyde Barrow death shirt! And the worst mural of Elvis you'd ever hope to see!

The road. She has so many treasures to offer...

I Swear I Could See the Clamp on the Back of Her Head

Did anyone see Farrah Fawcett on David Letterman last night? While it wasn't as bizarre as her previous, drugged-out appearance, I was astounded by how scary she looks. Like too-many-face-lifts scary. And then she started talking about how she's never had a face-lift! How could she say something like that with a straight face? (Pun intended!)

Anyway, there's a clip on the official Late Show site.

By By My Sharona

I can't say I'm dissapointed by this news as the main point of her character seemed to be telling Monk to "Stop it!" and handing him wetty naps.

I'm Back, Baby!

Wooo. And hoo.

While I'd love to entertain you all with tales of my travels, I am unfortunately stuck here at work playing catch-up. And dealing with the associated crushing depression of being back here at work playing catch-up. *Sigh*

Hopefully I'll get something up here soon. In the meantime, anyone know where I can host some photos online for free, so I could link to them from here?

Anyone?

...anyone?

I Know I Heart This Movie

Here's something to watch while I'm gone!

In my book, Wes Anderson can do no wrong, so I can't believe I have to wait until Christmas to see his latest, "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou." I'll just have to satisfy my urge with the trailer until then.

But It's a Dry Heat!

Musty TV is going off the air!

But just for a week as I am going on vacation! A week-long road trip through the desert! In August!!

I'm insane.

I could just tell you all where I'm going, but this here blog is supposed to be about things to watch. So I thought I'd play a little game. I'll tell you where I'm going, but it'll be in code! Click on the links for clues: they all have something to do with the places I'm going, and it's up to you to figure it out. Fun, right?

RIGHT??

OK...First we'll be taking a tour of a modest cabin along the way. Afterwards we'll check into an equally modest hotel.

An early start should allow a stop in this frightening town, before we crank up the air conditioner and cruise into the sunset and the proverbial oasis in the desert.

We'll make a brief visit to this oddity before stopping for the night in the town where these two got hitched.

And then, the penultimate destination. It can not be summed up with just one film. So...Take...Your...Pick.

Before we head home for good, we'll bed down in another highway hideaway, just because the song says we should.

And then it's back to the city we love.

There you have it! Wish me luck, and hopefully when I get back I'll be able to figure out how to get some pictures up. No! It'll be cool. Slides from my vacation! You'll want to see those. Right?

RIGHT?!

Obviously, She Was Trying to Escape

But it looks like the poor pup will have to don the pink booties once again.

How Old Is John Williams?

I don't mean for this blog to turn into "This Week in Celebrity Deaths!" or anything, but I had to note that Elmer Bernstein died.

And a few weeks back Jerry Goldsmith died.

Do movie composers die in threes, too?

I Hope I Heart This Movie

Loved Spanking the Monkey. Liked Flirting With Disaster. LOVED Three Kings. So I'm really hoping I love David O. Russell's new movie, I Heart Huckabees.

Judging from the trailer, I think I just might...

If You Were on Trial for Murder...

Would you want Oprah on your jury?

This Is the True Story...of Seven Cannibals...Picked to Live in a House...

The cast for the next season of "Survivor" has been announced, and it includes an amputee from Oakland.

Oh, I can't wait for the jokes about the cannibalistic history of the local natives! If the guy was cool at all, he'd keep the amputation thing a secret and wake up one morning screaming that the Vanuatuans got to him in the middle of the night.

In related news, the new season of the The Real World also starts in September.

Don't you just love the end of summer?

I Stole the TV!

I can't tell you how happy I am to know that I won't run the risk of seeing smarmy Craig Kilborn on my TV again for a while, and rumors are cirulating that Amy Sedaris may replace him.

While I'd love to be able to see her five nights a week, I'm not so sure that would be her best venue. She needs to be allowed to run free! Not trapped behind a desk!

Plus, I want them to actually finish making the Strangers with Candy movie.

"Look at Me! Pay Attention to Meeeeeeeeee!"

Nicky Hilton got hitched.

OK. There are just way too many sister fame-whores out there right now. The Duffs. The Olsens. The Simpsons. Haven't we met our quota for the year?

She Was a Super Cookin' Freak

Looks like we were wrong in connecting Marlon Brando to the celebrities-always-die-in-threes block, as Julia Child has died.

Now, there's gotta be a connection between Rick James, Fay Wray, and Julia Child...

Sleeping in the Shape of a Van Halen Symbol

Last Comic Standing's finale is tonight. I'm rooting for John Heffron if only for the joke he did about how he took his snow boots off as a kid.

If you haven't been watching, tonight is probably the only night worth seeing anyway. Watching comedians do the same routine over and over is painful, and it's the primary focus of the damn show.

Things I Hate About This Show

Things I Hate About You is on at 10:00pm tonight on Bravo. I've been getting some enjoyment from the show, in the same voyeuristic way I enjoy most reality TV. Plus it's hosted by Mo Rocca, and he's a hoot.

Watchng couples pick apart their partners' most annoying habits can be fun, but I think one of the problems I have with the show is it just isn't mean enough. I suppose a show about couples who really, REALLY hate it when a partner clips his toe nails and leaves the scraps on the floor, so much so that they've been driven to the verge of divorce, could be kind of depressing. But because none of the couples seem THAT upset about the others' annoying habits, I ultimately don't care that much about who "wins" or "loses."

Turns Out It Wasn't Even an ORIGINAL Crappy Idea

Looks like there's another shocking twist to M. Night Shmalamadingdong's (thanks to R.S. for his new official moniker!) "The Village."

Aside from it sucking.

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's an Idiot!

Bryan Singer, who is the latest rube to get sucked into making the new "Superman" movie, (and no more "X-Men" movies, apparently) may have finally figured out there's already an actor out there PLAYING Superman so why not give the role to him? It's something I have long wondered. Why not tie Smallville in with the new Superman movie? It's not like "Smallville" will be around forever--it's very steadily running itself into the ground with consistant suckiness.

It all strikes me as being a giant "No Duh" Hollywood moment. (As opposed to the "What the?!" Hollywood moment mentioned below.)

Plastics

This "update" of The Graduate sounds suspiciously like a joke that was made in Robert Altman's The Player. Ahhh. Hollywood.

But since it stars Mark Ruffalo, the dreamiest dream that ever dreamed, I'll have to cut it some slack.

He Must Be Stopped

Read about some of the very special additions that are rumored to be making an appearance on the DVD release of the original Star Wars trilogy. (Last item on the page.)

Monkey Love

Fay "I Can't Believe She Was Still Alive!" Wray has died. She was 96!

First Rick, now Fay. Bets now being accepted for who will be the third to die in the "Stars Always Die in Threes" death watch.

Put...the Rose...Down...

The next "Bachelorette" has been picked, and it's former "winner"Jen Schefft. For those of you who watch, you may remember she won the heart of millionaire tire-wine maker Andrew Firestone, moved to San Francisco with him (and his roommate) only to break up months later. Then she briefly went out with "The Apprentice" winner Bill Rancic.

I really, REALLY think she should perhaps try meeting a guy the old-fashioned way. By getting drunk at a bar.

(*ba-dum-dump*)

But I Did Not Ask for the Alien Probe

Has anyone been watching The 4400? The "unprecedented" series (I think that mean it's the only TV series to only air five episodes, on purpose) ends tomorrow night at 9:00pm on USA. But you can catch the previous four episodes in a marathon that starts Sunday afternoon at 4:00pm.

I kinda like the show. It's certainly not as good as the The X-Files but it has a very similar feel, what with the alien (or WERE THEY?) abductions, freak-of-the-week storylines, and occasional soapy melodrama. It's also got serial killers, a spooky little girl, and a possibly-alien baby.

Check it out. It's UNPRECEDENTED!

He WAS Rick James, Bitch.

RIP Rick.

Never Get Out of the Boat

Open Water opens today. I have a general dislike of movies shot on cheap video, preferring to wait and watch them on DVD since they look so crappy projected on the big screen. But I think I'm going to have to go to the theater for this one. My hate for cheap-shot-on-video movies seems to be matched by my love for cheap-shot-on-video horror movies, like The Blair Witch Project.(I'm not going to get into an argument about whether or not that was scary. All I know is I slept with the light on the night after I saw it, and a friend spent the night with me because she didn't want to be alone in her apartment. Obviously, it worked for us.)

I'm thinking this one aims to make you anxious more than scare you. Especially if you have any fear of sharks. And getting lost. And getting lost in an ocean full of sharks. And the coolest thing about the movie? It uses no special effects, all the sharks in the movie are real, and the people in the movie are really there with those sharks. No CG. How refreshing is that?

The Eyes of a Shark. The Hair of a Cuddly Baby Polar Bear.

I hope I'm wrong about this, but I just have the sneaking suspicison that there's no way Tom Cruise would ever allow himself to play a character that is completely evil. That's why I fear that in Collateral there will be some big reveal that he's not just a cold-hearted killer. He's actually avenging the death of his wife and child. Or he's some kind of vigilante ridding the world of all the evil psychiatrists and psychologists or some other supposed enemy of the Scientologists.

I hope I'm wrong. Either way I don't think I'm going out of my way to see it: It was shot on video!

I'll Use This Weapon on That Devil Horse If I Have To

I *Heart* Will Ferrell. Check out his spoof of Bush campaign ads. (Warning: Link launches a QuickTime movie.)

Reggae? Never Heard of the Dude.

The second episode of Amish in the City aired last night, and I have to say, those goofy bastards are winning me over. Granted, I think these so called Amish "kids" (most are in their twenties) gave up being Amish a long time ago, but are playing up the notion that they're fresh off the farm for a little "rumspringa" action just for the sake of the show. I mean, would a totally new-to-the-city Amish girl really greet the sight of the Los Angeles skyline with the word "AWESOME!" and pepper her speech with the word "like"? Don't think so.

Still, there's something endearing about them, their bad make-up choices, and kooky accents. That the "City Kids" they have to live with are all annoying is a given. But I'll keep watching it just in the hopes that I can hear Mose talk about Led Zeppelin again.

The second episode will be rerun on UPN Friday night at 8:00pm.